我的中國媽 美國爸

世界周刊1462期(3/25)「親子話題」刊出梅花、蘭花‧彼得森的「我的中國媽 美國爸」之後，周刊得到許多讀者回饋，稱許這對15歲中美混血雙胞胎以鮮活文字，真實描述不同文化價值觀下的家庭生活，以及她們一路走來的體會。多位讀者希望讓自己的青少年子女也能一讀文章，從中學習，但子女中文不好或根本不懂中文，詢問是否能考慮刊出英文譯稿。編輯台接受讀者建議，本期推出梅花、蘭花自譯的「我的中國媽 美國爸」英文稿，敬祈鑒察。●

My Chinese Mom American Dad(我的中國媽 美國爸)

By: Lilac Meihua & Dahlia Lanhua Peterson(梅花、蘭花‧彼得森)

As Chinese-American biracial twins who are currently sophomores at a Los Angeles magnet school, it goes without saying that we』ve had a diverse cultural upbringing. For a long time, we』ve wanted to write an article about what it』s like to have a Chinese mother and an American dad.

A Different Perspective

By the time we reached eighth grade, we had a long-entrenched writing habit, and we wanted to take a college creative writing class that summer. One of the college's requirements was that we first complete the most advanced level English class offered; we began conducting serious research on the college's website. There were a total of nine professors who taught the course, but the best one was someone we'll call Professor Goldsmith. After reading all of the student evaluations, we learned that she is notoriously tough, and only about half her students pass the course. Facing a serious choice, we decided to ask our parents. Our dad said, 「You should definitely choose her. I think your first college experience should create a lasting first impression on you, and that it』s best to have the most challenging class, as opposed to a class you』re going to sleep through.」

Our mom said, 「You already know she』s strict and her class is very difficult. You』ve only just finished seventh grade. Since this is just a class that you need to pass in order to take creative writing, why not register with another professor?」 After much deliberation, we chose Professor Goldsmith.

A week after the course began, we realized that lurking behind Professor Goldsmith's kind demeanor were some iron-clad rules. For example, if you were one minute tardy, she would not accept your homework; anyone late with homework more than three times would be dropped from the class. She got to know us better over the next two weeks, and when she learned that our mother is Chinese, she immediately asked if we had read The Joy Luck Club. We told her that as children we had read the book and seen the film, which dealt with about the development of four Chinese immigrant mothers and their daughters, told over three generations. However, since we had experienced The Joy Luck Club such a long time ago, our memories were vague and lacking in detail. The professor clasped her chin in her right hand and said in a very serious tone, 「I hope that you will read it again.」

As we read the book again, we were deeply touched. We now understood that our mother』s forms of criticism are well-intentioned because Chinese mothers usually criticize more than praise their children. While this is the source of some dissatisfaction and misunderstanding among American-born Chinese youth, this is how the Chinese people educate their children. The Chinese mother』s preference for criticism and an American mother』s penchant for praise is just one of the differences between Chinese culture and American culture.

Fortunately, after much hard work, we were able to pass our English course. During eighth grade we successfully finished a creative writing class. The experience of those two courses allowed us to progress fluidly through high school English classes. At this time, my father confidently declared, 「Studying is not just about earning good grades; it truly focuses on what has actually been learned. It is also not about selecting the path that will most conveniently deliver the desired result. Now that you have encountered a good teacher, you see that they provide you with knowledge that most books cannot give you. A really good professor will subtly deliver knowledge that provides one with knowledge and strength. Sometimes it is a powerful experience that can last a lifetime.」 Wouldn』t you agree?

Belittling Their Children

We have realized that Chinese mothers mostly like to criticize. They believe that it is for the target』s own benefit and enhances that person』s growth process to make that person stronger. The criticism from our mother is hard-hitting, and sometimes feels like a stabbing knife. It makes us feel very uncomfortable, but still we must swallow it. We believe Chinese parents should be more understanding of how American children grow up in the West, rather than apply Chinese standards. For Western children, this set of Chinese methods is hard to accept.

