我要的地久天長

我要的地久天長

斷尾殘藍


Last night, I had a dream, where a broken CD jumped into a stereo and started playing itself. When I listened, it was the tunes of Gardenia…

「Don』t worry guys, according the theory of Dadaism, if you lock a monkey with a typewriter in a solitary confinement long enough, even it could come up with every single one of Shakespeare』s great pieces.」 I yawned and everybody laughed. The room falls back into silence again in five seconds. Well, there is a reason, very good reason: this room is filled with 4 young men and women who haven』t slept for 72 hours.

「The school has no idea what it』s doing. Sometimes I wonder if they even watch the news.」 Tony is doing his Matt Lauer face again, 「Ladies and gentlemen, the number one unstable factor of modern society is angry young man between the age of 18 and 25 who does not have job.」 Now he is getting really excited and climbed on to the lab bench holding his empty soda bottle like a microphone. Well, he is too excited for someone who has been staring at a particle monitor program for the last 24 hours trying to find out what went wrong. 「Tonight at 9 Eastern Time, CNN News, Tony Lauer.」

The lab door beeped and Tony jumped off really quickly. The door was pushed in, with that stupid yellow hazardous material warning sign right on our faces. 「Stop complaining, Tony. You do have a job: shut up and sit down.」 Thank God, it was Jen; otherwise we will be hearing that horror story of contamination incidence from Prof. Miller for the millionth time. 「And I have great news for you people, you are going to love me.」 She smirked, 「Yes, the results have to pass the new IEEE verification test; and yes, we have bought out the last can of caffeinated drink of this lab building two hours ago.」

The lab instantly immersed into the ocean of F, S and D words; well, storm to be more accurate. It is amazing how so few people can curse so much in such short time. When Jen passes by me, she whispers, 「You』ve got visitor again.」 Blinked, and she fleas away. I try to slip out of the lab when everybody is complaining, but caught by Alicia』s eyes. Too embarrassed about what to say, I made a face of having to go right now. She smiles and turns away.

Out there in the hallway She is. I looked at all the marker ink on my hands and smiled. She smiled back. 「How you doing?」 I said. Why did I ask that? I can see that 「I can use a minute to kill someone right here right now」 expression on her face.

「I』ve been better. So I guess you heard that new IEEE testing thing too, right?」
「You know, we are really not supposed to be talking about this…」
「Ok, anyways. Here is why.」 She hands me her laptop.

I wanted to do a 「dropping the laptop」 fake out, but I fight the urge away. I know either her, or my teammate or someone else will kill me. It』s not worth it. I opened up the screen, there it is… Virus, what else could it be? I frowned for just a split of a second, and soon covered with my notorious 「expressionless-smile ugly face」. That didn』t escape from her eyes. I hate it when people give me that 「Save me Jesus Christ」 look, enough of it from work. But when she looks at me, there is something different. It feels like I』m ready to die serving a cause.

「It is WRONG.」 I tell myself and sit on the floor. She wanted to say something, but seems like she swallowed the words back right before they are ready to flow out of her lips. Well, I already know that she is right. The floor is freezing, but I have already sat. Lucky that I have dealt with this before, after a little while, I hand her laptop back to her. 「It』ll be able to hold up for a while, but let me see it again when this is finished.」 I smirked, 「By the way, had fun in Tahoe in Spring Break? Say Hi to Joe.」 I saw her wallpaper of Joe and her in ski gear. That sentence was not even a sentence. She smiles, 「Thanks」, and goes into the lab next to ours. I feel that my butt has been frozen to the ground.

「So RJ, how is the wife?」 Apparently Paul has seen it, 「Does she know about this little thing of yours?」
「First, the wife is good. Second, it is not a thing, she is my friend Elizabeth. Third, Kate knows about the little past and what』s up now. You want to know the four?」 I answered, 「Shut up and go to work.」
「Hey, this is no need to get so testy, boss.」 Jay has a rare talent of easily relating things to Balls, but not a good thing when the ladies are here.
Tony finally digs his head out of the mountain of books, 「Wait a minute, why is he the boss again?」
I smirked, 「Because I volunteered to do the Shittiest work, and you guys are picked to do the Shittiest work. That makes me eligible to boss your asses around.」 I』m developing a group language sanitation problem myself too, 「Understood?」
「Yes sir.」 Laughter followed by the silent sound of keyboard, mouse, and paper.

