Thinking Aloud

I sometimes enjoy allowing myself to get lost in some sort of contemplation. Not necessarily the profound, sophisticated kind, just deep enough to bring a balm to my strained mind, though, not automatically, either, reveries.

In my mind's eye, I would look into the mirror at myself, asking: 「Who am I? From where did I come from? To where am I heading? What am I going to be in, say, twenty, thirty years time?」

I am not a religious individual. But, every so often I marvel at the belief that God has got a plan for everyone. He must have one for me, too.

So, what is his plan for me? I so much wish that I were able to peep through the darkness at his script. Even a couple of lines would do me. For, I am so lost, like a lamb gone astray in a chilling, misty winter night, shivering at the thought that the crack of dawn may never appear; that the darkness fallen upon is to reign the world ever since.

Would it possibly be that he was too busy to spare any of his attention, at all, to mine? Or, for some reason, he stopped abruptly half-finished in mid-sentence, probably carried away by some other's and forgot to come back to finish mine?

There are seven deadly sins, namely pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth. So I learnt. I added one more to the list - declaring to a friend of mine that he who lets me see the light at the end of the tunnel shall be my God C being a polytheist, probably the deadliest of the deadly.

She, who was baptized last year and now is such a god-feared Christian, was unsurprisingly only too quick to subject me to the severest condemnation she could ever summon up. I don't blame her, to whom my thoughts of that kind are simply beyond her religious boundary. She wouldn't understand, not even in her wildest dream, that hurling profanity at her mighty glorious God might not be my wilful intention. Rather, an expression of desperation,or, more exactly, being confused.

I am still a lamb gone astray, waiting for the advent of a faintest ray of hope, preying arduously for the eventual enlightenment.

Or, shall I draw the line at throwing myself at the mercy of fate?

Yep.

Generally well done. The consistent mood, the easy flow, and the intimate tone make the piece an interesting reading. But the "Yep" at the end spoils the .

I』m a  believer in brevity. I would begin the first paragraph with something like 「 I sometimes let my tired mind wander. …」

Religion, especially god, is not my favorite subject. I believe it』s tantamount to spiritual enslavement, something that the ruthless use on the lamb type.

If I can hazard a guess, the passage is written by a sentimental female who is intelligent and well-read. Logic is not her strength and politics is not her favorite.

Actually, I didn't mean for it to be a formal essay in the first place when I started. I was literally thinking aloud. That mostly contributed to the awkward finishing at the end.

If you can give some comments on the translations I have posted, I would be most grateful.

By the way, since I am quite shaky at proper punctuations, could you give some help or advice? That has been plagueing me for quite a long time.

Many thanks.