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江湖心理醫生

作者：RidgeWalker 於 2010-7-2 02:44 發表於最熱鬧的華人社交網路--貝殼村

作者分類:心理醫療(psychotherapy)|通用分類:健康生活|已有25評論

頭一次碰到心理醫療(psychotherapy)這個英文單詞，人還在在中國，那時對這個概念的理解可謂模稜兩可。以後的日子裡，一看到這個詞就會想起哲學系的一位教授，一個（上世紀）五十年代從波斯頓大學獲得心理學碩士的學者。他的海外關係那些年已經夠他一受的了，和很多人一樣，凄慘的人生遭遇在文化大革命中達到了甚囂塵上的地步。這不，終於熬到八十年代，老先生看到當時大學生熱衷於佛洛伊德和心理學而心裡激動啊。也許這一天來了，也許年輕而敏感的心終於能夠承受得了那曾讓他們祖輩，父輩，兄長們心中流血的痛楚。教授誇誇其談，口若懸河，唾沫飛揚，大聲嘆息這個國家這個文化在心理學領域完全是一個空白，清貧如洗啊。

有一天教授接見了一位美國訪問學者，一聽說竟是同一專業，那個「心理醫療」的辭彙就像雪崩一般從教授嘴裡噴薄而出，多少年了呀，那張嘴也許在夢裡就無數次拼讀過這個辭彙呢。多謝那位教授的狂呼亂號，加上生活里別的插曲，「心理醫療」這個概念似乎時時佔據我的思維，特別是當我有閑自言自語的時候。

中國人一直以來依賴於身旁的江湖心理師，那些人算不算醫生只有我們心裡有數；我們的精神狀態一直搖擺於狀態良好和瘋人院之間。所以我們為有個大家庭而驕傲，周圍的親戚朋友，大中學同學，他們不僅幫助我們在社會裡升遷，給我們種種物質和非物質的便利，他們也是我們精神健康的保障啊。感覺壓抑了，心中不順了，就找親戚朋友說事，誰願意聽就找誰說去。絕望時，事態緊急時，生死攸關時，還是向同一夥求助。感謝這些在需要時出現的人們，他們是我們生活的自豪。

只是痛徹入骨了怎麼辦？感受到深切的苦痛，難以忍受的苦痛，那些來自不可言喻的社會禁忌的痛苦，比如亂倫和同性戀，我們該怎麼辦？中國不可能沒有這樣的事情。中國有，這樣巨大的痛苦在中國一樣存在。「我看到了，我的四隻眼睛都看到了」，那位教授邊擦眼鏡邊說，擦眼鏡的手不停地顫抖。「當然，只有其中的兩隻眼睛能夠流淚。」

不奇怪的，我們在最脆弱的時候時常獲得一些江湖術士的理療，或者乾脆就是誤診。江湖術士中不乏心有沉痾之人；這樣的人喜歡進言，多為謬論哦，往往引人入歧途。不能再聽這樣的啰嗦了。心中每天都有風雷閃電，感覺了卻不能言語啊。您若有心，就知道這不是聳人聽聞。

怪哉，和其它國家比較，中國的自殺率還不算太高。也許我們習慣了，多層次的苦難在我們輕微的生命中已經司空見慣，我們的心理健康已經變得微不足道，到了幾乎可以忽略的地步了。可是，當我們中間最敏感的心兒融入一個全新的文化，自殺和他殺就瘋狂地走上了生活舞台。不會是最近我們才感覺到彼此相處不是很融洽吧？本該同病相憐，我們卻同病相虐。我們反感同類，以受害者的身分指責別人為罪魁禍首。

也許這一切僅僅是生活水平的反應。當桌子上僅有果腹的麵包時，心理醫療聽上去是可笑的臆症，煩人的奢望。中國國內剛剛允許人們放開手腳賺錢，所以距離人們出錢看專業精神病醫生的日子還有些時日呢。