How is the wife?
Why did I volunteer to do the shittiest work?

In the eyes of everybody we know, Kate and I are the perfect couple. As high school sweethearts who survived the college freshmen 「Killing Time」, we』ve been quite a while. When people refer to us as 「the married couple」, we just smile. We are the fast and furious type, which I have never imagined before I met her. And now, she is wearing the dinky diamond ring I bought her on her right middle finger…

Just when I』m thinking about it, my cell phone starts to ring. It』s her.
「Dude, that ring-tone.」 Paul frowned, 「Why do you have to use the Godfather Theme? Isn』t it kind of unpropitious? 」
「It』s the Family」. Obliviously my Italian impression is not very successful; indeed I failed freshman acting class because of the smart a$ idea of using an Italian accent.
「Shut up, you are not Italian.」 Tony is better at this.
「T, your name is not Soprano.」 I waved the phone, 「Your name is Anthony M. Chan, and I got to go. Be right back.」
「You』d better run.」
…

When I step out of the building, I just realize that the stars have been hanging on the sky for a while. There she is, leaning on her car parked on the side of the cold, quite street with lunch boxes in her hand. Sheep leather coat, black pants and black boots, with her long black hair flying in the wind. She is shivering in the cold spring night breeze with her pale skin and frozen red nose.

All of a sudden, I feel incredibly guilty about things that have been happening lately.
「Why are you standing out here?」
「Still no visiting permit?」
「You know the rule…」
「Yes, I do know the rule.」 She sighed. 「Here』s dinner」, she looked at her watch, 「Or whatever. You got microwave in there, don』t you?」
「Oh yeah, we got microwave in there alright.」 I can』t say. I have been kicking myself so many times for why the h*ll I chose a major like this.
「Alright, I』ve got to go. Lab tomorrow.」 She opened her car door.
「Wait.」
I swing the door back, have my arms around her and lightly pressed her against the car. I can feel her heart beat, as well as her shivering. My face is against her cheek and her hair blurs my sight like a black rain. The familiar gardenia smell flows in my nose, and, heart. It has melted me away. I kissed her behind her ear, and whispered, 「I』m sorry.」

I don』t have to look. It』s already been so many years. I know every single little habit of hers, just as she knows mine. I can feel, not with my body, but with my heart, that she must be sobbing now. I can feel, not with my shoulder, but with my mind, her tears run down my jacket, soaking in like rivers of sadness. I can feel, not with hand, but with my conscious, she is hurt.

I can feel the coldness of the ring pressing against my neck. That ring, with all the love, promise and responsibility is pressing on me. She said she has to go, and now she is gone. I stand on the sidewalk, watching her car taking off, and disappearing into the lights of the night helplessly. I lean on a parking meter, looking at the flashing pedestrian lights. Trying not to think too much about this for now; after all, I do have to lead this group of guys to finish the graduation project. But does it mean she is not as important? Try not to think, try not to think…

All of a sudden, a flood of blue light shines right into my eye. I am ready to burst. But after I looked carefully, I smiled, 「Bitch,」 and stick out my middle finger. That d*mn EVO! I guess he』s been parking there for a while, otherwise there is no way I can miss that d*mn thing. I waved, and EVO』s engine starts to roar and cream like the world would not believe. After a long hum, it stops beside me.

「What the **** are you doing here?」 I hoot as the window rows done.
「So your girl can come to see you, I』m not allowed to come to see my girl? **** you.」 Joe returned fire with precision strike immediately.
We shook hands. 「How you doing bro?」 he asked.
「Could be better.」
「Kate?」
「I guess I would be a bitch if I tell you it』s not.」
「What the h*ll happened between you two?」
「The question should be what the h*ll had not happen between us.」 I look out the window, 「and the answer is nothing.」
「What?」
「I guess it would have been right if she had been with you back then…」, I turned to him, 「but…」
「No if but.」 Joe doesn』t talk much, but I can feel he wants to say something.

