清華投毒案——野三坡之絕筆回聲

唯因不被承認

才格外勇敢真誠

即使像眼淚一樣跌碎

敏感的大地

處處仍有

持久而悠遠的回聲

 ——舒婷《獻給我的同代人》

1989年的一個早春，北大生物系二年級學生吳今去了野三坡就再沒有回來。人們不知道在她離開同學短短的50小時里究竟發生了什麼事情。但是她給這個世界留下了一篇文章，也是她的絕筆。

文章的題目是是英文課要求的：To be or Not to be。交作業的時間是英文課的上課時間4月3日星期一早晨8點。這是當時事情發生的時間輪廓。

 3月31日，周五，吳今回家前把這篇寫好的文章交給同宿舍和她一個英語班的同學，告訴同學如果周一她沒去上課，就替她交這份作業。

4月1日，周六，吳今從家裡出發去車站，與同學們在車站匯合后一起去了野山坡。

4月2日，周日，早晨九點多，吳今與同學們揮手告別去趕另一隊上午回學校的同學。

4月3日，周一，早晨上英語課，同學幫吳今交了這份作業。同學們詢問起來發現吳今失蹤，於是當天下午一些同學和吳今的父母一起趕往野山坡尋找吳今，但是當天沒有找到。

4月4日，周二，中午發現吳今的遺體。

這篇吳今的絕筆作文，就其思想之獨立，情感之飽滿，邏輯之縝密，不是一個大二學生的應景之作。27年來雖然有不少人評論。或者讚歎文筆美麗，或者感慨下筆成讖，但是很大程度上當成了文學作品而忽視了文字之間遺留下的真實信息。現在就請各位讀者和尼羅河一起沿著這篇絕筆展現的心路歷程。去尋訪吳今之死的真正原因。

文章一開始就從沙翁的原句To be or not to be, that's a question 進入主題，闡明了吳今自己的觀點：生存還是死亡是人的自主抉擇。

『To survive or to die, to fight or to surrender, to win or to lose. He must make the decision himself.』

接下來，文章用優美的筆調描寫了她雲淡風輕的花樣年華。抒發對生命的讚美和對生活的熱愛。並且把個體生命與自然宇宙相關聯，表達對生命價值的崇敬。但是在第三段的結束句，我們聽到了一個與天之驕子的生活完全不和諧的聲音：

『I remember one day, when I felt so frustrated by those misfortunes in life, it seemed that I had done everything wrong and there was no remedy at all.』。

太陽是這篇文章的中心意象。太陽象徵著生命、光明和美好；太陽賦予人以夢想，也賦予人忍受苦難戰勝挫折的勇氣。但是文章中最先出現的太陽意象是落日。太陽迅速落下，世界很快就被黑暗籠罩。

等待，是貫穿全文的中心詞。在黑暗包圍中等待新的陽光照亮肩頭，生命的意義在於等待和希望，直到文章最後出現的『Do not cry, just wait and hope and fight.』。吳今在等待什麼？等待明天的太陽為她驅散黑暗。或者她在等待一種重生，在新的太陽下開始新的生活。

這篇文章作為絕筆的意義首先在於吳今告訴人們她遭遇了很大的麻煩。一切是從確定的某一天開始的。那一天吳今陷入一種無可彌補的過錯之中。從前後文可知正是因為這個這個過錯，一個戀家的吳今卻離開家一個人蹣跚街頭，悲傷無助浸透淚水，被黑暗所包圍而不知身在何處。

『I left home, wandering along the street, feeling sad and hopeless. It was then when I caught sight of the sunset. The sun was like a huge burning ball, flaring and shinning, it was so glorious and so brilliant. Soon the whole sky was flaming, the sun gathered its last energy burning thoroughly, like the solemn end of a tragedy. It sunk slowly under the horizon, soon darkness fell around me. I stood there unawaring of where I was. Tears ran down my face.』

第二層意義是傳遞了一個死亡臨近的信息。死亡可能在她經歷了光榮和邪惡之後到來，也可能不給她機會實現人生的夢想。為此她思考過死亡的意義。她相信個體生命在宇宙中不會隨著死亡化為烏有。真正的存在是一種不朽的存在；一個人可以因為精神的高尚而不朽；因為知道自己將不朽而無所畏懼。

第三層意義是相信輪迴的力量：

『 Life and death and the sunshine make the world. As they go round generation by generation, day by day, the world go round.』。

或許是明天，或許是來世。籠罩在她身上的黑暗終將過去。太陽一定會回來。

認真思考吳今這篇絕筆遺留的信息才能看清吳今之死的真相。吳今為什麼要找同學代交作業，當時並不覺得特別奇怪。周一英語課早上8點，周末一般都要回家的吳今有時會翹周一早上的英語課。但是現在看起來似乎是她刻意的安排。當時吳今計劃的是，周五回家，然後周六自己去火車站和同學一起上車出發。周日上午回學校，下午排練之後就不回家，星期一上午應該是不會翹課的。

