A collection of choice specimens of funny jokes/笑話集錦

See, some people when they are rich and  they have lots of money, they even couldn't recognize their grandfather. What a sadness!!!

and mingyu, why don't you put some more jokes out here? [:443:]

How to Tell Today Isn't Your Day...

A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry.""No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing.

I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.""I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison

Money Talks!


During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
[:470:]

Hi, Adelyn,
actually you have been led a vey meaningful and enjoyable life . I know you hates time going too fast, just like me. Then you wish there is 31 days in every month. Actually 12 月1日, for sure, many people who are enjoying life don't like to spend his life so fast...Really time flies like an arrow. It is right, from one meaning, year 2005 is only one day apart from year 2006... How fast! Wish every body have a wonderful new beginning in the coming 2006.

And just when I was thinking about ..., you show up and drink my ...

ha, this trouble making truck driver turned out to be one who had his day worse than "really bad."

"She made me a better offer."

the pastor could be bought.

oh......... to be continue.....

thanks all....

So he should be kicked out , right?

This one was on the radio this morning. I didn't hear who the originator was, so I can't give credit where it's due.)

So this guy wants to have a luau. He needs a pig for a luau, so he goes to a pig farm. He asks the farmer for a twenty-pound pig.

The farmer goes into the pen, searches around awhile. He picks up a pig, puts the tail in his mouth, and begins swinging the pig around for a few seconds. He puts the pig down, and says, "Nope, not quite twenty pounds."

He picks up another, puts the tail in his mouth, swings the pig around awhile, and declares, "This one's twenty pounds!" He brings the pig out, and the man says in a shocked tone, "You can't weigh a pig like that!"

"Sure I can," said the farmer, "Watch this." He called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig. The boy came over, picked up the pig, put its tail in his mouth, and swung it around awhile. He put the pig down and said, "This one weighs twenty pounds."

The man still looked perplexed, so the farmer told the boy to get his mother so that she can weigh the pig.

After five minutes, the boy returned alone. "She can't come out just yet," the boy said. "She's weighing the mailman." [/COLOR]

Luau-[美]夏威夷式宴會

wow, what a joke!

the man weighed a pig with the tail in his mouth. the boy did the same. and the woman did it completely differently and would have much more fun...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts after reading, it seems I have more drive to deliver more jokes...haha...enjoy!

[CENTER]Funny pictures[/CENTER][/SIZE][/COLOR]

ENJOY! IF YOU HAVE MORE, PLEASE SHARE WITH US, THANKS!

haha, mingyu, what a collection of funny pics!

hope we can make some stories for them.

it seems I have more drive to deliver more jokes

okay. i spin...

　　網路時代電子情書
　　
　　親愛的MM：
　　
　　深知你「掃描」得不快，所以我用「286」的速度打字。自從上次短線后沒能與你「鏈接」上，我真想順著電話線這個「通道」，再用 「986」時速爬過來看你。
　　
　　我仍幾得我們在聊天室里第一次相遇的情景，彼此之間的感情「傳遞系統」和 「接受系統」都飛快的發揮起來，從沒出現過「死機」。
　　
　　從那時起，我們的愛情「程序」就「啟動」了，別人都說我們很「兼容」。是屬於「超級鏈接」。特別是我們見面的那幾天，感情很快「升級」了，根據你對我「發送」的那些「信息」，表明你很願意讓我打開你的「文件」。 MM，你知道我有多愛你嗎？
　　
　　我有一個永遠為你「超頻」為你「奔騰」的「芯」。
　　
　　我的「硬碟」里下載的「數據」和「比特」，我可為你更改我的程序.....
　　
　　你的父母很反對我們之間「連網」實現「資源共享」，說我們的「配置」不當總是有意無意向我們發出「警告」，特別是你媽這個「黑客」，老嫌我「內存」太少，又沒有「硬體」，唉。看來你家人真是個難以突破的「瓶頸」。
　　
　　不管怎麼樣，584，51211314！



Electronic Love Letter in the Internet Era
　　
My dear,
　　
Knowing that you can't scan the screen for the message as fast as I can type, I would use a computer with Intel's grandpa 286 chip to connect with you. Since the last time I short-circuited the chance to connect to you, I have kept dreaming of running through this alternative of telephone lines to you at a speed equivalent of a futuristic i986 chip.