Kate was supposed to be Joe』s.
We were high school friends, best friends. They were close, but none of the two had made a move. Then I transferred in that school in junior year, no friend lone wolf type. A few months later, I accidentally challenged Joe on the road. I had an old M』stang 5.0 and Joe was driving his beloved RX-7. I was trying to pass him in the school parking lot after a senior event, and that led to fire. We went ballistic on the street. I remember I did 70MPH on a local street, Joe always bragged that he did 72. There was no way to find out, but I did pop my transmission and he damaged his frame when we fly over a speed bump. I remember giving him a ride home with my heavily damaged ride, rough night for both of us. From then on, we became best friends. That』s when I got to know Kate, or who I used to call Katherine. I had no idea about what was between the two. I made a move at the last Home Coming Party. Kate hesitated first, but finally said yes. It wasn』t until college when I found out Joe was going to take her to Prom and make a move. There was nothing else to be done. It was also the time since when I feel the distance when I talk to Joe.

「So, are you just going to let this go?」 He finally asks.
「You know me.」 I try to seem easy.
「This? I don』t.」
「I thought she was The One,」 I sighed.
「So did everybody else. I thought you guys were happy.」
「Yeah, we Were.」
「She still wears that ring, doesn』t she?」
How did he know? I can』t stop wondering. But at this point and time, there is no need to wonder. 「Yes, she still does. Maybe that is what』s still holding the two of us.」
「Is it about the differences you talked about?」
「I did?」 I am a bit shocked, 「When?」
「No, I』m just guessing.」 He smirks, and soon returns the straight face, 「But I』m right. You don』t think you can work that out?」
「I don』t know how.」 That is true. Sometimes, I wish I can put relationship into a differential equation, even the most complicated one, so that I can go about analyzing and solving the problem.
「Let』s just hope for the best.」
「And prepare for the worst.」 Everything might go wrong will go wrong.

Just when he is about to go back to the car, I noticed something.
「What』s up with that earring?」
「I』m just trying something new.」
「Dude, they do not look good on you. Seriously you should take them off.」
「You sound just like Ellie, maybe you two should be going out.」
I can feel something in his words, but I don』t want to ask. Things are complicated enough the way it is now. 「Yeah, right. Keep putting more ideas in my head.」
「Alright, take it easy, man.」
「Later.」
The EVO zooms away with the deep humming. The blue lights flashes in the darkness, and the yellow street lights flare all over the white body. I sighed.

He has to go, indeed.
He told me a while back, he has to go and leaving everything behind, including Ellie. I was shocked. We just sat there and keep drinking. I didn』t ask, he didn』t explain. But I knew since the day I met him that he was the kind of person who will get it done once he makes up his mind. As much as I know him, I knew he had had his mind set on this leaving thing. Nothing will change.
Ellie had talked to me about it too. We met each other in freshman year, she was Kate』s roommate. Very special and talented girl. Sometimes I feel that she understands me better than Kate does, and in a sense it is true. One day when we were talking about poetry, Kate said she never knew that part of me. I smiled, and had nothing to say. Sometimes I feel something, but I will Never allow myself to think more, especially since she started to go out with Joe. I put a seal on it: WRONG.
She asked me once why Joe had to go. I told her that I didn』t want to ask. She started to cry. That moment, I realized that I something I had never realized before: I care so much. I wanted to find her a shoulder to cry. I wanted to find her Joe, beat him up and make him stay. I wanted to give her my shoulder to cry. Well, I did, but as a friend. She had never mentioned anything since then; but that day, I thought I made a difference.