那我們怎麼做？我們移民到了一個全新的國度和文化，不同的生活方式帶了了不同的歡樂和痛苦，我們究竟如何保持精神健康？

我常常想啊，假如我能活得足夠長，我就會去國內最壓抑的城市開一間診所，為那些實在是疲倦了的心兒布置些鮮花和舒適的椅子。只是我沒有心理醫療方面的專業訓練。人的本能是懼怕進入一座壓抑人的城市的哦，而壓抑似乎佔據著好大一片國土呢，不是嗎？

英文原文寫於 February, 1996 。。。。中文翻譯於，July， 2010

================ 英文原文 ===============

Amateur Psychotherapists

Psychotherapy first came to me as a new word of fuzzy concepts when I was still in China, a word that still reminds me of a Chinese university professor in the philosophy department who got his master's degree in psychology from Boston College in the 1950s. His overseas experience had earned him enough misery and misfortunes by the time I met him. It goes without saying that his misery peaked, like everyone else, during the Cultural Revolution. So, when the 1980s came, he was thrilled to witness that college kids started to fascinate in Sigmund Freud in particular and psychology in general. He took it that maybe those young and sensitive hearts couldn't bear the pain that made the hearts of their parents, grandparents and older brothers and sisters bleed. Anyway, the professor would talk until white foam came out of his mouth about the blank field that is psychology in our country and culture, damn it.

One day the professor met a visiting scholar from the U.S. whose field matched his old major exactly, "psychotherapy" came down like an avalanche of syllables out of his mouth which could only pronounce that word in his dreams for years... Thanks to the professor's shouting and other episodes in my life, "psychotherapy" has become a little compass which points my mind to a certain direction whenever I have time to mumble to my sweet self.

We Chinese have been relying on amateur psychotherapists, if they are any at all, for a good part of our life which is torn between sound mental health and psychiatric ward. We are proud of the tradition of our extended family and the network of friends, relatives, high school and college classmates we keep around for not only social advancement, access to resources and conveniences, but also for our psychological well-being. When we feel frustrated, that happens too often I may add, we talk to family members and friends, or to anyone we know and who is willing to listen. That's nice. When we are confronted with despair, emergency, life-and-death situations, we call upon the same group for help. We are thankful and proud to have them when in need.

And what about pain, horrific pain, pain of the unbearable variety, caused by unspeakable social taboos, such as incest and homosexuality? You can't tell me with a straight face that things such as these don't exist in China. Get real, my friend, of course they do and we have plenty of this kind of massive and destructive pain. "I see them. I see them with four eyes," as the professor shouted while cleaning his glasses and hands trembling, "and with tears coming out of two of them at times."

It should surprise no one to realize that there is this risk of exposing our hearts at vulnerable moments to amateur treatments or mistreatments really. Some amateurs might as well be patients themselves; they never fail to provide misleading guidance and even harmful advice which could lead to real trauma, as if more is need. There are explosions in our hearts which we feel but fail to acknowledge in the daily basis. You know what I mean, my friend.

Strange yet is that suicide rate is not that particularly high in China, as compared to other nations. Maybe we have grown so accustomed to suffering in so many other aspects of our pitiful life that our psychological state of mind becomes insignificant thus ignorable. However, when some of the most sensitive hearts get exposed to a new culture, things happen in the glorious forms of homicide and suicide. Or was it only yesterday that we discovered that we can't treat each other right; we lash out at those with whom we share the same illness. Or we try to point fingers to those who share the same background and say, "Look, those are the aggressors and I am the victim." Yeah, right.

Maybe it is something concerning only living standards. When we could not get our daily bread, psychotherapy bears the implication of laughable illusion and annoying eccentricity. Only now folks in China are allowed to go after money in a full-blitz manner, and you can bet that it will be a while for them to pay to see a professional psychotherapist.

But what about us? I mean those of us who have migrated to live in a different culture, enjoying or suffering through a different way of life, what do we do with our mental health?

I always think that, if I live long enough, I will open a clinic in the most depressing city in China with flowers and comfortable chairs for those fatigued hearts. But I have no training in psychotherapy, nor do I wish to venture into any depressing city, something that covers quite a territory in China, does it not?

February, 1996

[註：花和杏子都是自家院子今年的收成，自己照相也，呵呵]