For example, we know an American-born Chinese classmate who is very smart and lovely. She looks like a porcelain doll, gets straight A』s, and plays the piano masterfully. But at a piano competition we all attended, when she failed to win, her mother said in front of us, "You see how ugly and stupid she is!」 We couldn』t help gaping at her comment. How could her mother stand in front of everyone and make such accusations? But our friend smiled and pulled on her mother's hand and walked away. We saw how helpless she was, and how accustomed she had become to this form of behavior. When we translated her mother』s words to our father, he said, "This is horrible! That』s nothing but verbal abuse and insults!" Our mother replied, "This isn』t anything much, she was just saying that out of anger and frustration."

The Chinese also tend to compare amongst themselves; especially with their children. We once had a tennis coach whose father was Chinese and mother was Swedish. He was born in the States and couldn』t speak Chinese. Once we became close with him, he told us that the only Chinese sentence he knew was, 「You are a 『food bucket』.」 We asked him why he would such a thing, as this was a degrading term. He told us that as a child, he was passionate about tennis, and didn』t care much for his studies, but his younger brother eagerly studied. Every day, his father would use this term 「food bucket」 to criticize him as a person who only knew how to eat and couldn』t do anything better. Now, his little brother is a well-known brain specialist, while he is a talented tennis coach. Yet to this day his father considers him a food bucket.

Chinese parents expect their children to do well, and be better, even to be the best. It is natural for the Chinese to compare their children to one another to see if there is something that can be learned from the successes of others. They do so without realizing the invisible pressure and scars they give their children. There are a lot of parents out there who weren』t able to realize their dreams, and thus put their hopes in their kids. Sometimes the parents' wishes do not match up with their child's dreams, and this causes the child to feel conflicted and bitter. We would like to see a happy medium that combines the best of both the Western and Chinese approaches.

Confronting early education

When we were 2 years old, not long after we learned to talk, our mother began using flashcards to teach us how to read. Later on, we learned that our father did not agree with this approach, and he thought that she was joking. My dad said that most Americans would have objected even more strongly than he did, because they are not accustomed to any child learning to read before the age of 5. Some parents feel that even kindergarten is too early to start learning letters of the alphabet, and that doing so would be imposing a difficult burden on kids. Our dad initially thought that our mother』s approach was impossible. But my mother insisted, and soon we understood a lot of words. At the age of 3 we began to read children's books, and we didn』t stop. By age 7, we had finished reading almost all the books in the children』s section of our local library and began searching for world classics designed for older readers.

We were 5 years old one day when my mother was chatting with our grandfather in China through an overseas phone call. He recommended that since we have read so many books, we should start a diary. Our mom suggested that this should wait until we were 6, but our grandfather insisted, why wait? Our mom went downstairs to ask our opinion and we both shouted, "Yeah! We want to write!」 Our mom found two notebooks with most of the pages unused and tossed them to us. Dahlia sat down and wrote for her first entry: 「Today I am happy, but I also want a piece of candy.」

Our father didn』t object to the idea of keeping a journal, but thought it was a pretty tall order for children our age to be doing this, and still had doubts that we could pull it off. But after six months, our father began to love reading our diaries. He marked minor edits in our diary entries with his red pen, sometimes praising what we wrote, and other times underlining a sentence, saying it sounded like a famous quotation. This form of encouragement caused us to love writing even more. As a result, by age 10 we both had each filled eight notebooks. In fifth grade, our English teacher gave us an assignment to write an autobiography of our first decade. We eventually wrote about 100 pages and eventually received an offer by the Chinese Baihua Literature and Art Publishing House to publish a bilingual volume of our autobiographies.

We have done things in the past that our father did not always believe would be successful. But now, he admires what the three of us have done and gives us full credit and a thumb up.

The Chinese School Conflict

When we were 5 years old, we went to Chinese school every Saturday. After a year of this routine, our father said to our mother, "These children are so small, their weekends should be time for them to relax and play. Besides, the Chinese school is so far away, and requires them to get up too early. Why don』t you teach them Chinese at home?」 He then turned to us and asked if we thought this was a good idea. Of course, we jumped up and agreed heartily. Our mom had to abandon her idea for the time being. Our mom bought Chinese books and diligently prepared lessons, but most of the time her lessons were interfered with by other events and couldn』t fit properly into our schedules. We always had a lot of other things to do; playing the piano, hiking, ballet, and sometimes skating, drawing, watching movies and so on. Time flowed like water, and a year later we had learned only a few dozen words.

