出自維基中國的假想

出自維基中國的假想
From WikiChina
By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN　托馬斯•弗里德曼
紐約時報
November 30, 2010  二零一零年十一月三十日
    While secrets from WikiLeaks were splashed all over the American newspapers, I couldn』t help but wonder: What if China had a WikiLeaker and we could see what its embassy in Washington was reporting about America? I suspect the cable would read like this:
    來自維基解密的秘密消息充斥著美國報紙，我不禁想到：如果中國也有一家維基解密，中國在華盛頓的大使館會如何報道美國呢？我猜電文會是這樣的：
    Washington Embassy, People』s Republic of China, to Ministry of Foreign Affairs Beijing, TOP SECRET/Subject: America today.
    中華人民共和國（美國）華盛頓大使館，發往外交部，絕密。標題：今日美國。
    Things are going well here for China. America remains a deeply politically polarized country, which is certainly helpful for our goal of overtaking the U.S. as the world』s most powerful economy and nation. But we』re particularly optimistic because the Americans are polarized over all the wrong things.
    對於中國來說，這裡一切都很好。美國仍是一個政治嚴重偏激化的國家。可以肯定，這對中國超越美國，成為世界上最強大的經濟體、最強大的國家是有利的。尤其讓我們樂觀的是，美國人在所有事情上都是如此偏激。
    There is a willful self-destructiveness in the air here as if America has all the time and money in the world for petty politics. They fight over things like — we are not making this up — how and where an airport security officer can touch them. They are fighting — we are happy to report — over the latest nuclear arms reduction treaty with Russia. It seems as if the Republicans are so interested in weakening President Obama that they are going to scuttle a treaty that would have fostered closer U.S.-Russian cooperation on issues like Iran. And since anything that brings Russia and America closer could end up isolating us, we are grateful to Senator Jon Kyl of Arizona for putting our interests ahead of America』s and blocking Senate ratification of the treaty. The ambassador has invited Senator Kyl and his wife for dinner at Mr. Kao』s Chinese restaurant to praise him for his steadfastness in protecting America』s (read: our) interests.
    當美國為世界上所有的政治瑣事花費時間與金錢的同時，美國的本土卻瀰漫著一股有意的自我毀滅氣息。他們為機場安檢人員的搜身方式爭論不休，而我們絕對不會這樣做。我們還高興彙報，美國人正在與俄羅斯關於裁減核武器發生爭執。似乎共和黨人格外熱衷於給奧巴馬找麻煩，共和黨人還準備破壞加強美俄合作的條約，比如就伊朗問題的合作。因為任何美俄之間的合作都會結束對中國的孤立，所以對於亞利桑那州參議員瓊•凱爾阻止美俄合作條約的通過，這種將中國利益置於美國之上的行為，我們表示十分感謝。大使先生已經邀請了瓊•凱爾先生及其夫人前往Mr. Kao中餐廳赴宴，以表彰他對保護美國（實際是中國）利益堅定不移的決心。
    Americans just had what they call an 「election.」 Best we could tell it involved one congressman trying to raise more money than the other (all from businesses they are supposed to be regulating) so he could tell bigger lies on TV more often about the other guy before the other guy could do it to him. This leaves us relieved. It means America will do nothing serious to fix its structural problems: a ballooning deficit, declining educational performance, crumbling infrastructure and diminished immigration of new talent.
    美國人剛剛結束了一次「選舉」。我們可以肯定，必然有某一個眾議員試圖比別人籌得更多資金（這些錢全部來自那些將要被整治的企業），好讓他可以在電視上對其他議員潑更多的髒水。這讓我們很放心。看來美國還不會動真格的，去修補它的結構性問題：膨脹的赤字、下滑的教育質量、破敗的基礎設施以及數量萎縮的高端人才移民。
    The ambassador recently took what the Americans call a fast train — the Acela — from Washington to New York City. Our bullet train from Beijing to Tianjin would have made the trip in 90 minutes. His took three hours — and it was on time! Along the way the ambassador used his cellphone to call his embassy office, and in one hour he experienced 12 dropped calls — again, we are not making this up. We have a joke in the embassy: 「When someone calls you from China today it sounds like they are next door. And when someone calls you from next door in America, it sounds like they are calling from China!」 Those of us who worked in China』s embassy in Zambia often note that Africa』s cellphone service was better than America』s.
