Help! Daughter is driving me bananas!!!

Source: http://neuro-www.mgh.harvard.edu ... 9AMhelpDaughte.html[/COLOR]


Hello all,

I hope you can help me...
I have a 22 year old daughter (Kari). She has a problem that drives our family up the wall. She always gets tangled up in her own web, wanting to solve a situation immediately, which ends up being impractical for me and for our entire family. She gets fixated on an idea. For example, last week she got transferred from our Community Mental Health to a psychiatric outpatient clinic without any explanation. She is upset about this, and feels she has been rejected.

Today she saw a social worker at the outpatient psychiatric clinic. She described her situation, and when the session was finished she wanted to call them back and find out IMMEDIATELY what her diagnosis was. She couldn't get an answer right away; the clinic hadn't returned her call. She got it in her head until she was in tears, spending hours tonight, calling hospitals, crisis units in our city, and practicing psychiatrists to ask them whether she can be seen because she HAS to find out what her diagnosis is (TONIGHT!!!!). She was so upset that she couldn't be seen immediately that she went into a fit of tears for hours. She was willing to stay up all night in order to find a therapist who will give her one. I couldn't get her to understand that she needs to wait until tomorrow because there aren't too many places that are OPEN tonight! But no, she insisted that she must get it NOW or she will be absolutely despondent.

She has told me that a concrete diagnosis gives her a sense of identity, and a sense of belonging to a group. She wants to be rid of that uncertainty, I suppose...and needs to feel a sense of closure about her condition. She says her social worker had told her during the session he wasn't sure what she had.

Kari and I frequently go through this. She has to be reassured that I love her, and asks me frequently to tell her this. Otherwise, she says she feels "a hole" inside and will keep at me until I tell her I do. She also asks me frequently to compliment her, and she tells me it is because this reassures her that I care. She knows how much I care, and I show my affection towards her.

Could she had compulsive obsessive behavior disorder? I posted this on a depression board too, she gets VERY depressed when she can't ascertain things. But when she is able to do so, she is happy.

She works herself into a fit sometimes in the evenings. Once she turned off her computer the wrong way and felt so upset by the error message it gave her. She was uncertain about whether this might mean that her hard drive is damaged, "what could this mean if the warranty is up?" and she kept researching the problem for hours until an answer finally satisfied her at 1 a.m.

These thoughts make sense to her, and I have to admit they do, and her explanations make sense. But the difference with her is that she can never let go until she does something, and it has to be NOW or NEVER! If there is no solution in sight to a problem of hers, well she will do something, anything!! One time she went out and bleached her beautiful brown hair because her teacher was "mean" to her that day and she couldn't get that out of her head. She works herself into a tizzy...I have to admit it drives our family up the wall, what is driving this? Depression, compulsive obsessive behavior, or is this normal??

Thanks for any input!
Carol from BC

Hi Carol

My son is only 10, but he also was a lot like your daughter. There was no way to change his mind once he was "stuck" on an idea. He has been on luvox for about 16 months, and to say the least, it gave me my son back. We went to several shrinks who didn't know what the problem was, and then I (like you) did my own investigating, which led me to ocd. This was confirmed by a neurologist, not a shrink.

My suggestion to you is check out www.ocfoundation.org, they have lots of information. They also have an area called "ask the experts" in which you can post a question, and it will be answered by a panel of ocd experts. They can and will suggest a specialist in your area, if you ask. Not all psychologist are well versed in OCD, and you need to find one that is.

Good luck to you and Kari. Don't be  of the meds, they have given my son sooooo much relief from his "worries".

Hi Carol!

I am not a psychiatrist, so I can't tell you if your daughter has OCD, but your daughter and I exhibit a lot of the same behaviour!

I am one of those people that get stuck on thoughts and ideas and I sometimes I drive myself crazy with worry over them until I feel they are resolved "perfectly". My thoughts usually focus on the fact that I have a serious physical disease and am dying (my favorite is heart disease) and I've had trips to the emergency room, extensive cardiac workups, at least 4 cardiologists tell me I am fine. But when I get it in my head that I am having a heart attack, forget it, all that stuff goes out the window and it's time for panic attacks. I also get depressed because I know what's going on but I cannot stop it. It can be very frustrating. I also do the question thing with my husband, fortunately he's as understanding of me as you are of your daughter, and he reassures me constantly.

I applaud your effort and patience to help your daughter, she needs your love and support right now, OCD can bring so much pain and anxiety! And it can be very frustrating when you have no diagnosis, it can make you feel so alone, like you are the only person suffering with these symptoms. It can take the right doctor and time to get a correct diagnosis, I was diagnosed 2 months ago, although I have been suffering with OCD for most of my life, but seriously suffering for about 4 years (I'm 29). Be persistent with the doctors, don't let them put you on the back burner, you might want to print out info from OCD web sites and have your daughter bring it with her to the doctor and explain that she suffers symptoms like this. Also, you might consider asking your daughter to read through the posts on this forum, she'll probably find a lot of stories she can relate to and maybe this will give her a sense that she is not alone. Also, we have a support group on this forum, where everyday we post under one heading reading "Support Group, (Today's Date)", we let each other know how we're doing and offer support to one another. Also, if your daughter wishes to correspond she can e-mail me at the address above. I'll tell you, some of the most wonderfully supportive people can be found on this forum! (:

I've gone on and on...I wish you and your daughter only the best of luck!

Peace,
Christine

Dear Carol from BC,

I can relate to your daughter. I too am depressed. I've been severely depressed for most of my life. I am 25. The part about your daughter getting so upset because she turned off her computer the wrong way sounds just like me. I get extremely upset and feel so stupid. I end up telling myself how dumb I am and that no one else would have made the same mistakes I make. I end up putting myself down for little things that I think are really important, but others don't seem to pay much attention to. I see reasoning for my thoughts, but others don't (It took me a while to realize this though). While I'm not a doctor, it sounds like your daughter could have symptoms of ocd. It seems as if she is more obsess than compulsive.

I don't know if this letter has provided you with the information you need, but I can tell you that you and your daughter are not alone. My mom went through the same type of things you are going through with your daughter. I know it must be hard for you as well as it is for Kari. I think it is wonderful when we have parents that stick by us like you seem to have done with her. I know I will never be able to repay my mom for all the support and love she has given me throughout these years.

Good luck and let us know how you and Kari are doing,
Jeanne