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MY CHINA, MY TIBET
Caught in the Middle, Called a Traitor
By Grace Wang Sunday,
April 20, 2008; Page B01
I study languages -- Italian, French and German. And this summer -- now that it looks as though I won't be able to go home to China -- I'll take up Arabic. My goal is to master 10 languages, in addition to Chinese and English, by the time I'm 30.
我學義大利語，法語和德語。而在這個我似乎無法再回到中國的夏天，我計劃把這段時間用來學習阿拉伯語。我的目標是：在我30歲的時候，除了漢語和英語，再掌握10門語言。
I want to do this because I believe that language is the bridge to understanding. Take China and Tibet. If more Chinese learned the Tibetan language, and if Tibetans learned more about China, I'm convinced that our two peoples would understand one another better and we could overcome the current crisis between us peacefully. I feel that even more strongly after what happened here at Duke University a little more than a week ago.
我如此(饑渴地學習外語)，因為我相信語言是通向理解的橋樑。拿中國和西藏來說吧。如果更多的中國人學習藏語，而更多的西藏人學習中國的更多事情，我相信，我們這兩個民族能夠更深地彼此理解；而現在我們之間的危機，我們也能夠和平地克服。
Trying to mediate between Chinese and pro-Tibetan campus protesters, I was caught in the middle and vilified and threatened by the Chinese. After the protest, the intimidation continued online, and I began receiving threatening phone calls. Then it got worse -- my parents in China were also threatened and forced to go into hiding. And I became persona non grata in my native country.
當我試圖在中國的和支持西藏的校園遊行者之間調停的時候，站在中間立場的我被中國人抓住、誹謗和恐嚇。遊行結束之後，這種恐嚇仍然在網路上繼續著，而且我開始收到恐嚇電話。然後事情變得更加糟糕：我在中國的父母也被威脅，不得不躲藏起來。我在自己的祖國成為了「不受歡迎的人」。
It has been a frightening and unsettling experience. But I'm determined to speak out, even in the face of threats and abuse. If I stay silent, then the same thing will happen to someone else someday.
這是一段令人恐懼不安的經歷。不過我決定，即使冒著威脅和辱罵，也把它說出來。如果我保持沉默，也許同樣的事情將來什麼時候會發生在另外一個人身上。
So here's my story.下面是我的故事。
When I first arrived at Duke last August, I was afraid I wouldn't like it. It's in the small town of Durham, N.C., and I'm from Qingdao, a city of 4.3 million. But I eventually adjusted, and now I really love it. It's a diverse environment, with people from all over the world. Over Christmas break, all the American students went home, but that's too expensive for students from China. Since the dorms and the dining halls were closed, I was housed off-campus with four Tibetan classmates for more than three weeks.
當去年八月我第一次來到杜克大學的時候，我曾擔心我不會喜歡這裡。杜蘭姆，杜克所在的地方，只是北卡州的一個小城, 而我來自有430萬人口的大城市青島。但是最終我適應了，而且現在我深深地愛上了這裡。這裡的人們來自世界各地，構成了一個複雜的環境。聖誕假期時，所有的美國學生都回家了，但是對中國學生來說回家的旅費太貴了。因為宿舍和食堂都關門了，我在校外租房子住了三個多星期，和四個西藏同學一起。
I had never really met or talked to a Tibetan before, even though we're from the same country. Every day we cooked together, ate together, played chess and cards. And of course, we talked about our different experiences growing up on opposite sides of the People's Republic of China. It was eye-opening for me.
雖然我們來自同一個國家，可是在此之前，我從來沒有親眼見過一個西藏人，更別提和他們交談了。在這段時間裡，我們每天一起做飯，一起吃飯，一起玩牌和下棋。當然，我們也討論我們在中國的兩端長大所經歷的不同的生活。這種交流開闊了我的眼界。
I'd long been interested in Tibet and had a romantic vision of the Land of Snows, but I'd never been there. Now I learned that the Tibetans have a different way of seeing the world. My classmates were Buddhist and had a strong faith, which inspired me to reflect on my own views about the meaning of life. I had been a materialist, as all Chinese are taught to be, but now I could see that there's something more, that there's a spiritual side to life.
