The art of listening

Listening is a conscious effort to hear. It represents a vital communication skill that enables us to learn from one another. Essentially, any conflict (as well as prejudice and bigotry) is a by-product of a lack of knowledge of others. The best way for us to understand how another feels or thinks is to listen to him.

Listening should be done intentionally. Profitable listening does not happen by accident. It we hear others as we should, it will be because we intended that way. Without proper listening, stress and resentment will build up between individuals and within family. Indeed, children who are listened to by their parents are much more apt to be open to instruction from their parents.

Listening should also be done attentively. Few things are more disallusioning and disconcerting than to put up with an inattentive listener. Listening time should be quality time. Distractions should be kept to a minimum. Good eye contact should be maintained. Pertinent questions should be asked when appropriate.

Listening should also be done understandingly. We must listen with an open heart. A understanding listener will take into consideration when emotions are pent up, when the body is tired or afflicted, when the mind is in anguish. If we listen defensively by mentally making notes of what we can say in return to defend ourselves, it is unlikely we will grasp the true meaning of what is being said. The real message will be lost because we are filtering it through our defense system.

Listening should also be done actively. What is said must be acted upon and not quickly forgotten. Active listening will not allow what we hear to go in one ear and out the other. As we listen to what the other person is saying, we will be moved to change our behavior toward him in a more positive and productive way.

We listen to others so we can learn better how to relate them. The art of listening is to become an intentional, attentive, understanding and active listener. By undertaking this conscious hearing more often and in depth, we will know each other better, and get along better.

傾聽是種藝術！