標題: FUNNY POEMS [列印本頁] 作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-10 20:37 標題: FUNNY POEMS ~~ 1 ~~
Last night I dreamed an antelope,
Who had with him a pink envelope,
Which he'd mail to a lady antelope,
Asking her with him to elope.
But he's tripped on a steep slope,
And lost his dear envelope.
So it didn't reach the lady antelope.
So the poor thing failed to elope.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-11 20:32
~~ 2 ~~
There is a bridegroom,
Born in the birth boom,
Which puts the nation in gloom.
If there'll be another such boom,
For which the world has no more room,
And humans will be in doom.
He inherits a large heirloom,
Only for him soon to toom.
He will have wedding in a ballroom.
His bride is like a beautiful bloom,
From afar she's got to loom,
Like a witch riding on a broom,
Or a yacht on the sea to spoom,
Through the hot simoom.
Oohm!作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-12 20:40
~~ 3 ~~
Yesterday I was in a bad mood
And hit myself with a piece of wood.
Luckily on my head I wore a hood,
Which did me a lot of good.
I did this when I stood,
Though I bled a little blood,
that stained the flood.
I had a little brood,
That weighed some pood.
I swore by the Rood,
A chick on head wore a snood.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-13 20:30
~~ 4 ~~
There was a girl in bootee,
Who lived on the Santee,
And worked as a tutee.
But it was known to a tee
That she was a reportee,
Though she came as a legatee.
Her lawyer sat on a settee.
He put on a coatee,
Strangely wearing puttee,
And actually with a goatee.
Though he's quick at repartee,
Even in a legal committee,
But there's still no guarantee.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-14 20:16
~~ 5 ~~
It is now in August.
I want to make a bust,
After a model robust,
By using rock crust,
Mixed with some dust,
All into the mold thrust,
Put on fire to combust,
The temperature adjust,
By letting in gust after gust.
If this is a must,
You can in me trust,
And do me the just.
My skills never rust.
Don't take me as a locust,
Which to me so disgust.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-15 20:28
~~ 6 ~~
It is not so cool,
Often spit and drool,
And use a wood spool,
As a picking tool,
Look just like a fool.
Better go to the school,
To swim in the pool,
Then sit on the stool,
Covered with wool.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-16 20:43
~~ 7 ~~
On a film reel,
I see a yellow eel
In a twig-woven creel,
That is slippery to feel.
On a crooked keel,
The ship does heel,
With a steering wheel
That is made of steel.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-17 20:55
~~ 8 ~~
There was a baboon,
Holding a balloon,
And playing a bassoon
Just like a buffoon.
A silkworm in a cocoon
Adorned with festoon,
Be put on a spoon,
Fallen into a spittoon.
I do have a croon,
Who is a dragoon,
Who can write lampoon,
His weapon is a harpoon,
Used to catch fish in lagoon.
I know a poltroon,
Living in a saloon,
Wearing a coat of shalloon,
Who can cook macaroon,
For his lunch every noon,
Or for supper under moon,
Sometimes feed a raccoon.
Some soldiers from Rangoon.
They form a platoon,
Crossing a river on pontoon,
Either through a monsoon,
Or even in a typhoon,
Not caring for swoon.
Let's tell the story soon.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-18 20:31
~~ 9 ~~
It is indeed
I have a secret creed
To fulfill a great deed,
All expectation to exceed,
And to attract all heed,
Till I do succeed,
Or my heart will bleed.
I want to have the best breed
Of the swiftest steed,
That can gallop at top speed.
What to them I feed
Is the ambrosia seed
Of the heavenly weed
And Martian reed.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-19 21:38
~~ 10 ~~
It is not a toilet to flush,
With water in it to gush;
It is really a bush,
Looking so lush,
Like a giant brush.
Can a pretty thrush
Show a shy blush,
Or leap in slush,
Without hasty rush,
Or needs to push?
Let's just hush--
Sh—sh!作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-20 21:09
~~ 11 ~~
There is a small mill,
Stands on a clear rill,
At the foot of a hill;
To run it needs a skill.
I have a great will,
I want to fulfill:
To put a dinosaur on grill,
With a beer to swill.
I have a stomach to fill.
I am in great thrill,
With my voice so shrill,
Sharp like tip of a quill.
Almost let beer spill.
I have to hold it still,
And lay it on the sill.
Then I am taken ill,
Feeling really chill,
And must take a pill.
So I can't go to drill
To have free time kill.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-21 20:42
~~ 12 ~~
I take my son to zoo.
He likes the cockatoo,
And also the kangaroo,
but takes it for bugaboo.
In fear he does boohoo,
Being bold, he did ballyhoo.
He also loves the cuckoo,
And hears the doves coo.
The polar bear in the igloo.
He's dressed like a buckaroo.
He prefers to eat burgoo.
