《蛋白質女孩》The Protein Girl

章節：安娜蘇 (Anna Sue)
作者：王文華 (Author: Tom Wang)
譯文：Bruce Humes （徐穆實）


Introduction:
The Art of Rhymed Conversation back in ?


I was moved to try my hand at translating the recently published Protein Girl (《蛋白質女孩》) when I realized, without having done any analysis of the text per se, that it had a beat and a rhythm and -- lo and behold -- on occasion it even rhymed!

To be honest, I have grown accustomed to the fact that modern Chinese writing rarely rhymes; Somehow writers and readers of Chinese seem agreed that rhyming largely began --- and stopped --- back in the golden age of Chinese poetry, during the Tang and the Sung dynasties.

This lack of obvious or internal rhyme and alliteration strikes me as a bit strange. Perhaps this is because I grew up on a mixture of French poetry, translated Haiku and homegrown black rap...before it became "Rap" with a big $.

My mother used to take me to prison in Virginia where the members of an "exclusive" poetry club she hosted --- you had to be black and destined for incarceration for the next decade or more --- would recite their tales. The beat was strong, the story lines often violent, and the rhyming unforced yet endless. By the way...several of the inmate-poets were illiterate. Perhaps that helped.

At any rate, I have had fun trying to capture and recreate the witty effect of Tom Wang's poetry-in-conversation. But it's not easy! The more obvious rhymes in the Chinese (some ending in the long "i" sound, and another in "ing" sound) tend to come just before a comma or full stop, and are underlined in the passage below. My English rhyming "scheme" is more haphazard (!) and also noted by underlines:

她長的像變壞了的布蘭 !妮!，卻有宇多田的大眼 !睛!。她直接，熱情，大聲喧嘩，百無禁 !忌!。她不穿內 !衣!，吸過毒品，小腿有刺青，耳環戴在肚 !臍!。她公開談 !性!，好像只是在介紹化妝品。她第一次見面就親吻我的嘴唇，我感到死而復生！我終於呼吸到新鮮空 !氣!，它讓我從 30 多年的沉睡中蘇 !醒!。"
"She's built like Britney Spears gone bad, but has big eyes like Utada HikarU. She's direct, warm, noisy and uninhibited TOO. She's not into underwear but used to get HIGH, dangles earrings from her belly-button and sports a tatoo on her THIGH. She talks openly about SEX as if she were marketing cosmeTICS. The first time we met she kissed me lip-to-lip, and I felt like I'd been brought back from the DEAD! I've finally breathed fresh air. She brought me back from three decades asleep in BED."

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安娜蘇

上禮拜我發現鐳射頭在誘拐一名大女生，便派張寶去找這名女子查證。
"我戀愛了！" 第二天張寶對我說。
"她是誰？"
Last week I discovered Laserhead had seduced a college girl under false pretences, so I sent Zhang Bao to find the girl and verify my suspicions. "I've fallen into the web of love!", Zhang Bao told me the next day.
"Who is she?"

"安娜蘇"。
"她姓蘇？"
"她在百貨公司的安娜蘇專櫃工作。"
"安娜酥裡面包什麼？蛋黃嗎？"
"安娜蘇是一種化妝品，擦了后臉像一個布丁。"
"Anna Sui?"
"Her last name is 'Sue'?"
"She works at the Anna Sui Outlet in the department store."
"So what flavor is 'Anna Sue'? Anisette?"
"Anna Sui is a brand of cosmetic. You rub it on and your face looks like jello."


"等一等，你愛上了鐳射頭在誘拐的大學生？"
"她是鐳射頭的妹妹！"
好極了，我極力想陷害的情敵並沒有誘拐少女，而我的軍師卻愛上了幼齒。
"Wait a sec. You've fallen in love with the college girl who is under Laserhead's spell?"
"She's Laserhead's little sister!"
Oh, great. My rival in love who I was so keen to frame hadn't mislead a young girl. Instead, my military advisor had been smitten with this young thing.


"你不能愛上她！她對你來說太年輕。"
"你從來沒有愛過大學生，不懂得青春的美麗。" 張寶說，"從小，我們被教導要按步驟，守規矩。情竇初開時，他們要我們考上建中再想女生。考上 Ph D.，先找工作，先升上經理。曾經有人在植物園等我，我失約回家研究牛頓運動定律。
"But you can't fall in love with her! She's too young for you."
"You've never loved a college girl, so you don't dig youthful beauty," said Zhang Bao. "From the time we're small, we're taught to take it step-by-step, do it by the book. Just when desire's flower begins to bloom, the powers-that-be tell you to get into Chienchung Middle School before pondering the birds and the bees. Pass your Ph D. exam, find a job, then get promoted to manager, see. A girl once waited for me at the Botanical Gardens, but I did a no-show and went home to give Newton's laws of motion a look."

曾經有人從台北大老遠跑到岡山空軍基地，我卻躲在營房準備 GMAT。看著她離去的背影，我咬牙告訴自己：只要得到功名，愛情會像空氣一樣容易。現在我一切關卡都通過了，突然發現青春像工交車過站不停，而我站在人行道上竟完全沒有注意。
"Once a certain someone raced all the way from Taipei to Kangshan Airbase, while I was holed up there in the barracks preparing for my GMAT. Watching her back as she departed, I gritted my teeth and told myself: As long as I attain fame and fortune, love will be my natural fate. Now that I've passed all the checkpoints, suddenly I find youth is like a bus skipping my stop, and me on the sidewalk in a dream-state."