Back to the lab, everybody is still working hard. I have no idea how long have I been gone, but the soda bottles and pizza boxes have piled up quite a lot.
「Let』s call it a night, guys.」 I said, 「Pick it up tomorrow at 8?」
「Thank God.」
Alicia flies out right after we did the huddle. Jay offers a ride, but she says someone is picking her up. I can see the deep excitement in her, just when I first started going out with Kate.
Tony has not moved, according to Jay, for the pass half century. His face is one the screen, trying to trace through as many numbers as possible. Jen is right beside him. It is true that desperate time creates companion. I want to ask, but words just stop at my lips.
We left the building.

This university town is too quiet at midnight, it』s almost like dead. Tonight is a clear night; I knew that because I can see every single star. It reminds me the night when I met Kate. The dark blue sky, the stars, the cold breeze and the frost on the field, nothing has changed and everything has changed. I start to drift away, with my foot pressing on the gas paddle. The V8 roars in the night sky, I rush through the lights.
「So you are never going to talk about it?」 Paul hasn』t been talking much since he gets in the car.
「Sorry, what?」 I slow down, realizing my roommate』s life is also in my steak.
「Kate.」
「You know…」
「She cried, didn』t she?」
I don』t know what to say. Paul might seem careless on the surface, but a sophisticated heart is deep in. I hate to lie.
「The tears on your jacket.」
「I guess she was right from the beginning.」 I sigh, 「I used to believe that a man can stand in front of his fate.」
「Or that could be part of his fate.」
「Alright, we』ve got to stop this philosophical sh*t and just be straight. This is becoming gay.」 I can』t stand this anymore. 「You know what I mean, right?」
「I can see your point. But how are you going to do this?」 He opens the window on his side, 「Are you guys just not going to talk ever?」
「I will, I promised her things before. At least I owe her an explanation.」
「You sure you want to do this? There is nothing else you can do?」

All of a sudden, I feel like everyone else on earth knows more about us than we do. I even feel that lots of them care more than I do. Kate said that we are not going to work because we come from very different backgrounds on the very first day. I promised I would make that not matter, as arrogant as it sounded. God knows, we did try. As time goes by, the closer we get, the more we find out, the more conflicts we discover. As much as we love each other, we share completely opposite views of the world and value. Graduation is coming, so do rumors. Rumor has been around that we are announcing our engagement right at the graduation party. I』ve heard, so has her. I usually just smile, or ask her to show them the ring when she is also around. We never talked about this, because we both know where that is going and neither one of us want to hurt the other. So there we are, trapped in the gap of time.

「Do you believe in unconditional love?」
「You mean you and me?」 I try to make a joke to ease the mood, 「h*ll no.」
「Hehe, very funny.」
「I used to, not any more. At least not in this case.」
「Why?」
Why do something that would hurt both persons? I feel that I shouldn』t be so realistic. A long silence. When I turned my head to look at him, he is gazing out the window into the night sky. I can sense something in him, but I don』t want to deal with it. I hope that I am wrong, but I am almost never wrong about bad feelings. There is no time to think about all this, we are home. He says good night and goes straight to his bedroom.

I sit alone in the dark in the living room. In the dark, I can feel the cold beer dewing. 72 hours, I feel tired like h*ll, but still not sleepy.
I hear door opening. Paul walks out with the same shirt he has been wearing. He walks to the fridge, grabs a beer and sits right next to me.
Still not talking.
He raises the beer in his hand, nods at me and starts to drink. I did the same.
Still not talking.
5 rounds passes by quickly, he is still drinking.
Still not talking.
「Is getting drunk the solution?」 I don』t want to ask, but I can』t watch him do this.
「Tonight is probably the last chance to drink with you, **** getting drunk.」
Paul does not drink.
Paul does not swear.
I can see what』s coming. I just don』t want to hear from him.
We stare at each other, as if we were gladiators before the match.
We stare at each other, as if we were the gladiator Brothers before the match. One has to fall, or both.
At that moment, I decide that one to fall will be me.
「Paul, no matter what, I will always drink with you.」
…

