My daughter(3)

I didn't write anything about my children. Now I feel like writing them again. Thank you very much for taking your time to read what I wrote, which helps you to know of my daughter better.

the following is a letter the teacher asked the parents to write something about the children.


My daughter, Jenny, is a nice and peaceful girl. although she is only 7, she is very helpful to my family. At home she plays with my son, Jackie, very nicely.

Jenny is very creative, she can always find some interesting ways to play with her brother. Jenny's favourite hobby is to make her own "club" with Jackiew and have picnic in it. Jenny likes to make craft and she is good at that. We sent her to private teacher to learn piano, because we don't know anything about piano, she always ponder deeply over on song and finally she could play out her own tone, which is very close to the original one. Jenny likes drawing, too. Once we sent her to private class to study it, later on we found the way the teacher taught was not very good, so we stopped. Since that, Jenny was more interested in drawing pictures. Her pictures focus on flowers, trees , little people and houses.

Jenny is good at numbers, she likes maths. One day she told me she works on shape book, however, other people still work on number book. I am so proud of what she did.

Jenny's English needs improving more. I am happy she likes reading and she always does this without my monitoring. and she even makes her own stories and sometimes she types on the computer, just like I am doing now.

Jenny also likes to play games through internet. Jenny is very smart to play the games on the computer, sometimes she is even better than my husband and me.

Jenny is always helping me taking good care of Jackie. Sometimes when Jackie doesn't want to go to day care, she could find a good way to persuade Jackie, and Jackie likes to listen to Jenny as well.

Usually Jenny protects her brother adn she is often ready to give way to Jackie at most time. However, after all she is still a child, she needs being protected as well. Sometimes it is really hard for me to cope with the situation which there is one thing and both of them want to own it, so usually I have to have two in order to satisfy both.

Jenny is very fast in picking up new knowledge. She is very independent. she always tries her best to solve problems all by herself.

Jenny is a quiet (not very talktive) and thoughtful girl, However, Jenny is a restless girl. she likes many kinds of sports, such as grab monkey bar, and skip a rope. just name a few.

The big problem is Jenny doens't have a good habie of diet. Maybe it is my fault. Jenny likes to eat Mcdonald's and Pizza, she likes eat all kinds of fruits. She doesn't like eating vegetable at all and she doesn't like drinking milk...

In a word, We love Jenny very much, we hope she will be much stronger in minds and body.

[B]the following is one story Jenny wrote on the computer:[/COLOR] [B]Once upon a time there was a little girl named Stacy. She was good at school but one day she had a problem she could not find her lunch bag so everyone laughed but her teacher did not laugh because she did not think it was funny. she was always nice at school so 「why did the kids laugh at her?」 Maybe because everyone brought their lunch bag and she didn』t. Think about this-if you are the person who forgot to bring the lunch bag, every body laugh at you. How do you feel? I feel kind of sad said Stacy her friend said I』m sorry that I laughed at you and Stacy said it』s okay and her friend said can we still be friends Stacy said we still can be friends I』m always your friend so why did you ask? Because I was scared that you wouldn』t be my friend again I would always be your friend oh I never knew that you』d always be my friend you』 re the best friend ever we can now do our work said the teacher and Stacy worked really well she was the first one whose work to be done the next day Stacy remembered her lunch bag and she』ll remember her lunch bag until next time
the end.[/B]


To know more about my daughter, please go there,

[U]http://club.backchina.com/main/showthread.php?t=272518[/U]
[U]http://club.backchina.com/main/showthread.php?t=271431[/U]

Thx for bringing us this and letting us know a cute girl.
BTW, your daughter' s writing is very good.

Thank you very much, scott.

Do you think it will be better?


My daughter, Jenny is a nice and peaceful girl

change to My daughter, Jenny, is a nice and peaceful girl.
or  Jenny, my daughter, is a nice and peaceful girl

Jenny is very creative.(topic sentence, must with stop sign.) [/COLOR] For example (use evidence to support the topic)[/COLOR], she can always find some interesting ways to play with her brother. Jenny's favourite hobby is to make her own "club" with Jackiew and have picnic in it. (Second example )[/COLOR] Jenny likes to make craft and she is good at that. (third example) [/COLOR] We sent her to private teacher to learn piano, because we don't know anything about piano, she always ponder deeply over on song and finally she could play out her own tone, which is very close to the original one. (last example must be reorgnized in sequence )[/COLOR] Jenny likes drawing, too. Once we sent her to private class to study it, later on we found the way the teacher taught was not very good, so we stopped  (logical problem: have nothing do to with your daughter)[/COLOR]. Since that, Jenny was more interested in drawing pictures (What makes her more interested in drawing? class stopped? logical problem)[/COLOR] . Her pictures focus on flowers, trees , little people and houses

Revised version:

Jenny is very creative[/COLOR]. For example, she can always find some interesting ways to play with her brother. Her favourite hobby is to make her own "club" with Jackiew and have picnic in it. Jenny likes to make craft. she is good at that. She is a quick learner[/COLOR], for example, because we have no knowledge about piano,we employ one private teacher to teach her how to play piano. At the first beginning, she follows the rythme of the song not very well. However, after several tries, she can quickly play the rythme very close to the original one. She is also initiative and imiginative[/COLOR]. for example, we sent her to private class to study drawing. Later we found the way the teacher taught was not very good, so we stopped sending her there. But, since she experienced the drawing class, Jenny's enthusiasm in drawing was activated up. Her pictures are mainly about flowers, trees, little people and houses and are full of her imagination.

The big problem ( logical break, no transitional word)[/COLOR] is Jenny doens't have (negative expression) [/COLOR] a good habie of diet. Maybe it is my fault. Jenny likes to eat [/COLOR] Mcdonald's and Pizza, she likes eat [/COLOR] all kinds of fruits. She doesn't like eating [/COLOR] vegetable at all and she doesn't like drinking [/COLOR] milk...(four likes not balanced)

Jenney is almost perfect but a bad habit of dining (diet,食譜In nutrition, the sum of the food consumed by a body is its diet). For example, (always using evidence to support your topic, this is the big difference from Chinese writings) she adheres to all kinds of fruits; addicts to Mcdonald's and Pizza; detests all vegetables; and even hates milk.
adhere - addict -detest - hate (她過份依賴水果,噬好麥當勞和批撒餅,討厭蔬菜,甚至拒飲牛奶.程度越來越重,不重複一個動詞,不詞貧)[/SIZE]

Montrealer, thank you for your carefulness on pointing out my mistakes and making a detail analysis.