At this time, our mother became incensed, and firmly told our dad that things could no longer go on like this. Our mom did not put it to a vote; every Saturday she would take us on her own accord to attend Chinese school. Thus we went for eight continuous years. To be honest, as we reflect on this issue we are grateful for our mother』s insistence. Without her dedication there is no way we would have been able to speak fluent Chinese, let alone translate or write articles in Mandarin. Last year, we took the AP Chinese exam and both scored a 5, the highest possible score. We use our skills to correspond with Xue Tao, a famous author of children's books in China, with more than 300 letters written over a span of three years. We were also named junior overseas correspondents for the China Shenyang Evening News, and have been so for the last three years, publishing more than a dozen articles for their paper.

Had we listened to our father and spent the weekends relaxing and playing we would not have obtained such results. This reminds us of an old Chinese saying: If you plant melons and beans, you will harvest melons and beans. If you don』t sow you cannot harvest!

Music: A lifetime』s pleasure, or an embellishment on the college application?

Most Chinese children learn one or two musical instruments, and learn them well. However, once they have passed the advanced-level music exam, they cease lessons and concentrate on their GPA. When we passed advanced level piano in eighth grade, our mother suggested that we should stop learning the piano in order to save time that could be invested on furthering our academic achievements. The entire week after she told us this, we felt heartbroken; it was as if we had forgotten how to smile.

We told our mom that if we stopped taking piano, it would be as painful as cutting off all 10 of our fingers. In response, our mom shook her head, speechless. After listening to what was said, the corners of our father』s lips turned upward into a smile. It was then that he quietly decided to buy us a Steinway grand piano. Wow! Talk about a different response! Finally, our father persuaded our mother that since the children are interested in piano, then let them continue to learn; this appreciation that they harbor towards playing piano is a rare gift. Since their playing has reached a standard of high quality, and the twins are also frequently being invited to entertain with piano duets, they should continue to play, he said.

Buying the grand piano gave us more confidence and motivation to excel at playing and ingrained the instrument as a part of our lives. Someone once said, 「If a man does not understand music, then he will never know true happiness.」 We think music is so beautiful; it』s much more than just a line on a college application.

Pure Gold Always Shines

Our mom is very focused on academic performance, while our father stresses the importance of ability as well as community service and extra-curricular activities. . Our mother believes that participating in many activities is primarily needed in order to complete the college application form; she doesn』t consider so much the fact that it builds character. However, our father says that social activities are designed to develop a person』s capacity and personality, and develop a sense of volunteerism. Our dad always emphasizes the fact that getting involved in the community is necessary as part of a person』s responsibility to become a responsible citizen of both America and the global village. In fact, admissions officers at first-class universities see it the same way.

We know of two sisters from a Chinese family who were each tied for the second-highest GPA of their school, out of 800 graduates. They had passed advanced piano, and were accomplished tennis players, although they had not joined their school』s tennis team. These two people saw themselves bound for an Ivy League university, and a medical career. Not a single Ivy League school admitted them, although they made the wait list in a couple of cases. Finally, they both ended up at UC Berkeley. It』s a fact that thousands of American high school students dream of attending Berkeley. However, these sisters thought that their dreams had been shattered. At Berkeley, they became very negative, and abandoned their plans to study medicine. They selected the minimum coursework required, and it seems that they are in it to get easy A』s. Given their behavior, it is not difficult to see why an Ivy League admissions office might turn them down. A piece of gold shines wherever it might be.

In short, we feel fortunate and blessed to have developed in household that blends Chinese and American culture we have had the opportunity to absorb the ideal values and dispose of both cultures』 shortcomings. We wish to further our knowledge and skills, so that we can be messengers of Sino-US culture and form a bridge of communication between the two nations. We also hope that this article can open the doors to allow people to consider blending values from Chinese and American cultures, adopting the most desirable ones while casting away the rest.



Read more: 世界新聞網-