我一直認為雪域高原是個浪漫的地方，很久以來都對西藏懷有好奇和嚮往，不過我從來沒有去過那裡。現在我了解了西藏人懷有一種和我們不同的世界觀。我的西藏同學們是信仰堅定的佛教徒，他們的信仰啟發了我去思考自己生命的意義。就像所有的中國人被教育而成為的一樣，我曾經是一個唯物主義者。不過我現在看到了更多的東西，看到了生命還有靈性上的一面。
talked a lot in those three weeks, and of course we spoke in Chinese. The Tibetan language isn't the language of instruction in the better secondary schools there and is in danger of disappearing. Tibetans must be educated in Mandarin Chinese to succeed in our extremely capitalistic culture. This made me sad, and made me want to learn their language as they had learned mine.
在三周里我們談了很多，當然我們交談時都是用的中文。在好一些的中學里藏文都不是教學的語言，藏語現在已經是一種瀕危的語言，面臨著滅絕的危險。西藏人必須接受漢語教育來在我們的極端資本主義化的文化中勝出。這讓我感到很難過，讓我產生了願望去學習他們的語言，既然他們已經學習了我們的。
I was reminded of all this on the evening of April 9. As I left the cafeteria planning to head to the library to study, I saw people holding Tibetan and Chinese flags facing each other in the middle of the quad. I hadn't heard anything about a protest, so I was curious and went to have a look. I knew people in both groups, and I went back and forth between them, asking their views. It seemed silly to me that they were standing apart, not talking to each other. I know that this is often due to a language barrier, as many Chinese here are scientists and engineers and aren't confident of their English.
4月9日傍晚發生的事情讓我想起了這些回憶。當我走在從餐廳去圖書館學習的路上時，我看到了廣場上舉著西藏旗和中國國旗的對峙的人們。在此之前我沒有聽說有關遊行的任何事，所以我感到好奇，想去看個究竟。在兩群人之中都有我認識的人，我在人群之間穿行，詢問我的朋友們的看法。兩群人站得涇渭分明，互相完全不交談，我感覺這樣很愚蠢。根據我的經驗，這種局面經常是由語言障礙造成的，因為很多在這裡的中國人是科研人員和工程師，他們都對自己的英語能力沒有自信。
I thought I'd try to get the two groups together and initiate some dialogue, try to get everybody thinking from a broader perspective. That's what Lao Tzu, Sun Tzu and Confucius remind us to do. And I'd learned from my dad early on that disagreement is nothing to be afraid of. Unfortunately, there's a strong Chinese view nowadays that critical thinking and dissidence create problems, so everyone should just keep quiet and maintain harmony.
我認為我應該試圖讓兩群人走到一起，開始一些交談。讓每個人能夠用更寬的立場去思考問題——這也是老子、孫子和孔子教導我們的。我的父親也曾經教育過我，觀點分歧沒有什麼可怕的。不幸的是，現在的中國人裡面有一種被廣泛接受的看法：批判性思考和不同政見總是會造成問題，所以每個人應該保持沉默，營造和諧。
A lot has been made of the fact that I wrote the words "Free Tibet" on the back of the American organizer of the protest, who was someone I knew. But I did this at his request, and only after making him promise that he would talk to the Chinese group. I never dreamed how the Chinese would seize on this innocent action. The leaders of the two groups did at one point try to communicate, but the attempt wasn't very successful.
很多事情都是由我在支持西藏活動的組織者後背上書寫標語「解放西藏」引出來的，那位組織者是一個我認識的美國人。事實上我這麼做僅僅是出於他要求我這樣做，並且以我幫他寫了之後，他才會和中國遊行者對話為交換條件的。我怎麼也想不到中國人會如何抓住這件清白無辜的事情作為把柄。雙方的組織者確實一度進行了溝通的嘗試，但是並不是很成功。
Chinese protesters thought that, being Chinese, I should be on their side. The participants on the Tibet side were mostly Americans, who really don't have a good understanding of how complex the situation is. Truthfully, both sides were being quite closed-minded and refusing to consider the other's perspective. I thought I could help try to turn a shouting match into an exchange of ideas. So I stood in the middle and urged both sides to come together in peace and mutual respect. I believe that they have a lot in common and many more similarities than differences.