It』s ready 8:30 when I get to the lab and Paul is still like dead on the couch. 8 beers did a lot of damage on that man.
「I』m so so so sorry.」 I am prepared for what is coming.
「Shh.」 What I am not prepared for is Tony shhing me!
His face is still on the screen, but one of his arms is around a person. Jen is asleep on his shoulder. She seems so peaceful under the cover of Tony』s big ski jacket. Tony glances over her every other few moments, with a smile flashing by.
Finally, something good has happened.
People start to come in one by one as expected, and the project goes on…

The project went well and we won the contest, which means most of us can graduate with honor. We are having a small gathering before the official ceremony because some of the people have to leave early.
It is a beautiful day. Running down the highway, Kate and I are not talking.
I am still driving the way I drive, weaving through traffic just in the way she hates. But she is not saying anything today, just looking at the panel. But for some reason, Paul』s voice keeps resonate in my head.
「Can we talk after this?」 Well, I said I will take the responsibility; d*mn it I will.
「Why can』t we talk now?」 She seems very calm, too calm as if she doesn』t know where this is going.
「Do you really think it』s a good time to talk now?」
「It』s there. You just have to say it.」
「Remember the last time we talked about our differences?」
She nods. I can see the tears particulate in her eyes. I let go of the gas, and let the car slowly move to the right. I want to hand her some tissue, but I don』t keep any in my car. All the little details start to bite at the same time.
「Maybe it』s really the time we bring it back on the table again.」
「Isn』t it just fine if we don』t talk about it?」
「This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life,」 I try to control the tone and tears, 「believe me, I have never imagined saying this to you.」
「Then how come here we are?」
「We both know, and we both will.」 I feel things accelerating inside me, but I keep on driving. 「I promised you a home, not a broken shell of a house.」
…

It is already quite late when we get to the party. Most of the people have already left. We walk in holding hands, knowing this is the last time, never closer before. In front of everyone, we laugh instead of cry, joke instead of yell. Like a shooting star, the last moment of Us was glorious. We swing from people to people with her ring wearing right hand in my left hand just like how she liked all these years. We act as if we have forgotten ourselves, as if there is not tomorrow, as if the whole party is a Fair Well party for just the two of us.

Music changes, it』s a slow dance. I look her in the eye, 「Would you care to dance?」
「Yes.」 She looks back.
Off we go, like two butterflies dancing in the last ray of sunshine of the fall. Knowing this is the last dance, we slide and wing in the golden spot light of sunset. Tragically, the Last data feels very much like the First date. Black tux and red dress melting away with music and time…

Frank Sinatra』s voice ended at the end of the dance, so did our love.

I hold her close, one hand holding her hand and the other touching her face. Taking a last breath of her and kissing her for the very last time behind the ear, I whispered, 「Good night.」
I can hear in the envy and sighs in the back, yapping about our Engagement and even marriage. Tears start to run down. She lets go, turns away and takes off without looking back.
Like a dream, it is finally over.

I spend most of the evening talking and drinking with Joe, after he announces that he will be going to Africa on his first NG assignment for a few years. That is his dream for a life time but I guess he has never imagined the moment of having to leave Ellie because of that.
「There is not another way?」
「NG does not give options and I cannot make her wait.」
「Big day, huh?」
「Cheers, to the sad-a$ single bustards!」
「Cheers!」
…
「So what are you planning?」
「I』m leaving too. I want to go somewhere, marry some woman and have half of a million kids.」
「To forget Kate?」
「No, I』m not even going to bother. She will be fine. But with all that Med School stuff, I just wish I can be there a little longer…」 I』m lying, I know someone will be there. And that person is not me.
Joe has to go and pack, he』s leaving right after the ceremony.
…

It』s already 3 in the morning but the sky looks darker than any other time of the night. Too much alcohol in my blood starts to make me feel the urge to scream for fresh air. I tumble my way to the lounge, sitting on the open window I start to think the people and things passing by.
In the silence, I start to hear sobbing from far-far away. When I listen closely, it sounds so familiar as if it』s from close by.
「Kate?」
No, it can』t be Kate. We had a deal, Paul is taking her home right after I said good night.
If it』s not Kate why would I feel this way?