The cows nearby moo,
In great hullabaloo.
To them he says, 「Boo!」
Birds sing in a grove of bamboo.
They seem each other to woo.
My wife comes, too,
On her arm is a tattoo,
And in hand a shampoo.
She likes to surf YAHOO,
And often talks wahoo.
She always ignores taboo,
At last meets her Waterloo.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-22 21:39
~~ 13 ~~
There was a wise cook,
Cooking all food by book,
He'd do it by hook
Or by crook,
To give it a good look.
He never forsook.
His will never shook.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-23 20:37
~~ 14 ~~
I often recall
Once in a mall,
I did get a call,
by a bookstall,
To ask me to buy a ball,
Not big, not small,
At the entrance hall,
Behind a statue tall.
But I got a fall,
By bumping on a wall,
And lost the ball.
That's all.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-24 21:20
~~ 15 ~~
It is New Year's bell,
Not funeral knell,
To go to the hell,
Sounding in a dell,
Shaped like shell,
With winds so snell.
In a pretty cell,
Seven dwarfs dwell.
They can cast spell,
By a weird yell,
Producing a smell,
Like a bubble to swell.
They make coats of fell
That they want to sell.
It's a bad story to tell.
Well, well, well!作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-25 21:36
~~ 16 ~~
Under a French arcade,
There was a file of brigade
Of the fiercest crusade,
Waving the bright blade,
In capes of brocade,
With fringes like cascade.
Helmets adorned with jade,
Looking like king of spade.
Then farewell they bade,
And marched to the glade,
Playing the serenade,
In glorious parade,
The roads to blockade,
Pedestrians forbade.
Other states they did invade,
And ancient wars they made,
No one could them dissuade.
They threw a lot of grenade,
And passengers to evade.
Streams they did wade,
And rested in the tree shade,
Cooled in wind of trade.
They drank the lemonade,
And ate bread of marmalade.
At last their halo did fade,
After a victorious decade.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-26 20:07
~~ 17 ~~
I'm not surely aware
If I readily prepare
To hunt for a red hare
That is kind of rare.
I ride on a pretty mare,
With my head bare.
At the target I stare,
And meanwhile I blare,
To make the hare scare,
Which falls into a snare.
I had a nightmare:
There was a warfare,
On a wide square,
None yet did declare,
Only sounded fanfare,
Searchlights did glare,
No life to spare,
Only death to share.
Who would really care
For people's welfare?作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-27 20:42
~~ 18 ~~
Once pregnant was my wife.
She then needed a midwife,
Who could play the fife,
but brought a knife.
So they fell in a strife.
Such things did happen in life.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-28 20:35
~~ 19 ~~
There was a wicked witch,
Who had power to bewitch,
Doing anything without a hitch.
She could turn you into a bitch,
Or fling you into a dirty ditch,
Or make you severely itch,
Or put you in dark pitch,
Or beat you by switch,
Or sew your lips stitch by stitch.
She would your heart snitch,
So as to make you twitch.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-29 20:44
~~ 20 ~~
I am now a retiree.
I was a football referee,
Though I don't have a degree.
Who's wrong I'll decree.
No one can disagree.
One day I was free,
And obtained an entree,
To a friendly soirée,
For a merry jamboree,
To enjoy an evening spree.
I ate some puree,
And drank sangaree.
I took leave at three,
Being drunk, I ran into a tree.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-30 20:09
~~ 21 ~~
There's the hero Galahad,
In a coat of mail clad,
Heading a brave squad,
Marching toward Bagdad,
To catch a low cad
And his wicked dad.
On the way what he had?
This valiant clever lad.
Why was he so glad,
Or sometimes so mad?
For he met a dryad,
And then a naiad.
This was not bad.
The story was not sad.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-5-31 23:37
~~ 22 ~~
Men come from clay,
But in naked array.
When east is still gray
Not yet the sun ray
Of the fine day,
They put on cosplay,
On the beach they play
By the Biscay bay.
It is a holiday,
Also their heyday.
They look like stray,
Roaming by railway,
No work and no pay.
Every night they'll lay
On some stacks of hay,
But they are so gay,
Though no food on tray.
They like thus ever to stay.
Their decision'll never sway.
It's just a hearsay,
I am told today.
So nothing you'd say.
Life is just this way.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-1 19:22
~~ 23 ~~
In a heavy fog,
I take a noon jog,
And walk my dog.
I trip over a log,
And fall into a bog,
And meet a fat frog
Having a dialog
With a little hog,
Who is so agog
As if drunk with grog.
I put it in my blog.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-2 21:30
~~ 24 ~~
There was a knight
With main and might.
He was once in sight
Of a lion on his right
On a mountain hight.
They got into a fight
From early daylight,
When the sun's bright,
To dusk and twilight,
Till the late night.
He held his spear tight.