我的年輕是一連串的手段，只為了達到今日的高薪和一大串用不到的員工福利。我總是在為未來而活，今天永遠是某種過渡時期。功名拿到，愛卻早已睡著，我不再年輕，在日漸稀薄的空氣中感到窒息。昨天我看到安娜蘇，外面下著大雨，我的心卻第一次放晴。
"My youth was a string of tricks played just to win today's big bucks and a long list of unusable employee benefits. I've always lived for the future, while 'now' has been just a transition of some sort. Though my fame and fortune rose, early on love began to doze. No longer young, I feel suffocated in this increasingly rarified atmosphere. Yesterday when I saw Anna Sui it was pouring, but my heart was cloudless for the first time."


她長的像變壞了的布蘭妮，卻有宇多田的大眼睛。她直接，熱情，大聲喧嘩，百無禁忌。她不穿內衣，吸過毒品，小腿有刺青，耳環戴在肚臍。她公開談性，好像只是在介紹化妝品。她第一次見面就親吻我的嘴唇，我感到死而復生！我終於呼吸到新鮮空氣，它讓我從 30 多年的沉睡中蘇醒。"
"She's built like Britney Spears gone bad, but has big eyes like Utada Hikaru. She's direct, warm, noisy and uninhibited too.
She's not into underwear but used to get high, dangles earrings from her belly-button and sports a tatoo on her thigh. She talks openly about sex as if she were marketing cosmetics. The first time we met she kissed me lip-to-lip, and I felt like I'd been brought back from the dead! I've finally breathed fresh air. She brought me back from three decades asleep in bed."

"你提前進入中年危機，你需要吃鎮定劑。"
"我不需要鎮定劑，我需要愛情。過去 30 多年我活得像木乃伊，早上睜開眼就開始盤算如何逃避。安娜蘇讓我覺得愛情不在遙不可及，愛可以像自來水，打開龍頭就源源不絕。"
"You're having a premature mid-life crisis. You need a tranquilizer."
"I don't need a valium. I need romance. I've lived like a mummy the last thirty years and more. Each morning when I opened my eyes I began concocting my flight. Anna Sui makes me feel like romance is no longer beyond sight. Love is like running water --- open the tap and it flows without cease."

"你付不起這種水費。聽著，應付中年危機有更簡單的方法，你可以買一兩法拉利。"
"你這個物質的奴隸。"
"You can't afford that water bill. Listen to me. To handle a mid-life crisis, there's an easier way: Get a Ferrari."
"Slave to materialism."

"張寶，你聽我說：你要理智一點。"
"我不要理智，理智誤了我 30 年。"
"理智讓你每個月 30 號固定領到薪水。"
"Zhang Bao, listen to me: Be a bit more rational."
"I don't want to be rational. That already lost me 30 years."
"Being rational gets you a fixed salary the 30th of every month."

"我不稀罕，為了她我可以辭職。我們在討論一起去西藏探險。"
"你不能和她去西藏，你甚至不該跟她去 7-11。"
"為什麼？"
"I can do without it. For her, I can quit my job. We're talking about exploring Tibet."
"You shouldn't to 7-11 with her, much less Tibet."
"Why not?"

"因為你不能和她在一起。你們的年齡相差太大，不說別的，有一天當她達到性慾的高峰期，你可能已經在選合適的輪椅。"
"她愛我，她不會在意。"
"Because you and she aren't right for one another. The gap between your ages is too big. By the time she reaches her sexual peak, you might be in the market for a wheelchair that doesn't squeak."
"She loves me, she won't care."

"她愛你，她怎麼可能愛你？他們愛的是日劇，她愛你的程度恐怕還不及金城武賣的手機。"
"She loves you. How could she love you? Women love soap operas. Her love for you pales in comparison, unfortunately, to her feeling for those mobile handsets touted by Kaneshiro Takeshi."

"你不懂我們的愛，昨天第一次見面她就當眾親吻我，激烈到壓壞了我的眼鏡。我人不帥，又沒有錢，如果不是真愛那是什麼？"
"You don't understand our love. Yesterday when we met the first time, she kissed me right there in public so passionately she crushed my glasses. I'm not handsome or rich, so if this ain't true love, what be it?"


"她只是想跟你玩玩。你是典型的壓抑的中產階級：穿黑襪，坐捷運，為搶到位子而沾沾自喜，把一個月一次的 shopping 當成是心靈洗滌。她知道你花半年考慮買哪個廠家的空調機，花一年計劃三天的泰國之旅。"
"She just wants to toy with you. You're a typical repressed middle-class soul: You wear black socks, commute via Taipei Rapid Transit, giggle with glee when you can steal a seat, and treat your monthly shopping spree like a baptism of the soul. She knows you spend six months debating which brand of air con to buy, and a year planning your Thai tour."

她知道你吃了一顆巧克力就罪惡地三天不吃早餐，加入健身房卻從來沒時間去。她知道你渴望冒險，刺激和危險性遊戲。她愛你是要解放你，她把跟你交往當作是一場革命，一種證明。"
"She knows that when you eat a drop of chocolate you feel so guilty you skip breakfast three days running, and joined a health club but never have time to go. She knows you long for risk, excitement and a dangerous game. She loves you to liberate you; Her relations with you are just for her revolutionary fame."

"不要說了，你只是妒嫉。"
"好，就算我們不計較她的動機，你難道不在乎別人怎麼看你？"
"我不在乎。伍迪愛倫的太太還不是比他年輕？"
"Stop it. You're just jealous."
"Okay, even if we don't dispute her motives, do you mean you don't care how others view you?"
"No big thing. Isn't Woody Allen's own wife younger than him?"

張寶甩掉我向遠方走去，堅定的態度彷彿國父孫中山當年要推翻清庭。我該如何 拯救我的好友？ 我該如何說服他：自來水也可以致命？
Zhang Bao left me behind and walked away, as resolved as Sun Yat-Sen, the Father of Our Country, back when he was set to do his thing to overturn the Qing. How should I rescue my friend? How could I convince him: Tap water could be his end?