RidgeWalker

https://big5.backchina.com/?279140

獨立是個信仰 -- Independent Is Faith

作者：RidgeWalker 於 2011-10-24 00:37 發表於最熱鬧的華人社交網路--貝殼村

作者分類:插圖散文|通用分類:自我介紹|已有37評論

關鍵詞：

獨立也是信仰

經常當一個人需要放鬆的時候，頭腦就會冒出來個想法。有一天在鎮里走路，路過教堂，布告板上寫著：膜拜時間，上午10：00。咣當一聲，膜拜這個詞就地粘上了我，陪我走了一路。天哪，試問天上宮闕，今夕是何年？鍛煉身體走了四個小時，而這個疑問也就一直跟隨著我。

從來不反對任何形式的個人信仰，只是沒法令人信服而已。也許個人形象令人起疑，就像我對膜拜這個詞嚴重過敏一樣。從政治狂熱的年代走來，有些反應已屬本能，不經過頭腦。那是一場浩劫呀，卻有個好聽的名字，文化革命。一場噩夢延續了整整十年哪，有人一輩子兩輩子都忘不了那些場景，人們瘋狂了，把別人的頭顱砸碎了，那都是些實實在在的頭顱啊。這些暴力為同一種信仰而爆發，一個個的都在捍衛自己的政治信仰。可笑，可悲而凄慘哪，鬥爭的各方都忠於同一個毛主席。社會各階層的人都要表忠心。問題不在忠與不忠，而忠於的程度差異就能造成生命的悲劇。太不可思議，太離奇古怪了。

打破了頭顱也打碎了所有的信仰。很明顯嘛，任何信仰都不能高於生命。生命珍貴，必須珍惜。人應該追求自己的獨立思想，遠離愚蠢和狂熱。這就是求生的本能。保存珍惜生命的原始能量，不可盲信。

後來，在書本上了解到西方大規模的戰爭都是宗教狂熱分子發動的，就一點也不感到驚訝。戰爭是反人類的罪行，有些傷疤至今依然能感覺絞痛，有些屈死的鬼魂還在墳墓里痛哭。所以，一個人必須學會堅強，不論誰來拉你加入他們組織，都要保持獨立。

學生年代，國家擺脫了文化革命的噩夢。一夜之間宣傳機器不停地鼓噪科學這個詞，聽上去彷彿一劑科學的魔方就可以治癒所有的社會沉痾。信仰披著不同的外衣沉渣泛起。試問科學能安撫人的靈魂嗎？打砸搶結束了，但是疼痛依還在，癒合需要時間吶。

這個國家等不及了，讓一幫十幾歲的孩子去學科學。作為捷徑，十一二歲的少年被選進了天才班。每天都在絕地反撲；日子被掛上了超速擋；狂熱還在延續。無法否認剛剛恢復的高考改變了我的人生，同時上了大學也讓我對科學失望。對許多人來說科學僅僅是謀生的手段。而今，如果有人拉起科學那五顏六色的大旗，包自己，嚇別人，只能令人感到噁心。人要誠實噢，科學僅僅是一種思維方式，而不是真理本身。一個科學家可以努力發現真理，但決不能以真理的代言人自居。

要說就把話說清楚，不管我們的時代里科學技術如何成功，人的頭腦，思維，想法，感覺，感受，慾望，夢想，幻覺不論如何解說永遠都不會科學。把人類的頭腦換算成一串串數字，符號，然後放入一個怪異的方程式，只有脫離常人思維的書獃子可以分解的方程式，那是犯罪。今天，我們還能說我們是人，我們還有權利說我們不是小數點，不是數字，不是符號，不是科學為所欲為的任何縮寫？

科學是人類活動，從而不能喧賓奪主的。大部分科學命題從假設開始。任何假設都是先入為主從而需要大量的資金和資源去證實其真偽。科學對人類生活貢獻不小，因為科學始終不渝地在尋找證據，從而有別于于與編撰故事的信仰。真正的科學家是謙遜的，因為真理令人謙遜。

八十年代就來到美國，那時大部分中國籍的留學生來自台灣，香港，印度尼西亞和馬來西亞，從大陸來的學生寥寥無幾。在一起久了，有人就評論說我表現得比較無我。也許人家言之有理，經年的革命和口號已經令我不自覺地失去了自我。那一刻我似乎讀懂了詩人王小濱的，「中國，我的鑰匙丟了。「那個年代壓抑人性，直至最後完全失去自我。到了最後連我們自己都自豪地宣布甘當大機器的螺絲釘。我們不再是人了，所以那個自我也就沒有必要了嘛。

獨立自主是美德。堅持不結盟表現了一個人的智慧和勇敢。看不起那些把自己內心的懼怕，不安甚至無能交給一個比如上帝那樣比較託大的概念，從此不再努力，滿足於現狀。人還是要有一些自尊的。一個人必須站著生活，成為對社會有貢獻的一員。不幸啊，太多的人甘當乘客，還不斷地哭喊這個世界給他的不夠。置世界於身外了，嘿，您生活在這個世界上，請不要把自己當成邀來之客。同時我也看不慣那些把自己的懼怕和不安傳給孩子的父母。外面的世界不可怕，那只是你的狹隘與偏見，放開手讓孩子們自己去探索吧。