The lion got in a plight,
Then it fell in fright,
And soon in flight.
He laughed in delight.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-3 20:43
~~ 25 ~~
I never really think
At the far brink
Of a skating rink,
There is a mink
With a color of ink,
And spots of pink,
With an odor of stink.
So my heart does sink,
And I have to shrink.
My eyes do blink,
And then wink.
I've to buy a drink.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-4 20:33
~~ 26 ~~
I had a bad bode
In mysterious code,
I couldn't forebode,
That my dear abode
Would soon explode
In a tragic mode.
Ere it, away I strode,
And in a car I rode
To my new abode.
That's a bad episode
I'd like to write an ode.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-5 20:57
~~ 27 ~~
In a mysterious zone,
The ground full of bone,
When the sun shone
Through broken ozone,
There was seen a crone,
Who lived sadly alone,
Wearing a hat of cone,
Laughing like bees drone,
Speaking in a weird tone,
To a stranger on the phone.
She sat on a seat of stone,
Looking like on the throne.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-6 20:24
~~ 28 ~~
There was a big fellow,
Who married a widow,
Who often sat by window,
Which was painted yellow,
She often hugged a pillow,
Looking like in deep sorrow.
They'd no pelf, in it to wallow,
Only lived in a bungalow,
On a distant meadow,
Beside a hill so low;
A stream did flow
Which was shallow,
Thro the dale so narrow.
The water ran very slow.
None could see any billow.
The fellow did borrow
A sharp swift arrow
With a strong bow,.
He shot a flying crow;
On its back was a sparrow.
He saw a cow below,
Hearing its bellow.
It rested under the shadow
Of a weeping willow.
In fields wheat did grow;
So did flowers blow.
After storm there did glow
In sky a colorful rainbow,
And also flew by a swallow,
With an eagle to follow.
The swallow hid in a hollow.
The eagle turned to attack a sow.
Then there came a heavy snow.
That's all what I know.
Nothing more I can show.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-7 20:26
~~ 29 ~~
Once I saw a boat,
That by itself did float
On the water of a moat.
In it there was a goat,
Wearing a fur coat,
Taking a meal of oat,
That stuck in its throat.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-8 20:17
~~ 30 ~~
I have a great wish
That life without anguish,
No swords to brandish,
No nations to perish,
None need to punish,
People not selfish,
And also not foolish,
Only love to cherish,
All business flourish,
Dainty food nourish,
With all kinds of fish
On every family's dish,
Good books publish,
Fine things never finish,
For benefits of the Polish,
For benefits of Spanish,
For benefits of Turkish,
for benefits of Swedish,
Also for the British,
Who speak English,
So the world will astonish.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-9 22:30
~~ 31 ~~
Though I have the gout,
I still like to go out,
And in woods walk about.
My wife is so stout,
Religiously devout.
She loves to cook trout
With bamboo sprout.
She also likes to pout,
And loud to shout,
Which puts me to rout,
Even if I am a scout.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-10 20:50
~~ 32 ~~
Once I was in Warsaw,
When the snow did thaw,
A flying crow I saw,
With sth in its claw,
And I heard its caw.
I had a picture to draw,
Of a lady in a rickshaw,
Drinking with a straw,
Of a boy on a seesaw,
Giving a merry guffaw,
Also a dog lifting its paw.
It used its strong jaw,
At a steak it did gnaw
Which was still raw.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-11 22:12
~~ 33 ~~
I see the spire gleam
In the morn's sun beam.
I see spirally rising steam,
Over a distant stream.
I meet a friend in a team,
All are eating ice cream.
I'm awakened by a scream
From my multi-dream.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-12 21:21
~~ 34 ~~
From poetry apart,
I like music and art,
Especially Mozart,
Who was so smart,
And in the most part
fine melodies to impart.
Now I go to a mart,
So shopping does start.
Between lanes I dart,
And put things in a cart,
Including a box of tart,
Before I finish and depart.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-13 21:00
~~ 35 ~~
There was a nun,
Who liked to run
Under the hot sun.
She loved to eat bun,
And often had fun
By speaking a pun,
And carrying a gun;
People did stun,
And had to shun,
Away they did run.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-14 21:22
~~ 36 ~~
I knew a pretty dame,
Who had a great fame,
Called Ellen by name,
From other state she came.
Her photo in a silver frame.
She liked to play game,
Forgetting the pan on flame;
To her it's really shame,
No one but her to blame.
She always did the same,
Giving excuse so lame.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-15 20:29
~~ 37 ~~
One day I took a stroll,
While enjoying my troll.
I came across a roll
Of a painting scroll,
On which I saw a doll,
Sitting on top of a knoll,
Against a tree it did loll,
In a colored dress so droll.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-16 22:05
~~ 38 ~~
Once I kept a fowl.
It got food from bowl.
