|
|
中國帶給我生命中最美妙的禮物就是我的女友，紅。我的家在南非，最初我和紅通過交筆友而互相結識。她的生活對我來說充滿了神秘色彩，兩個國家人們的思維方式和行為習慣是那麼不同。所以，這裡我想寫一點東西來談談和一位外國女孩戀愛是怎麼回事。
作為一個「老外」，當我告訴家鄉的朋友，我在和一位美麗的中國女孩約會時，他們都覺得我太幸運了。然而我發現，當紅承認她在和一個「老外」談戀愛時，她的同學卻都非常詫異。跨國戀情常常因為家裡人不贊成而以失敗告終，我聽說過許多這樣的故事。這使我不得不考慮很多問題。
在西方，人們會覺得和一個中國人談戀愛很正常，通常，家裡人會很贊成，並且他們也會覺得這很「酷」。同時很多西方人有一種觀念，即中國女性溫柔善良，對丈夫百依百順，體貼入微。但我可以告訴你，我周圍的女性朋友包括我的女友在內，都不屬於這種類型，事實上，是我一直寵著紅。
另外一件有趣的事是，我覺得中國女孩和外國女孩的浪漫程度不同。我周圍的一些外國朋友們也認為和西方女孩相比，他們的中國女友不夠浪漫。在中國，人們似乎有著不同的戀愛觀。
我發現在中國，大部分人都不相信愛情能戰勝一切，也不相信愛情會天長地久，他們似乎覺得每一場轟轟烈烈的愛情最後都會以「浪漫的死亡」而告終。在這一點上，和西方人相比，中國人都是悲觀主義者，而西方人卻更加天真、樂觀。我們甚至從電影里都可以看出這一點。
你在多少部西方愛情劇里看到女主人公最後死了？一部？兩部？但幾乎所有中國愛情電影里的戀人都會有一個死去，通常都是「她」死在「他」的懷裡。並且女主人公往往會同時被兩個男人追求，其中一個是女主人公的真愛，而另一個則有錢有勢。我認為這是中國人愛情觀的下意識流露。那個有錢有勢的男人，代表著許多女性想在婚姻生活中得到的東西――穩定和經濟保障。而那個真愛對象則代表著女性的慾望，而這種慾望通常是被禁止的。如果她大膽追求她的快樂，那她就會受到懲罰，在電影里，她就會死去。
我經常和紅談論將來，我總是把將來描繪得燦爛而美好。她卻似乎不那麼樂觀。我認為這有著歷史原因，歷史上的中國女性沒有選擇丈夫的自由。自由戀愛、自由婚姻的歷史在中國並不長。所以，過去「愛情是痛苦的」的觀點，在今天的中國仍被廣泛地折射出來。
我喜歡在夜晚和紅一起散步，我喜歡牽著她的手的感覺，這是我們愛情的一種表現。儘管如此，這種行為受時間和地點的限制，在朋友們面前我們不會有任何親昵的行為。在中國，我常常見到戀人們親吻、牽手，但絕沒見過他們在熟人面前這樣做。這和西方大不相同，西方的戀人們不介意當著朋友甚至是父母的面親吻或表達愛意。
也許將來我會和紅結婚，也許我們會生活在西方，那時，對周圍人們的戀愛方式感到驚訝的將會是紅。不管怎樣，當你到了一個不同國家，你有責任適應、接受當地的社會行為方式，尤其當你有一位中國女友，而且你也在中國。
(作者：Nick 南非/英國 廖波/編譯 本文作者現居上海，是一位網路英語外教)
By Nick
One of the best things that China has brought into my life is my girlfriend, Hong. I met her as a pen friend in my home country of South Africa. I found her very interesting because of the cultural divide between our countries. Her life is something of a mystery to me, motivations and inclinations being fashioned out of a country so different in ideological foundations. So here I will write a little about what it is like to have a foreign girlfriend.
Prior to my arrival in China I had two long term relationships which I use as a base for comparison, though I am sure my girlfriend would kill me if she knew! Sorry honey! One of the biggest differences I find is that my current girlfriend is more compassionate and receptive to my feelings. That being said, I think that many Chinese people enjoy a certain amount of teasing in a relationship, indeed I have become accustomed to the phrase 『Tao Yan』… though I am still not sure what it really means, I am sure it has something to do with her wanting to hit me with a mallet…
As a Lao Wai dating a beautiful Chinese woman my friends back home think that I am very lucky! Because of this reason I am proud to display her on MSN and through emails. However, I notice a bit of trepidation in her department when it comes to admitting she is with a Lao Wai (at least to her parents…) boyfriend. I have heard stories of inter-international couples who have broken up due to interjection from the disapproving family. This is something that makes me think. In the west, it is quite alright to date a Chinese person, in fact, the family would welcome it, and they would think it 『cool』. There is also a preconceived notion that all Chinese women are soft, easy to manipulate, waifs with only one goal in mind, to look after the man. I can tell you that my female friends do not fall into this category, nor does my girlfriend. In fact, it is I who dotes on her (the girlfriend).
Another thing that I find interesting is the level of romance that I experience. Many of my male friends who have Chinese girlfriends say that they are not that romantic, at least when compared to western girls. There seems to be a different mind set when it comes to love here. I find that people in china are more used to the idea that love does not work, does not last forever, and that awaiting them at the end of the affair is some romantic little 『death』. They are far more cynical then western people. Indeed western people appear more na?ve but at the same time, more hopeful. We can even see this in the movies that are produced. How many times do you see a western women die in a love drama? Once, twice? But in almost all Chinese movies the love interest dies, usually in the arms of her lover. There are also always two men after her, one who is the true love, the other some rich or powerful man after her. I think this is a subconscious representation of a countries psyche. The rich man represents what many women want in marriage, stability, and financial peace of mind and the real lover, her desires which are forbidden. In her attempt to achieve happiness she is punished, in the case of movies, she is killed.
I often talk about the future with my girlfriend as something that will be grand and joyous. She seems to take a more cynical approach, one that can even be seen in her poetry. Many of my friends also tell me their girlfriends are like this. I think that the reason for this goes back many years, when women did not have a choice in who they married. And, unlike the west, this only stopped recently. So the image of love being a painful thing is still prevalent.
One thing that I really like to do is to walk at night with my girlfriend. I enjoy holding hands as it is a sign of affection. However, this is something that has a time and a place. Situation: when in the company of one』s friends the level of physical contact drops to nil. Unlike the west public displays of affection are not socially acceptable in front of friends. It is common for me to see lovers kissing, holding hands, but never in a social group. This is very different to the west where people do not mind kissing or showing love in front of their friends, or indeed, in front of their parents. I think that this has something to do with respect, and I have to admit it is a refreshing change.
Of all the things that I have written above, none of them are of a nature where I cannot adapt. Perhaps in the future we will get married; perhaps we will even go live in the west. In this case it is her who will find love a very strange thing. Either way, when in a different country it is our responsibility to adapt and to accept the social setting, especially when your girlfriend is Chinese and you are in China.
來源：https://big5.backchina.com/news/2006-01-19/77967.html
中英雙語：老外看中國--我的漂亮東方女友不浪漫 。 |
|
狗仔卡
提升卡
置頂卡
沉默卡
喧囂卡
變色卡
搶沙發
樓主
