關於請長輩來照顧月子和孩子的一些看法

作者：reknaz (拖把套)


看到那麼多人抱怨長輩，忍不住說說看法：

無論公婆還是父母，都沒有照顧月子和孫輩的義務。
照顧產婦是老公的責任和義務，如果他認為自己是孩子的父親的話。
照顧孩子全部是小兩口的責任，不是長輩的責任。
請任何一方父母來，得小兩口都同意，因為家裡兩個人都有發言權。
同意長輩來就意味著遇到具體問題要承擔責任。

常見抱怨內容及回答：

公婆不給飽飯吃 -- 給你做飯不是他們的義務。
沒有私人空間 -- 這和要了孩子還要隨時過二人世界一樣荒唐。
長輩照顧孩子堅持己見 -- 請來幫忙之前考察他們育兒觀念和能力是小兩口的責任。
老公非要公婆來，我不同意沒用 -- 家是兩個人的家，都有發言權。
長輩吵著要來，不然說不孝 -- 你們在乎的是「孝」還是讓他們說你們孝？如果是後者，只能怪自己虛榮，把長輩弄來自己受罪那是自作自受。
老公上班很辛苦，父母還怪他做得少 -- 如果不是你特別懶，那父母做的本來都是老公該做的那份。
父母總想干涉我們的生活 -- 小兩口把父母請來就是來就是想讓他們干涉生活（幫忙）的，事先小兩口有責任考慮到干涉的方式有可能自己會不喜歡的情況。

你這些看法反映了共產黨把一代中國人慣壞到何等地步的。
按照「現代漢語詞典」，「義務」是
1 公民或法人按法律規定應盡的責任；
2 道德上應盡的責任。

你的帖子中刻意把責任和義務分開，所以是把上面的1 說成「責任」，上面的2說成「義務」，你是在說
「無論公婆還是父母，都沒有照顧月子和孫輩的道德上應盡的責任」。

看看西方的長輩們是如何做的：
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au ... reuy9-1226540721571。

Retirees get to work on a labour of love

Lisa Power
The Daily Telegraph
December 20, 201212:00AM

TEN hours a week is the magical amount of time grandparents enjoy caring for their grandchildren, new research has revealed.

Any more than that risks cutting into leisure time and turning the special time into a chore. More than a quarter of children are cared for regularly by grandparents, who are the nation's most popular child minders, Australian Bureau of Statistics data shows.

Demand for grandparent babysitting services is booming because of the cheap, flexible and highly personal nature of the care that includes school pick-ups, dinner, bath, homework and overnight stays.

"Up to 2008, the level of grandparent care was fairly steady at 650,000 children but in 2011 there was a massive jump to 937,000 and no one knows why that happened," University of NSW's Bridget Jenkins said.




"It could be partly global financial crisis-related and the collapse of the ABC Learning Centres. Ten hours is the sweet spot, which is two hours a day after school or one big long day. Any more than that and it starts to be seen as a bit of an imposition."

Ms Jenkins, who is completing a PhD on grandparent care, said payment was "seen as inappropriate" but many were given small gifts.

Tiredness was the downside of caring for small children but positives included a strong relationship with grandchildren and satisfaction in helping young families, she said. Ms Jenkins found the number of kids in grandparent care far outstripped other forms of childcare, including long-day care and after-school care.

In NSW alone, grandparents provided $88 million a year in unpaid care, with about 300,000 grandmas and grandpas providing 12.7 hours of informal care each week, research by the NSW Council of Ageing found.

Groovy Grandparents Playgroup co-ordinator Caroline Crilly said caring for the grandchildren was wonderful. "It isn't (a chore)," she said. "Sure, you are tired at the end of the day but we all love it."

Patricia Santangelo, who takes granddaughter Olivia to the weekly playgroup, said she minded the four-year-old one day a week.

"I enjoy it very much," she said. "If we're home, we play games, do puzzles, read."

Plans to extend the retirement age beyond 65 mean future generations of young families may not have access to grandparent care.

"You can only do this when you are retired or semi-retired so if we push the retirement age back, it will have implications for the employment patterns of younger women," Ms Jenkins said
這是2012年12月20日發表在澳洲報紙上的文章，裡面說，在2200萬澳洲人中（2008年），有
65萬孩子是被他們的祖父母照顧的，到2011年，這個數字到了93.7萬。

請父母來幫忙月子在中國人圈子裡還是很常見的。父母幫一把的確是有用的，處理的好對老對小都有好處(三嬴)。當然也可能有些磨擦，不同意見，這都是可以磨合的。

白露為霜 發表於 2013-1-2 00:23
請父母來幫忙月子在中國人圈子裡還是很常見的。父母幫一把的確是有用的，處理的還對老對小都有好處。當然也 ...

難!我見過的一對,把雙方都叫來幫忙了,因為生了twins,結果,倆年輕人很輕鬆,也胖了.可是,兩邊老人累的...並且也出現了看不慣對方,有矛盾了...

在自己完全可以身體力行的情況下把育兒的責任推到父母那輩人的身上是一種＂不孝＂的， 剝削老人勞動力的行為。

robot_wrangler 發表於 2013-1-2 04:43
在自己完全可以身體力行的情況下把育兒的責任推到父母那輩人的身上是一種＂不孝＂的， 剝削老人勞動力的行 ...

太武斷了點吧。剛生孩子的家庭一般都有很重的經濟負擔，同時照顧孩子工作，是不可承受之重。讓長輩幫忙帶比請保姆放心。當然也要考慮長輩的身體條件，不能認為長輩帶孫子是理所當然和天經地義的。做子女的應該多體貼長輩的辛勞，周末也該讓長輩適當放鬆休息一下。