I heard a dog howl,
Another dog growl,
And third dog yowl.
I had to scowl.
I liked hoot of owl.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-17 19:55
~~ 39 ~~
In time of yore,
I was a man of lore.
I liked to explore
In ancient Baltimore,
And the Greek shore.
Their relics galore,
All I did adore.
For that I swore.
Their costume I wore,
Which unawares I tore.
The tear I couldn't ignore.
How could I it restore?
I could do nothing more,
but suffer my heart sore.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-18 22:09
~~ 40 ~~
I saw my friend Frank,
An officer of high rank,
Standing on a plank,
Connecting to the bank;
His sword made a clank.
His mind looked blank.
He was lean and lank.
From a bottle he drank.
He's watching a tank,
Which slowly sank.
For that should I thank?作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-19 20:18
~~ 41 ~~
Agatha is a CLO,
Working in a PSO.
Alex is CPO,
Working in CBO.
Alicia is a CPO,
Working in a CAO.
Allan is CFO,
Working in HMO.
Alvin is a CTO,
Working in CRO.
And I am the CEO,
Working in an NGO.
As I watch a movie of UFO,
Whistling, I sip a glass of XO.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-20 20:12
~~ 42 ~~
Once I went to Oslo,
From my home in Ohio.
There was a studio;
they're filming Othello.
Then I went to Cairo,
And visited a casino.
I listened to radio,
And a story in audio.
I danced the tango.
I played the cello,
And also the piano,
And too, the banjo.
I enjoyed my own solo,
Which in the hall got echo.
I liked to eat Oreo,
together with mango.
I liked taking photo,
And played bingo.
I did ride on a buffalo.
Was I a real hero?作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-21 19:17
~~ 43 ~~
I live in a shack.
There is a track
Behind the back.
Here's my friend Jack,
Coming to me with snack,
Also carrying a big sack,
Of the color of black,
Inside some ducks quack,
He leaves a dog pack
Beside the hay stack.
He puts hat on the rack;
His pants are so slack,
With a sea smack.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-22 20:12
~~ 44 ~~
When I am wide awake,
I feel a slight earthquake.
I put some dough on bake
And eat some cake.
I drive a car of good make,
Having trouble with brake.
I seem to see a deadly snake,
Which makes me shake.
My life is now at stake.
Oh, for goodness sake,
I find it is actually a fake,
As falls the snowflake,
And on the frozen lake,
I cannot see any drake.
Then I put down the rake,
From the trunk I did take,
Trying to hit the snake.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-23 21:49
~~ 45 ~~
Once I lived in Monroe.
I often rode in a canoe,
And used lotion of aloe.
I loved to play the oboe.
When I saw a pretty doe
On a piece of floe,
I threw to it my shoe,
As if the doe was my foe.
Unluckily I hurt my toe,
And suffered sharp throe.
I was deeply in woe.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-24 20:53
~~ 46 ~~
On hilltop a girl does reside,
As from people she wants to hide.
And down at the hillside,
I come from afar to abide.
There's a meadow so wide.
For living I work as a guide;
In this job I do take pride.
Everyday in a bus I ride.
One day she and I 「collide」.
Then she becomes my bride.
For it no one can us chide;
Our love lasts thro time and tide.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-25 21:04
~~ 47 ~~
I have a friend Andrew,
Who is a nice Jew,
And can read Hebrew,
And also likes to sew.
I have a nephew;
He's called Matthew,
Often looks at me askew.
He has strong sinew,
Which's as hard as screw.
He passed an interview,
Now works as ship crew.
And as he is there new;
To rules he has no clew.
On docks there's a fine view
Tho the gulls are so few.
One can hear his cat mew,
And smell his sweet stew.
And sees him often chew
Sugarless gum and cashew.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-26 20:07
~~ 48 ~~
When the sun doesn't appear,
The sky looks dull and drear,
Which makes my eyesight blear.
Then the thunder comes near,
Which deafens my ear,
Making me unable to hear.
Then the clouds are clear,
So gone is my dread and fear.
I hold up my spear,
To salute my dear,
With grateful tear,
My clothes to smear.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-27 20:24
~~ 49 ~~
This wise ass,
Of course not crass,
Could play the bass,
That's made of brass.
He learned in a class.
Thro a window of glass,
He saw a pretty lass
Walking on the grass,
But he let her pass,
Without taking her to the mass.作者: 海外逸士 時間: 2016-6-28 20:32
~~ 50 ~~
Once I saw a vampire,
Looking so dire,
Riding on an old tire,
Flying over the spire.
All over I did perspire,
I could not even respire.
It could throw out fire,
but soon it went into mire.
I met a lady I did admire,
Whose love I did desire,
But how could I it acquire,
As my time would soon expire?
She was in beautiful attire,
Like coming from some empire.
My wooing put her in ire,
And to home she did retire.