FUNNY POEMS

~~ 1 ~~
Last night I dreamed an antelope,
Who had with him a pink envelope,
Which he'd mail to a lady antelope,
Asking her with him to elope.
But he's tripped on a steep slope,
And lost his dear envelope.
So it didn't reach the lady antelope.
So the poor thing failed to elope.

~~ 2 ~~
There is a bridegroom,
Born in the birth boom,
Which puts the nation in gloom.
If there'll be another such boom,
For which the world has no more room,
And humans will be in doom.
He inherits a large heirloom,
Only for him soon to toom.
He will have wedding in a ballroom.
His bride is like a beautiful bloom,
From afar she's got to loom,
Like a witch riding on a broom,
Or a yacht on the sea to spoom,
Through the hot simoom.
Oohm!

~~ 3 ~~
Yesterday I was in a bad mood
And hit myself with a piece of wood.
Luckily on my head I wore a hood,
Which did me a lot of good.
I did this when I stood,
Though I bled a little blood,
that stained the flood.
I had a little brood,
That weighed some pood.
I swore by the Rood,
A chick on head wore a snood.

~~ 4 ~~
There was a girl in bootee,
Who lived on the Santee,
And worked as a tutee.
But it was known to a tee
That she was a reportee,
Though she came as a legatee.
Her lawyer sat on a settee.
He put on a coatee,
Strangely wearing puttee,
And actually with a goatee.
Though he's quick at repartee,
Even in a legal committee,
But there's still no guarantee.

~~ 5 ~~
It is now in August.
I want to make a bust,
After a model robust,
By using rock crust,
Mixed with some dust,
All into the mold thrust,
Put on fire to combust,
The temperature adjust,
By letting in gust after gust.
If this is a must,
You can in me trust,
And do me the just.
My skills never rust.
Don't take me as a locust,
Which to me so disgust.

   ~~ 6 ~~
It is not so cool,
Often spit and drool,
And use a wood spool,
As a picking tool,
Look just like a fool.
Better go to the school,
To swim in the pool,
Then sit on the stool,
Covered with wool.

~~ 7 ~~
On a film reel,
I see a yellow eel
In a twig-woven creel,
That is slippery to feel.

On a crooked keel,
The ship does heel,
With a steering wheel
That is made of steel.

~~ 8 ~~
There was a baboon,
Holding a balloon,
And playing a bassoon
Just like a buffoon.
A silkworm in a cocoon
Adorned with festoon,
Be put on a spoon,
Fallen into a spittoon.
I do have a croon,
Who is a dragoon,
Who can write lampoon,
His weapon is a harpoon,
Used to catch fish in lagoon.
I know a poltroon,
Living in a saloon,
Wearing a coat of shalloon,
Who can cook macaroon,
For his lunch every noon,
Or  for supper under moon,
Sometimes feed a raccoon.
Some soldiers from Rangoon.
They form a platoon,
Crossing a river on pontoon,
Either through a monsoon,
Or even in a typhoon,
Not caring for swoon.
Let's tell the story soon.

~~ 9 ~~
It is indeed
I have a secret creed
To fulfill a great deed,
All expectation to exceed,
And to attract all heed,
Till I do succeed,
Or my heart will bleed.
I want to have the best breed
Of the swiftest steed,
That can gallop at top speed.
What to them I feed
Is the ambrosia seed
Of the heavenly weed
And Martian reed.

~~ 10 ~~
It is not a toilet to flush,
With water in it to gush;
It is really a bush,
Looking so lush,
Like a giant brush.

Can a pretty thrush
Show a shy blush,
Or leap in slush,
Without hasty rush,
Or needs to push?
Let's just hush--
Sh—sh!

~~ 11 ~~
There is a small mill,
Stands on a clear rill,
At the foot of a hill;
To run it needs a skill.

