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Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars."
The two blonds looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head. The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this."
Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy."
Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this."
Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my hand."
But Jeff was adamant. " lease, Dave, take a look at this."
So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians. Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh... my... God... we're going to be millionaires!"
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
To which the blonde replies: "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, says to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly states, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know."
Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees her hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking,
"What's the problem...are you gonna be ok??"
"No...." exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."(Side pose...)
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "For God's sake, What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?!?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "Now think hard before giving me a stupid answer. This is your suspect, how would you recognize him??"
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses..."
The policeman is surprised and speechless... "Wow! I can't believe it ... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation??"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear..."
Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect.
The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description.
After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.
'Easy,' she replied. ''He only has one eye.'
The chief was stunned. 'He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!'
He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him. 'He only has one ear,' was her answer.
'What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!'
He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, 'How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.'
After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, 'He's wearing contact lenses.'
This took the chief by surprise. He looked! real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses!
He went back to her and asked, 'How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!'
'Well,' she said, 'he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?'
A Blonde bought a brand new Car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet his friend. She reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her "What Happened?"
She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,
"These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!" |
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