How to make real friends? (1)

How to make real friends?

We all need friends

「There exists a friend sticking closer than a brother.」  Since the time those words were written in the Bible some 3,000 yrs ago, human nature has not changed. Friendship is till as vital to the human spirit as food and water are to the human body. Yet, for many, satisfying this basic need for friendship is difficult. Loneliness is common. 「We don』t have a look fat to see some of causes,」 state Carin Rubenstein and Phillip Shaver in their book In Search of Intimacy. They cite such factors as 「widespread mobility」-people changing residence frequently-「impersonal, crime-ridden cities,」 and 「the substitution of television and home videotape-viewing for face-to-face community life.」

Modern life also spreads out time and energy thin. 「Today』s city dweller comes into contact with more people in a week than the seventeenth-century villager did in a yr or even a lifetime,」 writes Letty Pogrebin in her book Among Friends. With potentially hundreds of acquaintances crowding our lives, it can be difficult to focus on individuals long enough to develop and sustain deep friendships.

Even in places where not long ago the pace of life was less hectic, social conditions are changing rapidly, 「We used to feel very, very close to our friends,」 Says Ulla, who lives in Eastern Europe. 「But now many immerse themselves in their jobs or in personal pursuits. Everyone is busy all the time, and we sense out old friendship slowly coming apart.」 In the haste of the times, friendships can get relegated to a lower priority.

But our need for friends remains acute. Young people in particular feel this need. As Yael., quoted above, explains, 「when you are young, you need to feel accepted and belong, to feel close to someone.」 Young or old, we all need happy and meaningful friendships. And despite the challenges, there is much we can do to make and keep real friends. The following articles will discuss this.

「 A friend is someone you can talk to freely about anything, someone you can call any time of the day.」
  -------Yael, France[/COLOR]



Satisfying our hunger
      For   [B] Friendship
  [/B] [/COLOR]



「LONELINESS is not an illness,」 states the book In Search of Intimacy. 「Loneliness is a healthy hunger… an natural sign that we are lacking companionship.」 Just as hunger moves us to take nourishing food, feelings of loneliness should move us to seek our good friends.
Yet, as Yael, a young woman in France observes, 「Some people avoid all contact with others.」 But isolating ourselves, for whatever reason, solves nothing and inevitably makes us feel lonelier than ever. A Bible proverb says: 「 One isolating himself will seek his own selfish longing; against all practical wisdom he will break forth.」 So first we need to recognize our need for friendship and then resolve to do something about it.

[B]Take Practical Steps Toward Friendship[/B]

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself or envying those who seem to have more or better friendships, why not adopt a positive attitude, as did Manuela, from Italy? She says: 「 Particularly as a teen, I felt that I as being left out. TO overcome this, I studied people who had good friends. Then I tried to develop the good qualities they had, to make myself a more pleasant person.」 One practical step is to take care of yourself physically and otherwise. A healthy diet, proper rest, and adequate exercise all help you to look and feel your best. Being neat, clean, and well groomed not only makes you more desirable to be around but also gives you a healthy measure of self-respect. However, do not fall into the trap of becoming overly concerned about outward appearances. 「 Wearing fashionable clothing doesn』t make any difference in finding real friends. 「 Notes Gaelle, from France.   
"What good people are looking for is the inner person."

After all, our innermost thoughts and feelings affect what talk about and even how we look. Do you have a confident outlook on life? This will help you to have a happy expression on your face. A genuine smile is the most attrative thing you can wear and,explains body-language expert Roger E. Axtell, " it is absolutely universal" and "is rarely misunderstood." Add to that a good sense of humor, and people will be naturally drawn to you.

Remember, such good quailties come from the inside. So actively fill your minds and heart with wholesome, positive thoughts and feeling. Read about feeling interesting and meaniingful subjects-current events, different cultures, natural phenomena. Listen to uplifting music. But avoid passively allowing TV, movies, and novels to clog your mind and emotions with fantasy . The relaitonships usually portrayed on the screen are not real life, not real friendships, but the product of someone's imagination.

[B]....(to be continued...)[/B]
  
















[B]「A friend understands when you』re hurt and feels the same things inside that you do.」[/B]
-------Gaelle, France[/COLOR]

When I was young, I always thought one of the nice things I could have was to chat with my friends from dusk until dawn and the best thing I could be was a friend of someone I admired. I have had many friends but only a few close to me now. We rarely see each other because we don't live close by. We all are lazy to write to each other and just call occasionally. Everyone is busy at his business or with his family. This is the way we maintain our friendship. When my father passed away, some of them arrived earlier than I did and all of them helped us go through the worst time I never had before. To me, they are part of my family, part of my life.

「A friend understands when you』re hurt and feels the same things inside that you do.」

I don't know how to make real friends now, but I do have a few.

it is unfair that i can give this thread only one diamond as the followup opinions was so well written which should have a share. but i have no choice because Backchina just gives my so much power...

thank you mingyu and zzyzx for the sharing and the demonstration!

[:462:]

「 A friend is someone you can talk to freely about anything, someone you can call any time of the day.」
(only for best friends)

「A friend understands when you』re hurt and feels the same things inside that you do.」
(I could understand when my friend is hurt, and feel the same thing, but....none of my friends can do this...atleast, I didn't find 1 yet, I really wish I have 1 friend like this...=(     )

This kind of friend is really hard to find. Actually friend is kind of feeling in your heart. If you can't be this kind of friend to somebody else, How come you ask others to do that? Love somebody just as love yourself, then you'll find everything is so bright...

thank you for telling me all this, I tried to be nice with others, and tried to understand them, tried to feel the same things when my friends are hurt...
but, all I got is "thank you"or things like that(it's not so bad...but...)......
maybe they just not mature enough...all my friends are 12-13 years old...