中國遊行者們認為，作為中國人，我應該站在他們的一邊。支持西藏遊行者們大部分是美國人，他們並不真正了解問題的複雜性。事實上，雙方都是閉目塞聽的，每一方都拒絕考慮另一方的立場。我覺得我能夠幫助大家，試圖把一場吼叫的比賽變成一場意見的交流。這就是為什麼我要站到中間，力勸雙方心平氣和、相互尊重地走到一起。我相信大家有更多共通的地方。求大同，存小異。
But the Chinese protesters -- who were much more numerous, maybe 100 or more -- got increasingly emotional and vocal and wouldn't let the other side speak. They pushed the small Tibetan group of just a dozen or so up against the Duke Chapel doors, yelling "Liars, liars, liars!" This upset me. It was so aggressive, and all Chinese know the moral injunction: Junzi dongkou, bu dongshou (The wise person uses his tongue, not his fists).
中國遊行者們——可能有100人或更多，遠大於藏獨遊行者的數量——變得越來越意氣用事、大喊大叫，不讓另一方說話。他們步步緊逼，推擠得對方——只有一打人的藏獨遊行者群體——抵在了杜克大教堂的門上，高喊著「騙子，騙子，騙子！」這讓我感到很難過。這太盛氣凌人了，所有的中國人都該知道這句諺語的：君子動口，不動手。
I was scared. but I believed that I had to try to promote mutual understanding. I went back and forth between the two groups, mostly talking to the Chinese in our language. I kept urging everyone to calm down, but it only seemed to make them angrier. Some young men in the Chinese group -- those we call fen qing (angry youth) -- started yelling and cursing at me.
我感到很害怕。但是我相信我是在試圖增進雙方互相的理解。我在兩群人之間來回穿梭，大部分時間都在和中國人用我們的語言交談。我一直力勸每個人冷靜下來，但是看上去只是令他們更憤怒了。一些中國年輕人——我們叫他們「憤青」——開始對著我叫罵。
What a lot of people don't know is that there were many on the Chinese side who supported me and were saying, "Let her talk." But they were drowned out by the loud minority who had really lost their cool.
很多人不知道，在中國人這一邊，也有很多人支持我，說著：「讓她說話。」但是他們的聲音被少部分喪失冷靜者的叫喊聲淹沒了。
Some people on the Chinese side started to insult me for speaking English and told me to speak Chinese only. But the Americans didn't understand Chinese. It's strange to me that some Chinese seem to feel as though not speaking English is expressing a kind of national pride. But language is a tool, a way of thinking and communicating.
[因為我說了些英語，中國這邊的一些人指責我，叫我只說漢語。但是美國人不懂得漢語。一些中國人認為不說英語是在體現民族尊嚴，我認為這樣想很奇怪。語言是一種工具，一種用來思考和交流的工具。
At the height of the protest, a group of Chinese men surrounded me, pointed at me and, referring to the young woman who led the 1989 student democracy protests in Tiananmen Square, said, "Remember Chai Ling? All Chinese want to burn her in oil, and you look like her." They said that I had mental problems and that I would go to hell. They asked me where I was from and what school I had attended. I told them. I had nothing to hide. But then it started to feel as though an angry mob was about to attack me. Finally, I left the protest with a police escort.
在遊行的最高峰，一群中國人圍住我，指著我, 說: 「記得XX嗎？所有的中國人都想用汽油燒死她，你看上去就正像她那樣。」 他們還說我精神有問題，我應該下地獄。他們問我是從哪個地方來的，我是哪所學校畢業的。我告訴了他們。我沒有什麼好隱藏的。但是然後情形開始感覺起來就像一群憤怒的暴徒快要攻擊我了似的。最後，我在警察的陪同下離開了遊行。
Back in my dorm room, I logged onto the Duke Chinese Students and Scholars Association (DCSSA) Web site and listserv to see what people were saying. Qian Fangzhou, an officer of DCSSA, was gloating, "We really showed them our colors!"
回到我的宿舍，我登錄了DCSSA（杜克華人學生學者聯合會）的網站和郵件群，看看人們怎麼說。Qian Fangzhou, DCSSA的一名幹部，沾沾自喜地說：「我們確實給了他們點顏色看看！」
posted a letter in response, explaining that I don't support Tibetan independence, as some accused me of, but that I do support Tibetan freedom, as well as Chinese freedom. All people should be free and have their basic rights protected, just as the Chinese constitution says. I hoped that the letter would spark some substantive discussion. But people just criticized and ridiculed me more.