I look around with my sour eyes: it』s Her. Ellie is leaning on the next window, staring at the night sky too. She is shivering in her little black dress. Her shoulder looks so thin like melting ice that I want to hold in my hands but  it will slip away. I don』t know where the courage is from, I walk up and put my arm around her shoulder.
「RJ, have you ever loved me?」
I』m shocked. I have always felt something about this girl, but never imagined anything like this.
「Could I ever love you?」
I cannot hold the feels back anymore. I knew it from the very first moment I met her. All these years I tried and tried not to let that thought come across my mind. I sealed my desire and desperation in a little box, labeled it wrong and buried it deeply under the ocean of my love for Kate.
All that didn』t help. Now I』m here, holding her in my arm, all the emotions I have been hiding burst out like a volcano burying alive the last rational thoughts I have.
Now I can.
She turns around, gazing right into my eye with her teary stars. I feel my heart accelerating. I want to give her a shoulder to cry on, not Joe』s, not a good guy』s, not any other guy』s, but Mine. Just at this moment, I have made up my mind that I will be her shoulder in the days to come.
So I hold her against me…

When I wake up, it』s already the next afternoon. The sunshine is blinding me when I open the shades. I open the window and take a deep breath. It』s a different day.
「Yo! Want to get something to eat?」
No replies.
After knocking, i surprisingly find out that Paul is not home. It looks like he came back last night, but left in a hurry afterwards. I have no idea where he is, but I think I know who he is with now. With bad feelings, I』m almost never wrong.
But what can I say now?

I walked Ellie home last night. We didn』t talk, just walking. The cold night pierces through my shirt, but I』ve almost never felt warmer before seeing her in my tux. She was humming some melody that I couldn』t tell what it was, but it stuck in my head and kept resonating on and on. I turn my head to the side from time to time, smelling the scent from her hair. It』s not the familiar gardenia, but I lost in the mysterious orchid aroma in the midnight. Walking down the road, I wished it lasted forever.
I have no recollection of kissing when we said goodbye, which makes me feel not as guilty. However, I do remember that smile on her face when I took off. This is probably going to be one of the moments that made everything change.
Sorrow must end somewhere.

Graduation Day.
New cars, new cloth, new shoes, new tie, and new couples.
But the same old people.

Joe and I arrived at the same time, after our last race. Blazing down the highway, I feel that I owe him too much. The EVO and the T-bird roar high and low into the parking lot simultaneously as if this is the last performance of an orchestra. It actually is. When I step out of the car with Ellie, I take a good look at that tall and slender figure stepping out of the EVO. We look at each other, and look at Ellie. Silence is overwhelming. She walks up to Joe, straightens his tie and puts on his cap. Turning around, straightens my tie and puts on my cap. Nobody wants to say anything. We just walk together to the ceremony.

Most of the people are already there.
The first thing I see is Tony and Jen full of joy and excitement. There have been words that Tony is going abroad for a research project, and Jen is going along. Seeing this makes me feel better. Shaking hands with friends and saying the words of fair well, the feeling of leaving finally starts to kick in.
In the crowd, I keep looking. I can』t find Paul, neither could I find Kate. But no matter where I turn, I keep seeing strange faces with smiles. I feel like lost in time.
「You can』t find what you don』t want to see.」 Ellie swings our hands.
I smiled uneasily. Who else would know me like this? I gawk at her like I have never seen her before. She』s looking at somewhere far away. Her hair flies freely in the wind. A little black dress, classy but brisk neither the less. Her long and curly eyelashes tingle slightly as she breathes in and out with concinnity. She has beautiful eyes. Full of mystery and confidence, her eyes are like a deep ocean glaring under the stars. Her exposed skin looks like jade, makes me want to touch but  of breaking. Her slender figure runs from her flying hair all the way down to her fair ankle. With her waving dress and flaring heels, he looks like a real-world angel. She turns around and sees me staring moronically at her. Her face flashes red and she turns away. I pull her back and gaze right in her eyes. I see the reflection of myself in her eyes, and I look happy.

