積極人生從7個習慣開始3

Watch the three habits: four, five and six.
     First, think win win. Say to the person something like this, "Why don't we agree to communicate until we can find a solution we both feel good about? Would you be willing to do that?" In almost all cases, people will say yes to you.  
     Now watch habit five. Let me listen to you first. Most people do the very opposite. They want to first be understood. And when both parties want to be understood 1)simultaneously, that's called the 2)collective 3)monologue, the dialogue of the deaf. They're not really listening, they're either speaking or preparing their speech. So the fifth habit is communicate, first by listening, then expressing.
     Now what's habit six? That's where you're very creative and you think through new and better ways, new and better solutions. For instance, let's say that I want to go on a vacation out into the lake country, and you want to go on a vacation closer to your 4)ailing mother. It's important to you. The other is important to me. I've looked forward to it. I'm a fisherman at heart. The boys are excited about it. But your mother is ailing and you don't have an opportunity to see her very much. And that's important to you.
    Now, if I'm deep into 5)authoritarianism, I might say, "I don't really care what you think that much, when I want your opinion I'll give it to you. We're going fishing. Or I'll 6)beat it out of you." Or if I'm into 6)martyrdom, I might say, "Well, have your way with me." It's the way it always is. I always lose. In the former case I'm into win-lose. In the latter I'm into lose-win.
     Or we could apply habits four, five and six. Assuming we have an abundant mentality and enough internal security to carry on this communication, and say, "Let's agree to communicate until we can find a solution we both feel good about, would you be willing?" "Alright, let's do it." "Let me listen to you first. I understand that visiting with your mother is so important because you haven't seen her for this, and here's your situation and you can 7)relieve your sister who've been taking care of her." And you keep expressing until the other person feels deeply understood. "But you know what we've been doing with these boys? And how much time and effort we've been giving to their lessons, and they want to get into this 8)fly-fishing, and it's just the perfect situation?"
     And then I am understood. I am 9)empathized to. And the spirit of mutual understanding creates such an affirmation, such a respect for each other. We're not going to go for lose-win, or win-lose, nor are we going to 10)compromise. We create new 11)options, new 12)alternatives in our minds. We find a lake near the mother. Maybe it's not as good as the lake we had prepared, but I feel much better about it, because I respect my wife. And I love her, and I love her mother, and want to attend to that important need in a way that would also meet my boys' need to have an expression of their fishing opportunity. It's a win-win solution.
     Is it compromise? No. It's a better solution.
     Some might say it's compromise, you really wanted to go to this lake. You're compromising. Not so. I really don't. Because I care about my wife and I care about her mother. Neither is it a compromise to her. She doesn't want to see those boys just climbing walls while she tends to her mother, takes care of her, has some good family visits. She likes to see those boys involved in doing the thing they'd been preparing to do. So they go for a win-win solution.
Now this little story could be 13)amplified in any 14)conceivable situation, my friends. Seriously, I am convinced that almost without an exception, if people practice four, five and six, they can take almost any difference, and produce a third alternative better than either of the other two.

積極人生從7個習慣開始

   看看第四、第五和第六這三個習慣。
   首先，思考雙贏的方案。向別人這麼說：「我們何不繼續交流，直到我們找到一個雙方都感到滿意的解決方案？你願不願意呢？」幾乎每次人們都會說好的。
   現在來看看第五個習慣。讓我首先來傾聽。許多人做的與此恰恰相反。他們希望首先被了解。當雙方同時都希望被了解的時候，我們稱這種情況為「集體獨白」，是聾子的對話。沒人在認真地傾聽，他們不是在講話就是在準備講話。因此第五個習慣是：在交流時先傾聽后表達。
   那麼第六個習慣是什麼？在那是，你要發揮創造力想出新的、更好的方法，想出新的、更好的解決方案。舉個例子說，假設我要到鄉村湖畔去度假，但你希望度假的地方離你生病的母親近一些。這對你很重要。另一個則對我很重要。我一直盼望著到那裡去。我打心眼裡盼望當個漁夫。孩子們為此躍躍欲試。但你的母親生了病，你沒什麼機會去探望她。而那對你又是重要的。
   如果我是個極端霸道的人，我或許會說：「我才不管你想什麼，我不需要聽你的意見，我告訴你就好了。我們要去釣魚。你不去也要去。」又或者我是個富有犧牲精神的人，我會說：「好吧，我聽你的。」向來總也如此。我總是讓步。在前一種情況中，我得到了贏輸。在後一種情況中，我得到的是輸贏。
   或者我們可以應用上第四、第五、第六個習慣。假設我們的才智與內心安全足夠以進行交流，並說：「我們繼續交流，直到找到一個我們雙方都感到滿意的解決方案，你願不願意呢？」「好的，就這樣吧。」「我先聽你說。我明白你需要去探望母親，因為你緣於此原因沒去看望過她，你的情況如此，你要去換換你姐姐，是她一直在照顧母親。」你不停地解釋，直到對方感到被深深地理解了。「可你知道我們在這些孩子身上花了多少心思嗎？我們花了多少時間與精力給他們上課，而且他們想去釣魚，現在正是最好不過的時機？」
   於是我得到了理解。我就得到了體諒。這種相互理解的精神為雙方創建出一種肯定、一種尊敬。我們沒採取輸贏或贏輸策略，我們也用不著妥協。我們創建了新的選擇，思想中的新抉擇。我們在靠近母親的地方找了個湖泊。也許它不如我們原計劃中的湖那麼好，但我的感覺好多了，因為我尊重了我的妻子。我愛她，愛她的母親，我想辦法將這個重要的需要傳達給我的孩子們，既滿足他們的需要，也令釣魚的事情有了解釋。這是個雙贏的策略。
   這是妥協嗎？不，這是個更好的解決辦法。
   有的人或許會說，這是個妥協，你真正想去的是這個湖。你在做出讓步。並非如此。我沒有讓步。因為我關心我的妻子，關心她的母親。對她而言這也不是妥協。她也不想在照顧母親、照料她、與親人歡聚的時候看到孩子只有牆爬。她希望看到孩子們一直在準備做的事情沒有落空。所以他們得到的是雙贏的方案。
   好了，朋友們，這個小故事可以延伸到任何一種想得到的情況中去。認真地說，我確信這幾乎沒有例外，如果人們貫徹應用第四、第五和第六個習慣，他們將能發現差別，產生比其他兩個方案更好的第三種選擇來。

1) simultaneously  adv. 同時地
2) collective  a. 集體的
3) monologue  n. 獨白
4) ailing  a. 生病的，情況不佳的
5) authoritarianism  n. 權力主義，獨裁主義
6) martyrdom  n. 犧牲，殉難
7) relieve   v. 減輕，換班
8) fly-fishing  n. 用假蠅釣魚
9) empathize  v. 神入，移情
10) compromise   n. 妥協
11) option  n. 選擇
12) alternative  n. 二中擇一的選擇
13) amplify   v. 放大
14) conceivable   a. 想得到的

第七個？？