I have a great will,
I want to fulfill:
To put a dinosaur on grill,
With a beer to swill.
I have a stomach to fill.
I am in great thrill,
With my voice so shrill,
Sharp like tip of a quill.
Almost let beer spill.
I have to hold it still,
And lay it on the sill.
Then I am taken ill,
Feeling really chill,
And must take a pill.
So I can't go to drill
To have free time kill.

~~ 12 ~~
I take my son to zoo.
He likes the cockatoo,
And also the kangaroo,
but takes it for bugaboo.
In fear he does boohoo,
Being bold, he did ballyhoo.
He also loves the cuckoo,
And hears the doves coo.
The polar bear in the igloo.
He's dressed like a buckaroo.
He prefers to eat burgoo.
The cows nearby moo,
In great hullabaloo.
To them he says, 「Boo!」
Birds sing in a grove of bamboo.
They seem each other to woo.
My wife comes, too,
On her arm is a tattoo,
And in hand a shampoo.
She likes to surf YAHOO,
And often talks wahoo.
She always ignores taboo,
At last meets her Waterloo.

~~ 13 ~~
There was a wise cook,
Cooking all food by book,
He'd do it by hook
Or by crook,
To give it a good look.
He never forsook.
His will never shook.

~~ 14 ~~
I often recall
Once in a mall,
I did get a call,
by a bookstall,
To ask me to buy a ball,
Not big, not small,
At the entrance hall,
Behind a statue tall.
But I got a fall,
By bumping on a wall,
And lost the ball.
That's all.

~~ 15 ~~
It is New Year's bell,
Not funeral knell,
To go to the hell,
Sounding in a dell,
Shaped like shell,
With winds so snell.

In a pretty cell,
Seven dwarfs dwell.
They can cast spell,
By a weird yell,
Producing a smell,
Like a bubble to swell.
They make coats of fell
That they want to sell.
It's a bad story to tell.
Well, well, well!

~~ 16 ~~
Under a French arcade,
There was a file of brigade
Of the fiercest crusade,
Waving the bright blade,
In capes of brocade,
With fringes like cascade.
Helmets adorned with jade,
Looking like king of spade.
Then farewell they bade,
And marched to the glade,
Playing the serenade,
In glorious parade,
The roads to blockade,
Pedestrians forbade.
Other states they did invade,
And ancient wars they made,
No one could them dissuade.
They threw a lot of grenade,
And passengers to evade.
Streams they did wade,
And rested in the tree shade,
Cooled in wind of trade.
They drank the lemonade,
And ate bread of marmalade.
At last their halo did fade,
After a victorious decade.

~~ 17 ~~
I'm not surely aware
If I readily prepare
To hunt for a red hare
That is kind of rare.
I ride on a pretty mare,
With my head bare.
At the target I stare,
And meanwhile I blare,
To make the hare scare,
Which falls into a snare.

I had a nightmare:
There was a warfare,
On a wide square,
None yet did declare,
Only sounded fanfare,
Searchlights did glare,
No life to spare,
Only death to share.
Who would really care
For people's welfare?

~~ 18 ~~
Once pregnant was my wife.
She then needed a midwife,
Who could play the fife,
but brought a knife.
So they fell in a strife.
Such things did happen in life.

~~ 19 ~~
There was a wicked witch,
Who had power to bewitch,
Doing anything without a hitch.
She could turn you into a bitch,
Or fling you into a dirty ditch,
Or make you severely itch,
Or put you in dark pitch,
Or beat you by switch,
Or sew your lips stitch by stitch.
She would your heart snitch,
So as to make you twitch.

~~ 20 ~~
I am now a retiree.
I was a football referee,
Though I don't have a degree.
Who's wrong I'll decree.
No one can disagree.
One day I was free,
And obtained an entree,
To a friendly soirée,
For a merry jamboree,
To enjoy an evening spree.
I ate some puree,
And drank sangaree.
I took leave at three,
Being drunk, I ran into a tree.