The commencement was long and excruciatingly painful afterwards.
Joe finds me in the crowd. We want to just shake hands, but end up pulling into a man』s hug.
「Take care, man. Be safe out there. Call me if you need me.」 I don』t know why am I saying all that. I know what I want to say.
「You too man. Take it easy.」
…
「RJ?」
「What』s up?」
「That』s 2, man.」 He whispers, 「3 strikes you are out.」
「Sorry…」
「Don』t be.」 He pauses, 「Things happen for a reason. You take care, and take care of her.」
I nodded.
We don』t want to make a scene. After exchanging insulting for the last time, Joe left. Before he goes, he asks Ellie to take care of me. Ellie nods in tears and turns into my arms. Joe takes off without looking back. Until the end, I didn』t hear the EVO one more time. That is the end of the era.


I made a deal with Paul already that he would take care of the departmental commencement. It』s a smaller gathering, but warmer, filled with people who 「slept together in the same lab」 for days in the end. As much as we like to get out of here, we already start to miss the comrades who』s been watching each other』s back, who can trust, who can believe, who can talk to and who can call 「partners」.
Professor Miller announces that this year』s TEAD, Top Engineering Application Design award belongs to our group. After all the screaming cheers, he wants the group leader to give a little speech.
I touch my pocket subconscious, and soon relieve into smile. Right, Paul is taking over. I』ve got what I wanted, he deserves this.
Paul is a brand new man.
He is not longer that broken shell of a man today. He walks from the back to the stage soundingly, emitting a halo of confidence and charm. Holding his hands, a girl walks besides him.
It』s Kate.
She』s in a gold yellow colored traditional Chinese dress with a little sapphire pin, in contrast of Paul』s power blue out fit and golden tie, the two glow and resonate radiantly.
They take the stage and Paul raises his glass.
Clink, clink, clink. The hall becomes quiet, and everyone starts to focus on this brilliant couple.
「I would like to propose a toast.」 Paul raises his voice, 「To a real man, to the man who held this group together, to the man who I call Brother, to RJ.」
He raises his glass to my direction.
I raise my glass and empty it. Feeling dizzy, even though I know it』s just water.

Music starts, it』s Stevie Wonder』s More than Just a Dream.
Paul is Paul. He knows everything and he actually does everything right.

「They look so perfect. I don』t know if I』m ever going to find someone like him.」
「What are you talking about? Paul』s RJ』s roommate and RJ』s going to propose to Kate right here tonight.」
「Really? Then why are these two dancing?」
「Yeah, where』s RJ?」
…
At a swing, I see Kate』s hand: there is no ring. From very far, I can still see the way they look at each other. They are happy, I guess all that matters.
Joe』s words come back to my head: 「Things happened the way they are supposed to happen.」

I lean in Ellie and whisper next to her ear, 「Let』s get out of here.」
We probably both feel better leaving. I promised her to take her back to California in the summer, fishing, swimming, surfing and diving. She said she will make her own castle on the sand. I smiled, I will look extra hard when we dive. When I find The Heart of the Ocean, the nothing guy will marry the princess.
…

On the Interstate Highway, my T-bird is blazing at 100 with it top down. The sound of U2 flies in the air, washing Ellie』s beautiful hair. We stick our hands out, feeling the wind and sunshine swims by our fingers. Our laughter weaves a rainbow halo around the ride.
She turns to me and asks, 「Did you guys really achieve a pair of equilibrium force fields in your project?」 Her voice sounds like heaven; mixing in the wind, it』s a blessing.
I give her an expression of I can care less.
All of a sudden, I grabbed her hand and kissed softly. She tries to pull it back, but I』m not letting go.

我凝視著她：這才是我要的地久天長。

it takes me 2 days to go through this completely with office work.

many thanks for your contribution this fabulous article for us.

i do enterten with all the description of their feelings and persons.

thanks a million.