I still remember the scene when we first met each other at a chatting room on the Internet. Our sending and receiving systems were running at full capacity to exchange feelings between us. Our connections were so firm, not dropped for even once, during the time of that first encounter.
　　
Our love systems have started since then. We are considered by friends as mutually compatible with a super strong connectivity. Since that day, our relations have upgraded so quickly that your later messages are full of suggestions of your willingness to let me open any of your "files" to see things that are most private to you. My dear, how much I missed you!
　　
My heart is beating at a super high rate because of you.
　　
My memory is full of information I collected from you where I can read your personal characters and whatever, in order for me to change my programs to make a perfect adaptation to your life.
　　
Your parents are opposing the proposal that we connect to fully share our resources, worrying about our very different background setting-ups, and trying to intervene with warning signals, especially your mother, who behaves like a hacker, is unhappy with my lack of bank savings and hardware items. Alas, it seems to me your family is an impossible bottleneck to break out.

No matter what is going to happen, as long as I am alive, I will not stop loving you.

584  51121314- 我發誓, 我要愛你一生一世

幾個男人在一家私人俱樂部中運動後進入更衣室休息，突然放在一條長凳上的手機響了起來，一個男人拿起它，接著就有如下的對話：　
　男:「喂？」　　女:「親愛的，是我。你在俱樂部嗎？」

　　男:「是的。」　　女:「太棒了！我就在離你那兒只有兩條街的購物商場內。我看見一條非常漂亮的貂皮大衣，它非常高貴華麗！我可以將他買下嗎？　


　男:「價格如何？」　　女:「只要1,500美元。」　

　男:「好，如果你那麼喜歡它，就去買下它吧。」　　


女:「哦！我經過默西迪斯代理店時看見2003年新款。那車款我十分喜歡，我已經和銷售員交談過，他願意給我一個相當不錯的價錢，再說我們也需要將去年買的寶馬給換了。」


　　男:「那他出什麼價？」　　女:「只有60,000美元。」　


　男: 「好吧，但價格這麼貴，我希望它功能齊全。」　　女:「太棒了！在我們掛機之前，還有些事。」　


　男:「什麼事？」　　女:「可能看起來太多了，不過我是參考你的銀行帳戶來的。　　今天早上我經過房產代理處，發現去年我們看中的那幢房子正在拍賣！你還記得嗎？就是那幢帶有一個游泳池，英式花園，停車場，位於海濱地區的。」

　　男:「多少錢？」　　女:「只要450,000美元，這個價錢非常合理，而且我們銀行還有足夠多的錢。」　　男:「好吧，去買下它吧，但必須殺價到420,000美元，好嗎？」　


　女:「沒問題，親愛的！謝謝！我過會兒來看你！我愛你！」　　男:「再見！我也愛你。」　　這個男人掛了線，關上手機的機蓋，然後舉起他那隻握著手機的手，問所有在場的人：「[B]有誰知道這支手機是誰的？」  [/B]

The Best Hubby in the World

When they walked into the changeroom to take a rest in a private health club, a handset placed on a bench was ringing. One of the men went over to pick it up and began to talk.

The man:"Hello?" A female voice:"Darling, it's me. Are you in the club?"

Answered the man:"Yes."  The female voice:"That's wonderful! I am now in the shopping mall just two blocks away. I see a fabulous mink coat coat. May I have it?"

The conversation continued.

Male:"How much is it?"  Female:"Just 1,500 dollars."

Male:"Okay. If you like it so much, why not?"

Female: "Oh, I saw a new 2003 model when I passed by that Mercedes dealership and I loved it. I have talked to the salesman and got a good offer from him. By the way, we need to replace the BMW we bought last year, do we?"

Male:"How much does he ask for?" Female:"Only 60,000 dollars."

Male:"Okay. But it is quite expensive. I want it fully loaded." Female:"Terrific! And I have another thing to tell you before I hang up."

Male:"What?" Female:"Maybe it's a little too expensive. But I consider it appropriate with the wealth as shown in your bank accounts. The house we saw and liked very much last year is now open for sale. It's the one located near the seashore, with swimming pool, English garden, and garage. Do you still remember it?"

Male:"What's the asking price?" Female:"Merely 450,000 Dollars. The price is very reasonable and we have enough money in our bank account." Male:"Okay, go ahead to take it. But you have to negotiate the price down to 420,000 dollars, okay?"

Female:"No problem, my dear! Thank you. I will come over to see you soon. Love you!" Male:"Bye. Love you too." After hanging up, he covered the handset and held it high to show around:

"Does anybody know whose cellphone it is?"

..[/COLOR]

Thanks for the translation of "看他是不是世界上最好的老公"?

[CENTER]
YYUR ..............................................................................................                                                                                                     [fly] too wise you are[/fly][fly] too wise you are[/fly][/COLOR]
  YYUB  ..............................................................................................

[fly]now do you know the answer- too wise you are[/fly][/COLOR]

ICUR ..............................................................................................?

YY4M   ..........................................................................................?

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