特別之處就在這裡。儘管計劃中星期天晚上不回家，吳今還是把作文交給別人替她交。似乎她當時就有預感有可能回不來，為了保證這篇文章能保留下來。

關於吳今這篇絕筆作文的信息，可以找到新語絲上luolan的文章：「文章是吳今在大學二年級時作為英語課的寫作作業交給老師的，我一字不改地抄在這兒，裡面的任何語法或拼寫錯誤都是原先存在的。另外，我保存的確實是吳今親筆手稿的複印件，我也曾想直接掃描后貼上，但是十幾年過去了，紙張已泛黃，我怕掃描后各位朋友看不清，故寧願花點時間逐字輸入。」。另外新浪霧海晨曦的博客也有文章介紹。當時吳今的英語老師把這篇英語作文翻譯成中文，刊登在北大的校報上。英語老師是英語系的男博士研究生。

附件：吳今絕筆。拷貝自新語絲luolan

To be or Not to be

--------The meaning of life, the meaning of death

Every one who knows Shakespere must know his most well-known tragedy:

Hamlet and that famous line: To be or not to be, that's a question. As

for Hamlet, to be or not to be is quite a dilemma: he was doomed to be

a tragedy, whether to live or to die. Perhaps everyone will confront

the similar choice to Hamlet in his life sooner or later. To survive

or to die, to fight or to surrender, to win or to lose. He must make

the decision himself. Fortunately, I haven't come to that crucial

point yet. Up till now, my life is like a smooth sailing. Sometimes I

ask myself: do I find the real meaning of life and death? Though I am

going to be a biologist, I have no definite answer to that. But still

I believe that I did find something in life.

When I ramble along in the peaceful field, hearing the twittering of

birds, drifting in the fragrance of wild flowers, I will always praise

the beauty of life and feel really happy that I'm still alive. When I

learned the mysterious nature and the evolution of life, I was filled

with admiration by the greatness of nature. Life is a bestowing of

nature, we have no right to smother, it's a part of universe.

I remember one day, when I felt so frustrated by those misfortunes in

life, it seemed that I had done everything wrong and there was no

remedy at all. I left home, wandering along the street, feeling sad

and hopeless. It was then when I caught sight of the sunset. The sun

was like a huge burning ball, flaring and shinning, it was so glorious

and so brilliant. Soon the whole sky was flaming, the sun gathered its

last energy burning thoroughly, like the solemn end of a tragedy. It

sunk slowly under the horizon, soon darkness fell around me. I stood

there unawaring of where I was. Tears ran down my face. A voice cried

out in my heart: "I will wait, till the sun rises again, till the

first sunshine on my shoulder." Perhaps that's the meaning of life.

Everyone has his own sun and his own dream, and everyone has own

brilliant moment when his sun shines gloriously. We'll struggle and

suffer in order to reach that brilliant moment. Nothing can stop us,

no matter how hard, no matter how many times we fail. That dream,

deeply rooted in our heart, is worthy of devoting our whole life to.

All of us want to see the sun shines again and want to catch that

glorious moment to appreciate the real beauty of life.

Life is like a long river, it will end someday and somehow. No one can

escape from that eternal end, when that day comes, we'll say goodby to

this colored world. A man's life is a man's song. Whether it's sad or

happy, fierce or quiet, it's his own song. A song written in his own

way with his soul, with his life. A man lived, did what he should do,

found what he want, fulfilled his dream. He then died calmly. Because

he knew that there was nothing to regret. He had seen evil and good,

ugly and beautiful. Now it was all over, it was time for his play to

close and gave the stage to newcomer. His song was going to end, but

it would never diminish, it would become a tiny part of the chorus of

the universe, and that will sing forever. Another man lived, struggled,

but never reached his dream, for him, life was a perpetual nightmare,

then he saw the twilight, they glimmered far in the distance, though

he had no time and he would never got there, his heart was quiet, for

he knew he had tried his best. His song might only be a faint cry but

he knew it was just the prelude to the grand movement of that chorus.

He died happily, hearing the song were sung continue.

The world is beautiful, because of warm sunshine and also because of

its rain and storm. Only a man who has been drenched with tears can

understand the real meaning of happy. Once a famous writer said in one

of his novel: there is no real happy in life, but just one situation

compared with another. The whole meaning of life lies in two words

"hope and wait".

To be or not to be, it's all depends on a man's own attitude to life,

on whether he appreciates the morning sunshine, whether he want to

explore the beauty of nature. If the thunderstorms come, it all

depends on whether he still firmly believes that the sun will rise

again. Yes, the sun is going to shine, and it will shine even more

brilliant. Do not cry, just wait and hope and fight.

Life and death and the sunshine make the world. As they go round

generation by generation, day by day, the world go round. Let's sing

out our own song lauding life, lauding world.

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