戀愛情商：愛情中一定要做和絕不能做的事

As a psychologist and relationship counselor for over 25 years, I speak from experience when I say there's more to the art of love than we can imagine: people are complex, riddled with flaws and deep desires, desperately seeking to be understood. Practice these 8 relationship dos and don'ts to fortifyyour romance with harmony, stability, and joy:

　　作為一位從業逾25年的心理學家和情感諮詢師，從經驗出發，我會說：愛的藝術要比我們想象得更高深。人是很複雜的，有令人迷惑的缺點和深層次的渴望，而且非常希望能被別人理解。你可以在情感關係中試試以下8件「一定要」和「一定不要」做的事，讓你們的愛情關係更加和諧、穩定、愉悅。

　　Do develop emotional intimacy: Emotional intimacy is knowing what your partner needs before they even get a chance to ask. It is picking up on their feelings as if they were your own. Develop a sense of emotional intimacy by being honest with your partner and sensitive to their needs.

　　一定要建立情感親密。情感親密就是知曉伴侶所需，甚至在他們開口之前你就已經知道了。你要關注他們的感覺，就像關注自己的感覺一樣。要建立一種情感上的親密感，你需要和你的伴侶坦誠相待，並敏感地感知他們的需求。

　　Do plan a life together: Our plans may not always work out, but envisioning a future with our partner inspires us to take the right steps towards manifesting our long-term goals. Talk about the years ahead and form a strategy to achieve the things you want together: a home, a family, investments, etc.

　　一定要一起規劃人生。我們的規劃不一定會實現，但是和伴侶一起憧憬未來可以激勵我們沿著正確的方向朝著長期目標大步邁進。你們可以談談未來幾年的事，達成一致策略，以實現共同目標：如房屋計劃、家庭計劃、投資計劃等等。

　　Do bring them comfort: Your partner wants to come home to love, not to a headache. Make your home a place that always reels your partner back because they feel safe, stable, and nurtured. Don't start talking about your problems as soon as your partner walks through the door.

　　一定要讓他們感到舒適。你的伴侶希望回家能感受到愛，而不是一回去就頭疼。把你的家打造成一個伴侶心之所系之處，讓他們感覺安全、穩定、受到關愛。不要伴侶一走進家門，你就開始傾訴自己遇到的問題。

　　Do act in the right time: Time can be your biggest enemy or your best friend. The wisdom is to recognize when you should act versus when you should wait. Don't obligate your partner to do things in a certain amount of time.

　　一定要在合適的時間做合適的事。時間可以是你最大的敵人，也可以是你最好的朋友。關鍵是你要用智慧分辨出什麼時候應該有所行動、什麼時候應該耐心等待。一定不要強迫你的伴侶在限定的時間內做什麼事。

　　Don't play on their weaknesses: Every day, you have the choice to play on your partner's weaknesses or to reiterate their strengths. If you constantly bring up what they're doing wrong, they'll never feel motivated to do anything right. No relationship can improve under such negative energy.

　　一定不要拿他們的弱點消遣。你每天都可以選擇消遣伴侶的缺點或者反覆強調他們的優點。如果你不斷地說他們做錯了什麼，那麼他們就永遠都不會有做對的動力。在這種負能量作用下，情感關係是不可能向前發展的。

　　Don't get even: No matter what your partner has done or however they've wronged you in the past, don't retaliate or act in bad faith. Keep your personal karma clean by always treating the other person the way you'd like to be treated, regardless of the way they behave towards you.

　　一定不要報復。不論你的伴侶做過什麼，不論以前他們怎麼冤枉過你，一定不要報復或者故意使壞。遠離因果報應，希望別人怎樣對待你，你就怎樣對待別人，不論他們到底是怎麼對你的。

　　Don't assume or blow things out of proportion: Before you throw a tantrum, sit and reflect logically: Is it really as bad as I assume? Speak to your partner openly about what's bothering you instead of blowing up on them.

　　一定不要胡思亂想或大發脾氣。在你發脾氣之前，坐下來，理智地思考一下：事情真的像我想象得那麼糟嗎？開誠布公地和伴侶談談讓你心煩的事，而不是沖著他們發脾氣。
Don't act out of desperation: Think through your decisions a thousand times before you act on them. Acting on desperation will only yield more desperation. If you're desperate to get your partner to change, don't threaten to break up with them when in reality it's the last thing you want to.

　　一定不要不顧一切採取行動。行動之前，要把你的決策反覆咀嚼一千遍。在絕望之中不顧一切，只會帶來更大的絕望。如果你非常渴望伴侶做出改變，一定不要威脅他們說要分手——事實上分手是你最不想做的一件事。

　　Love relationships are undoubtedly difficult to maintain if we don't consider the steps to uphold a positive dynamic. Take up these 8 tips to eliminate relationship problems and strengthen the loving bond with your partner.

　　毫無疑問，如果我們不考慮採取一些方法來維持愛情中的正向動力，一段愛情關係是很難維繫的。用好以上8個小貼士，解決愛情關係中的問題，加固你和伴侶之間的愛之紐帶吧。