趣味英語

22. 我沒有睡著  


21. 可憐的丈夫  
20. 是燈光吸引了他們？  


]19. 父親在哪兒？  

18狗也知道這個諺語嗎？  


17 只算現金和信用卡  

16 精明的家庭主婦  
15可是老師哭了

14約會
13理所當然  

12. 瞌睡者  
11. 邏輯推理  
10. 只剩一個引擎

9. 醫生住在樓下  

8. 哪一個女人

7. 對「年輕者」的忠告

6. 吝嗇鬼請客

5. 給我那個打贏的
4. 我的狗不識字

3. 它們是從美國直接帶來的
2. 他真是一個大人物
1. 趣味英語Q&A


Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?


A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.


猴子會和跳蚤有什麼不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？


Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?


A: By treading on his corn?


如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是穀物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示「玉米/穀物」，也有「雞眼」的意思。


Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?


A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.


因為snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？


Q: What do people do in a clock factory?


A: They make faces all day.


一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鐘錶廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為製造鐘面。


Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?


A: Keep him awake.


    怎樣才能不讓夢遊者（sleepwalker）夢遊（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢遊者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢遊了。

[ 本帖最後由 cwjjzhou 於 2007-8-19 04:11 編輯 ]

He is really somebody

　　-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

　　-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

　　-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

　　　他真是一個大人物

　　-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。

　　-- 他真是一個大人物。幹什麼的？

　　-- 墓地守墓人。

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.


　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　　它們是從美國直接帶來的

　　一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃檯，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

　　這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

　　Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

　　Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.


　　我的狗不識字

　　布朗夫人：哦，

　　親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！

　　史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！

　　布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」

Bring me the winner

　　-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

　　-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

　　-- Well, bring me the winner then.

　　給我那個打贏的吧

　　-- 服務員，

　　這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。

　　-- 對不起，先生，這隻肯定打過架了。

　　-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。

The mean man's party.

　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

　　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　　"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

　　吝嗇鬼請客

　　一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」

　　「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」

　　「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。

Advice for "Kid"

　　A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."


　　忠告「年輕者」

　　這裡想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，

　　千萬別進退休社區。因為那裡人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，「讓小的干吧。」

Which woman?

　　One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

　　On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the
most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

　　My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

　　哪一位女人？

　　一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，

　　回來后發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了一陣。當我終於走進屋裡時大聲喊：「世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。」

　　我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：「媽媽來了？」

The doctor lives downstairs

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　  醫生住在樓下

　　「醫生」她衝進屋后大聲說道。

　　「我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。」

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：「太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。」

One Engine Left

　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r
esult."

　　Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

　　At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

　　只剩一個引擎

　　一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：「旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時　。」 過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：「各位，你們猜怎麼啦　？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。」 正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：「看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。」

Logic Reasoning

　　A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

　　"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

　　A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

　　邏輯推理

　　小學四年級的教師正在給學生們上一堂邏輯課。她舉了這麼一個例子：「有這樣一種情況，一個男人在河中心的船上釣魚，突然失去重心掉進了水裡。於是他開始掙扎並喊救命。他的妻子聽到了他的喊聲，知道他並不會游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰能告訴我這是為什麼？」 一個女生舉手答道，「是不是去取他的存款？」

　　[注]bank在英語中除了我們平時很熟悉的「銀行」之外，還有「河岸」的意思。

The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.

　　As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congreg
ation. "All who want to go to heaven，please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."

　　Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

　　瞌睡者

　　牧師非常生氣，因為總有一個人在他說教時打瞌睡。一個星期天，正當坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在佈道時睡覺。於是他低聲對信徒們說：「想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧。」所有的人都站了起來——當然，除了那個打瞌睡的人。在低聲說過請坐后，牧師高聲喊道：「想去下地獄的人請站起來！」打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來。看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣的看著他。這個人說道：「噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什麼，但看上去只有你和我是候選人。」

THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "Sex" had been spelled with an "o". One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "Sox": "Usually brown."


　　某學校發給學生的健康調查表裡有個錯別字——把「性別」的「性」字寫成了「襪」字。一位母親在為她的兒子填寫表格時，在「襪別」的那欄填上了：「棕色為主。」

　　[注] 英語中sex（性）與sox（襪）只有一個字母之差。

When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"


　　"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.

　　"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"

　　約會

　　在湯姆工作的大樓里有一個咖啡屋，那兒總有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。湯姆有些受寵若驚，因為這位小姐看上去至少比他年輕15歲。一天她又對湯姆招手並示意湯姆過去。於是湯姆走了過去。她問道，「您現在是單身嗎？」 「對，是單身，」湯姆滿臉堆笑的說。 「我母親也是，」她說，「您願不願意見見她？」

But the teacher cried

　　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

　　"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"

　　"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

　　可是老師哭了

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什麼不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。

　　約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他並問道：「學校怎麼樣？你過的好嗎？哭了沒有？」

　　「哭？」約翰問，「不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。」

A Smart Housewife.

　　A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"

　　精明的家庭主婦

　　一位精明的家庭主婦聽人說有一種爐子用起來可以比她現在用的爐子省一半的煤。她聽了大為興奮，說：「那太好了！一個爐子可以省一半的煤，那麼如果我買兩個爐子的話，不就可以把煤全都省下來了嗎？」

Only cash and credit cards

　　　 When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for

　　a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and  number of people.

　　　 " Do you take children?" the man asked.

　　　 "No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."

　　    只算現金和信用卡

　　　 一個人打電話給一家汽車旅館詢問房租，旅館的工作人員回答說 房租的多少取決於房間的大小和住客的人數。

　　　 「小孩兒算不算呢？」那人問道。

　　　 「不算，先生。」服務員回答，「我們只算現金和信用卡。」

Does the dog know the proverb,　too?

　　　 The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　　 "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　　 "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　    狗也知道這個諺語嗎？

　　　 一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

　　　「沒有關係，」一位先生說，「不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：『吠狗不咬人。』」

　　　「啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？」

Where is the father?

　　　 Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　　 "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　　 "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　　 The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　     父親在哪兒？

　　　 兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

　　　 「看，」哥哥說，「這些畫多漂亮呀！」

　　　 「是啊，」弟弟說道，「可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？」

　　　 哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：「很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。」

Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?

　　Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?
" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.

　　"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter."

　　"Thanks be to..."

　　Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor

　　holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.

　　"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"