    大使先生最近乘坐了一次從華盛頓到紐約的高鐵（Acela列車），用了整整三個小時！而我們的城際專線從北京到天津只要九十分鐘。大使先生在列車上用手機向辦公室打電話，一 個小時之內竟然掉線十二次，而我們的列車絕對不會發生這樣的問題。我們大使館工作人員中流傳著一個笑話：「一個人從中國給你打電話，聽上去他就在隔壁。而一個人從美國隔壁給你打電話，聽上去卻像是從中國打來的。」我們在尚比亞大使館工作的同事也時常注意到，非洲的手機服務質量要比美國還好。
    But the Americans are oblivious. They travel abroad so rarely that they don』t see how far they are falling behind. Which is why we at the embassy find it funny that Americans are now fighting over how 「exceptional」 they are. Once again, we are not making this up. On the front page of The Washington Post on Monday there was an article noting that Republicans Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee are denouncing Obama for denying 「American exceptionalism.」 The Americans have replaced working to be exceptional with talking about how exceptional they still are. They don』t seem to understand that you can』t declare yourself 「 exceptional,」 only others can bestow that adjective upon you.
    但是美國人對此一無所知。他們很少出國旅行，以至於不知道美國已經落後了。當美國人還在不斷地證明他們是多麼「高高在上」時，我們在大使館的工作人員就覺得這件事格外好笑。又一次，我們中國人不會這樣。這周一華盛頓郵報的頭版有一篇共和黨議員薩拉•佩林與麥克•赫卡比的文章，他們譴責奧巴馬，因為奧巴馬否認「美國特殊論」。美國人只是空談他們是多麼的與眾不同，卻不做任何實際的工作。他們似乎不明白：一個人不能宣稱自己是特殊的，只有別人才能對這個人作出評價。
    In foreign policy, we see no chance of Obama extricating U.S. forces from Afghanistan. He knows the Republicans will call him a wimp if he does, so America will keep hemorrhaging $190 million a day there. Therefore, America will lack the military means to challenge us anywhere else, particularly on North Korea, where our lunatic friends continue to yank America』s chain every six months so that the Americans have to come and beg us to calm things down. By the time the Americans do get out of Afghanistan, the Afghans will surely hate them so much that China』s mining companies already operating there should be able to buy up the rest of Afghanistan』s rare minerals.
    在國際政策方面，我們認為奧巴馬沒有可能將美國軍隊撤出阿富汗。奧巴馬知道，如果他這麼做，共和黨人一定會說他是懦夫，所以美國仍將每天在阿富汗戰場花費一點九億美元。因此，美國勢力不會在世界其它地方對我們構成威脅，尤其是在朝鮮這個地方。我們這個朝鮮傻朋友，每六個月就會讓美國緊張一次，以至於美國人不得不跑到我們這裡，央求中國讓事態平息。等到美國人真正離開阿富汗的時候，阿富汗人一定對其恨之入骨，而那裡的中國礦業公司可以一舉買下阿富汗其它剩餘的稀有礦產。
    Most of the Republicans just elected to Congress do not believe what their scientists tell them about man-made climate change. America』s politicians are mostly lawyers — not engineers or scientists like ours — so they』ll just say crazy things about science and nobody calls them on it. It』s good. It means they will not support any bill to spur clean energy innovation, which is central to our next five-year plan. And this ensures that our efforts to dominate the wind, solar, nuclear and electric car industries will not be challenged by America.
    大多數剛剛當選的美國國會議員根本不相信科學家告訴他們的關於人為氣候變化的事實。美國的政治家大多是律師，不像我們的從政者大多是工程師和科學家。所以美國政治家只會說科學家講的都是一些怪論，沒有人相信。這樣很好。這意味美國人不會在清潔能源創新方面投入資金，而此項目是我們十二五計劃的重中之重，其確保我們在風能、太陽能、核能和電動汽車上的努力不會被美國挑戰。
Finally, record numbers of U.S. high school students are now studying Chinese, which should guarantee us a steady supply of cheap labor that speaks our language here, as we use our $2.3 trillion in reserves to quietly buy up U.S. factories. In sum, things are going well for China in America.
最後，請注意一下正在學習中文的美國高中生數字，它確保當我們用二點三萬億美元的外匯儲備悄無聲息地買下美國的所有工廠時，可以有穩定的會說中國話的廉價勞動力。總之，美國發生的一切對中國很好。
    Thank goodness the Americans can』t read our diplomatic cables. 謝天謝地，美國人讀不到我們的外交電文。
    Embassy Washington. 華盛頓大使館

哈哈.......真真假假

沒有說中國獨裁，政治上不正確