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Throughout the world, many have negative opinions of America and I'd like to clear up a few of these misunderstandings.
It's true, most Americans know very little of foreign countries. If you were to ask a typical American what the English Channel is, we'll likely respond, "BBC." If you ask us about the Battle of the Bulge we'll tell you it's our diet. If you mention Virgin Airlines we'll say, "Man, talk about customer service meets the mile high club."
With the advent of Hooters Air I wouldn't be surprised at all to turn on the TV one day and see a commercial for Viagra Airlines. "The airline where no one sleeps and everyone stays up. If the pilot's cabin is rocking, don't come knocking."
Many people throughout the world complain that Americans think the world revolves around us but can you blame us when fifteen years ago all our best musicians got together and sang, "We are the world?"
If we screw things up, as many of you feel President Bush has, we can always sing the immortal words of the great modern day American philosopher, Britney Spears, "OOPS I did it again to your heart, got lost in this game of maybe."
As far as the Middle East is concerned you need to understand that Americans are pioneers. We crossed oceans; we moved west young man. Now we're running out of land so we figure, "Hey, let's move Middle East."
In America we have the Northeast, the Northwest, Southwest and the Mid-West. We're just adding the Middle East. Sure they have a different culture, a different language, and they're an entirely different country, but so is Texas.
I have been to Iraq and you can't complain that America is exporting our McDonald's culture to Iraq. If you travel through Iraq you see progress; you see trailer homes, pick-up trucks, and satellite dishes. We're not exporting McDonalds, we're exporting Oklahoma. You're worried about terrorist attacks, but Iraq is a tornado waiting to happen.
As a sign of our peaceful intentions, it is a fact that no two countries that have one McDonald's restaurant in them have ever fought a war against one another. I believe this is proof that we're not exporting drive-byes, but drive-thrus.
We get a bad rap for not knowing enough about world affairs but why should we get involved with world affairs when we don't even know where anything is?
You want us to critique President Bush but less then 50% of our population votes. We don't even have time to vote; do you think we have time to protest?
In closing, we are way over here and you are way over there. So, for most Americans you're out of sight, out of mind. So don't yell at the American people because we can't even hear you. Just be happy that we're all the way over here, out of the way, and out of our minds.
Michael P. Westhead is the founder of www.cutthroatcomedy.com which features original quotes, jokes, cartoons, products, and articles focusing on politics, current events and life in general. |
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