倍可親

價值觀

作者:kzhoulife  於 2016-9-13 20:21 發表於 最熱鬧的華人社交網路--貝殼村

通用分類:流水日記|已有10評論

關鍵詞:價值觀

        最近和周圍朋友閑聊, 一個大家都很關注甚至頭疼的問題, 就是和孩子的關係出現矛盾甚至激烈衝突。

        這些孩子二十多歲, 有的正在上大學, 有的已經大學畢業, 思想已經成熟, 但與父母的溝通為什麼會有這麼大的障礙, 以我觀察分析, 責任在父母, 不在孩子。

        我一直相信孔夫子的這句話: 子不教, 父之過。子女好, 不一定是父母的功勞, 子女不好, 一定是父母的過錯, 起碼做父母的要負一定責任。子女成長過程中, 父母的價值觀念對子女會產生極大影響。我的這些朋友多數和我一樣, 在新中國毛澤東思想的浸泡中長大, 閑聊中發現許多朋友人在自由世界, 心卻依舊留在專制思想里, 價值觀和思維方式還是毛澤東思想和中國封建文化熏陶出的那一套: 革命式, 家長式, 奴才式, 典型表現是對毛澤東的懷念與崇拜。孩子在家裡受這種價值觀念和思維方式影響, 在學校在社區接受西方社會價值觀念熏陶, 與父母出現溝通困難甚至激烈衝突也就難免了。

        我們公司今年為員工子女設立一個獎學金, 所有員工正在上大學的子女都可以申請, 要求是寫一篇文章, 闡明你的價值觀和此價值觀對你成長的影響, 並附上最新這個學期的學習成績。兒子寫了一篇發給我, 我遞交給公司前讀了一遍, 覺得兒子這篇文章寫的相當具體深刻, 而且很有文采, 值得閱讀參考, 徵得兒子同意, 貼出來與大家分享。

Values ­--It』s Who We Are 

There is much grey in this world, imparted as a heavy fog in the minds of all which blur the lines between right and wrong. I was raised in an immigrant household, newly arriving in Niagara Falls upon fleeing the communist regime in China in the early 1990』s. Torn between multiple cultural identities, I never felt right believing blindly in what others』 had expected of me. Nor did I once believe that there were inherently correct choices in many circumstances. Instead, people were guided by their values, a set of prevailing ideals that they developed over their lifetimes. To many, this is a light in the grey fog, helping one to choose their own path. 

 As a studious individual, my high school was the first place that I could display my virtues and talents, earning the trust and loyalty of my peers and mentors alike. In the summer of Grade 10, I volunteered at the Ten Thousand Buddha Sarira Stupa as a tour guide. There I discovered my own ability to influence my community for the better, not just by spreading awareness but also leading and teaching others. In the summers afterwards, I held a job as a cashier at the Table Rock Centre where I was instilled with the beliefs of providing remarkable service and the truly nuanced benefits of working as one team. I attended the french immersion program in high school. I learned a great deal over my four years, not just academically but also how to craft my dreams and desires into action upon graduating. Most importantly though, was the character that I exhibited to my peers and mentors as I had always treated them with the utmost respect. Many of my teachers regarded me as exemplary in both my studies and passion for learning, while my peers regularly approached me for guidance in their own studies and personal issues. Gaining their trust and loyalty was just a function of how I always acted, and the values I showcased at school. This culminated in receiving the Award for Student Excellence from the Scotiabank Convention Centre during my graduation ceremony. 

My time as a tour guide at the Ten Thousand Buddha Sarira Stupa proved to be a great turning point. As I was inexperienced in the beginning, I fumbled through my first few tours. However there was a host of many great prior volunteers who helped build my skills and confidence as an orator. While I started very narrow minded and driven to do well myself, I found that the real value of my work was helping others, whether that was raising awareness about what buddhism had to offer, or eventually guiding my own younger peers to build their confidence. The instance I remember most clearly was coaching two grade school girls, who were very shy at the beginning, to being able to deliver a clear and enthusiastic 45 minute tour to a legion of guests by themselves. I was able to give back to my community in a small way, but I like to think that the experience will be carried with them from that time onwards. 

The first job I ever held was as a cashier at the Table Rock Centre, located directly next to the Falls. Akin to my time volunteering, I quickly recognized that my success at Table Rock did not lie solely on how fast I could process our customers, or how accurate I was at the register, but instead in the collaboration with my co­workers in facilitating a complete experience for our guests. Providing remarkable service was a given in the job description but I was constantly learning how my role could perform the function better, from knowing more about our products to improving my conversational skills. I also had a hard time at first opening up to my new co­workers who came from different backgrounds than me. Still they were always friendly and collaborative by virtue of achieving the same goals on the job. In this manner, I was taught the benefits of working as a team and not as a strict hierarchy of command or control. Truthfully, there is little that separates us and much that brings us together. Everyone at my workplace shared the same motivations and the strength of acting as team was the essence to synergize through diversity. By amassing a group of individuals who wanted to work together, they could all bring their own expertise and skills. To lean on each other in times of hardship and to learn from each other in times of growth, the weaknesses that may have appeared alone were instead handled effectively as a team. I felt sad leaving Table Rock because it was my team, one where I had a role of importance and a place that I could grow in. 

Niagara is truly my home, a place where I discovered, developed and tempered my values with experiences that will follow me from now on. Now that I have left, studying at University for a double degree program, I continually find the importance in staying true to one』s self. In times of doubt and confusion, again when the grey fog is thick and heavy, my values have always lead me correctly. I don』t pretend to know the truth, or what is really right or wrong, but I believe in my choices above all else. In the words of Aristotle 「We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.」 The values that I hold true are not a mere act, but instead a definition of my person. Thus our values align not by chance, but because we are alike in many ways.



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發表評論 評論 (10 個評論)

回復 徐福男兒 2016-9-13 21:47
劍兄教出一個出色的兒子。
回復 來美六十年 2016-9-14 01:24
父母教兒女要以身作則,,單靠言語不成
回復 曉臨 2016-9-14 06:20
謝謝分享!

以前的環境肯定對價值觀和思維有影響,但環境變了,開放的人會以變應變,使自己有改進。孔子也許認為父教子理所當然,我覺得有時子教父也不錯。
回復 kzhoulife 2016-9-14 06:27
徐福男兒: 劍兄教出一個出色的兒子。
謝謝徐福兄, 誠摯問候!
回復 kzhoulife 2016-9-14 06:29
來美六十年: 父母教兒女要以身作則,,單靠言語不成
贊成, 身教言教, 父母是孩子最重要的老師!
回復 kzhoulife 2016-9-14 06:29
曉臨: 謝謝分享!

以前的環境肯定對價值觀和思維有影響,但環境變了,開放的人會以變應變,使自己有改進。孔子也許認為父教子理所當然,我覺得有時子教父也不錯。[em:
贊成!
回復 看得開 2016-9-14 10:16
同意你的評論,我的中國朋友們也有同樣現象,都抱怨很難同自己在美國長大的孩子溝通,我問他們的手機裡面有沒有Whatsapp 和Snapchat App?他們回答都是手機只有微信。
回復 xqw63 2016-9-14 21:44
為你兒子鼓掌,也為你和太太點贊
回復 小小.. 2016-9-22 23:06
  
回復 ChineseInvest88 2016-10-9 01:09
優秀的孩子!

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