我貼了一封公開信，解釋我沒有支持西藏獨立，就像一些人指責我的那樣。但是我支持西藏的自由，就像中國的自由一樣。所有的人都應該有自由，基本權利受到保護，就像中國政府宣稱的一樣。我希望這封信能夠引發一些實實在在的討論，但是人們只是更厲害地指責和奚落我而已。
next morning, a storm was raging online. Photographs of me had been posted on the Internet with the words "Traitor to her country!" printed across my forehead. Then I saw something really alarming: Both my parents' citizen ID numbers had been posted. I was shocked, because this information could only have come from the Chinese police.
第二天早晨，一股風暴席捲了網路。我的照片被貼在了網上，我的額頭上列印著「賣國賊！」的字樣。然後我看到了令人驚恐的事情：我父母的身份證號都被貼了出來。我非常震驚，因為這些信息只能來自中國警方。破陣網)qt+o4x_
I saw detailed directions to my parents' home in China, accompanied by calls for people to go there and teach "this shameless dog" a lesson. It was then that I realized how serious this had become. My phone rang with callers making threats against my life. It was ironic: What I had tried so hard to prevent was precisely what had come to pass. And I was the target.
我看到了我父母在中國的家的詳細地址，和號召人們去給「這個無恥的狗」一點教訓的帖子。然後我意識到了事態的嚴重性。我收到很多電話恐嚇我的人身安全。這很諷刺：我努力去阻止的東西，全部加諸我的身上了。
I talked to my mom the next morning, and she said that she and my dad were going into hiding because they were getting death threats, too. She told me that I shouldn't call them. Since then, short e-mail messages have been our only communication. The other day, I saw photos of our apartment online; a bucket of feces had been emptied on the doorstep. More recently I've heard that the windows have been smashed and obscene posters have been hung on the door. Also, I've been told that after convening an assembly to condemn me, my high school revoked my diploma and has reinforced patriotic education.
我第二天早晨和我母親通了電話，她說她和我父親要去躲藏起來，因為他們也受到了生命恐嚇。她說我不該打電話給他們。從那時開始，簡短的電子郵件成了我們唯一的聯繫方式。另一天，我在網上看到了我父母家的照片：門口倒扣著一桶糞尿。更加頻繁地，我聽說玻璃被打破和門被貼上猥褻標語的消息。並且我被告知，在集會討論對我的制裁之後，我的高中撤回了我的畢業文憑，並且加強了愛國主義教育。
I understand why people are so emotional and angry; the events in Tibet have been tragic. But this crucifying of me is unacceptable. I believe that individual Chinese know this. It's when they fire each other up and act like a mob that things get so dangerous.
我理解人們如此情緒化和憤怒的緣由：在西藏發生的事情確實是悲劇性的。但是要把我釘死在十字架上，這是不可接受的。我相信獨立思考的中國人明白這一點。因為那些人彼此煽風點火，表現得像暴徒一樣，所以事情才變得這麼糟糕。
Now, Duke is providing me with police protection, and the attacks in Chinese cyberspace continue. But contrary to my detractors' expectations, I haven't shriveled up and slunk away. Instead, I've responded by publicizing this shameful incident, both to protect my parents and to get people to reflect on their behavior. I'm no longer afraid, and I'm determined to exercise my right to free speech.
S現在，杜克大學警方保護著我的人身安全，而中國網路上的打擊還在繼續。但是和那些誹謗我的人預期相反，我沒有束手無策，偷偷逃跑。而我的回答，就是公開發表這件令人羞恥的事情，為了保護我的父母，也為了讓人們能夠反思自己的行為。我再也不害怕了，我決定檢驗我言論自由的權利。
language is the bridge to understanding.
因為語言是通向理解的橋樑。
Grace Wang is a freshman at Duke University. Scott Savitt, a visiting scholar in Duke's Chinese media studies program, assisted in writing this article.
後記：王千源是杜克大學的一年級學生。Scott Savitt,杜克中國媒體研究系的一位訪問學者，協助
英文全文來自《華盛頓郵報》
全文來自:http://www.pozhen.com/viewnews-4768.html
[ 本帖最後由 estella 於 2008-4-23 10:58 編輯 ] |
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