haircut. a boring article

I just got haircut at that place on the East Bank. First off, I get the gay guy. And he isn』t gay like Kyan on Queer Eye. He is one of those gay guys with the tucked-in shimmery shirt that is too wide in the shoulders and this bad blond dye job. In other words, he was nerdy gay. And no offense to any nerdy gays out there, you know I love you guys, but if I am gonna get my haircut from a gay guy I want him to be hot, trendy, fashionable gay or at least artistic gay, not nerdy gay.

Second of all, he was clearly a smoker. He REEKED of smoke. And look, sorry smokers, but if you』re going to be spending 20 minutes leaning over me I don』t really want to smell the part of the cigarette you didn』t want and got rid of by exhaling it all over your clothes. I just don』t. Sorry.

Third, the guy was non too easy when it came to the application of the clippers. He ran that thing like a NASCAR driver, cuttin』 this way, cuttin』 that, pressing it down against my head as low as it would go. My temples are throbbing. I thought gays were supposed to be a gentle people!!

And then, of course, there was the classic problem: we said nothing to each other the whole time. Again, I wonder if this is my fault, because the girl sitting next to me was having a riveting conversation with her stylist about the favored heavyweights in the UK election. Okay, not really. But at least they were talking.

But see, this can』t be my fault. It takes two to tango, right? I』m paying him, so he should start the conversation with me, right? Besides, he seemed like he was in a bad mood today or something. Like as soon as I walk in, he says in this really monotone voice, 「Welcome to [whatever the place is called], can I help you?」 Why do people bother saying that if they』re not gonna try to sound like they mean it? Well, now that I think about it, I guess if someone is going to sound bored when they greet me, they might as well say something nice instead of something like, 「Whadda ya want, kid?」

Liz says I should go to the Aveda school to get my haircut. And since she is a blond, she probably knows something about hair care. But since my hair is doomed to look like crap anyway, I figure I might as well not go out of my way to make it look only slightly less crappy.

On an unrelated note, I finally did hear the Britney song 「Do Somethin』.」 What a great hook ya got there, Brit. 「Do somethin』! DO SOMETHIN』!」 God I miss the days of Max Martin.

And I also heard the new Backstreet Boys song this morning. That』s right, Backstreet』s back…all right! Last time these guys released an album was November 2001. Sorry, boys, but I fear there』s no longer a place for your high-powered love ballads in this post-9/11 world we』re all living in.