獨立不是自戀。自戀是一種心理疾病。對立需要努力，堅持不懈。一個人必須學習，足夠堅強，走下去。獨立是個信仰。

2011年10月5日

——————————————————（英文原文）—————————————————————

Independent Is Faith

This happens quite a bit, I think. Often, when one wants relaxation, certain thought pops up unannounced. The other day, I was taking a walk through town. A church』s announcement board said: Worship Hours: 10:00AM. Bang, just like that, the word "Worship" stuck with me for the rest of the way. Wow, what do they do there? It was a thought that refused to depart as I continued to walk for a total of four hours, my form of good exercise.

Through the years, I've had a hard time convincing others that I am not against personal faith of any shape and form. Maybe it has something to do with my persona, for I have a strong allergy towards the word worship. This reaction may have stemmed from the fact I grew up in a political frenzy, a horrid event with a pretty name, cultural revolution. The nightmare lasted ten years. It will take a lifetime or two to forget how folks had gone crazy and smashed each others' skulls open, literally. All of them claimed that their violence erupted from strong faith, defending the integrity of political loyalty. It was almost comic but ultimate tragic that the hostile sides were loyal to one Chairman Mao. It was a forced exhibit, from all corners of the society. The difference of the same faith could result in life and death struggle. That was absurd and unbelievable.

Smashing human skulls apiece also smashes my faith in any belief. The logic is so painfully obvious: no faith should reign supreme to human existence. Life is more precious and should be cherished. I must seek my own independent mind, for stupidity and frenzy should be avoided by all means. It had become a survival instinct. I shall not invest one ounce of energy into any blind belief.

Later, I learned that quite a few wars of epic scale were instigated by religious fanatics. That was no surprise to me at all. World Wars were criminal and anti-humanity. And the scars remain painful till this day. Some ghosts are still crying in their graves. One must remain adamant and cherish one』s independence amidst all kinds of calls for affiliation.

When I was still a youngster in school, the country finally shook off the nightmare of the cultural revolution. Almost overnight the propaganda machine started to spew out the word science at an alarming rate, as if all the social ills could and would be cured by a magic portion of science. Faith of a different kind was rearing its ugly head. Could science comfort human soul? The smashing may have ended but suffering hadn』t. Healing needed time.

The country decided to move on. For one thing, they rushed many of us teens into science. They even rounded a few 11 year olds and 12 year olds into genius camps in the hope of a quick fix. Desperation was our life; life was put on overdrive; and the crazy feeling was prolonged. I admit the newly restored national examination changed my life. But it was in college I become disillusioned with science. Many folks were in science just to make living. Today it repulses me when someone wraps him or herself in the over-sized and multi-colored flag of science. Let's be honest. Science is just a paradigm, not absolute truth. As a scientist you may work to find truth but you don't represent truth.

Let's make this clear once for all. No matter how successful science and technology are in our time, our minds, our ideas, our thoughts, our feelings, emotions, desires, impulses, dreams, fantasies, are not entirely scientific, no matter which way you cut it. It is a crime, really, to reduce human minds into numbers, a series of cute symbols in a complicated equation which only the nerdiest nerds can figure out. Can we say this, or do we still have the right to say, that we are humans, not dots, numbers, symbols or whatever you scientific attitude likes to render us?

Science is human activity, not the other way around. Most scientific research starts with an assumption. An assumption is always subjective and needs a lot of funds and resources to prove it, right or wrong. Science contributes a great deal to life, because it makes a practice to seek evidence as opposed to make up stories. True scientists always feel humbled because truth humbles.

I came to America in the 1980s. Most of the Chinese students here were either from Taiwan, Hong Kong or Indonesia and Malaysia, only a few of us came from the Mainland. After spending some time together, I was accused of being selfless. Maybe they were right. I didn』t notice that I had lost myself in endless revolution and slogan shooting. That was the moment when I suddenly understood when a poet named Yang Xiaobin wrote, "China, I lost my key." The society forced us to first reduce then lose ourselves completely. Eventually we were proud to be screws and bolts of a large machine. We were no longer human thus self wasn』t necessary.

Independence or self-reliance is a virtue. Non-affiliation has its wisdom and courage. I dislike those who pass their fear and insecurity or even inability to something bigger, see God, and become self-content with no effort in life. We are talking about self-respect here. One must lead one's own life and become a contributing member of the society. Unfortunately there are too many bus riders who constantly whine that they didn't get enough from the world outside. What world outside? You are in it; so, don't count yourself as an invited guest.

I also look down on those who pass their fear and insecurity to their children. The world isn』t as frightful as your little minds perceive. Let the child find out by herself, will you?

Independence has nothing to do narcissism which is a psychological disorder. Independence requires work, dedication. One must learn and study to have the strength to endure on. Independence is faith.

October 5, 2011