My Chief：我的首領

我的首領

在您面前我應該保持緘默
其實我們一輩子不曾謀面
下一輩子也不能。這都無關緊要
我們走得最近的一次是我駕車
路過西雅圖，那個以另一個
偉大首領命名的城市
偉大早已隕落。那也無關緊要

從車窗望去
遠處一座大山
山峰高聳，雪衣潔白
那該是哀悼的顏色吧
四下里那麼安靜
那時我想起了你
我的從未謀面的不知其名的首領
我僅在一張郵票上見過您的頭像
想不到啊，一張臉上
竟會如此仁慈和藹

您讓我想起我的爺爺
君子之風是千年的修行啊
您成了我的首領，不知名的首領
那一刻您讓我見識了千百年的
狩獵與傷痛
飢餐雨露與豪吃痛飲
部落拚殺與和平共處
雪崩與篝火
乾旱與澇災
死亡與新生
厄運與人性
智慧與寬容
還有這綠色的星球哪
幾千年修為的雅量
大海一樣博大精深
高山一般視野寬廣
世上再也沒有哪個民族
會像您一樣
地老天荒也不會有了呀

這是多麼巨大的悲傷啊
我尊敬的首領
您怎麼就想不到呢
世上小人眾多呀
您從艱苦生活獲得的智慧
一下子變成了您的愚蠢
最終置您以死地呀

是啊，在您面前我不能大聲說話
又怎敢穿過時間的長廊大聲疾呼哇？
有些時侯這世界不給善良者
發揮的德行的空間
在小人面前，君子風度
反成了您的弱點和死節
他們人多勢眾，而您孤身一人，我的首領

他們誹謗您無知，沒受過教育
多少年來您潛心於感受與感覺
一代代演化著怪兮兮的冥想打坐
將無惡意傷害的信念銘刻於心哪
將多少仇恨充斥的狂放之心皈依為愛
那外表粗獷的愛曾經超越了時空的呀
只可惜那愛永遠也不能救您於災難
您沒有逃脫最後一場雪崩
寬容並非人的本能
而是一種世代相傳的覺醒
沉默在您臉上不斷完美，成為藝術
您第一個返璞歸真
找到了這星球上人性的本位
您默然，而今只剩空白一片

從您臉上都能看到
虔誠帶來的歡樂與痛苦
您總是讓我想起我爺爺
相似的相貌抓住了我的心
讓您成了我的首領
也成了我此生最大的悲傷

生命只有一次，所以我們不可能
一次又一次重複同樣的壯麗和不幸
首領是一生的認可
因為您我心中的傷疤比藍天寬闊
那悲傷之巨大，此生無法承載
誰能向我解釋幾千年的自我完善
艱難成熟和代代相傳的智慧
最終只落得郵票一張哦 ... 我的首領
一座大山怎麼就能活生生地
從這該死的地球表面消失了呢？
千年修成的大智慧怎麼就能
全然浪費在一張小小的郵票上呢？怎能…

看著那粗暴的郵戳
我痙攣的肌肉告訴我
您死了，槍殺，謀殺，滅絕了
死後您成了我深愛的首領
可您死得比死亡更悲慘哪
從而您使我顫抖
您使我想到原始叢林
和那兒眾多的毒蛇猛獸
有人用文明和教育的旗號
掩飾那非人的殘暴
2000年10月

（英文原文）

My Chief

In your presence, I should be silent 
The truth is we've never actually met 
In this life or even next.  No matter 
The closest encounter came 
when I drove past Seattle 
a city named after another great Chief 
Great but dead.  No matter

As I looked out of the car window 
In the far distance there stood 
a mountain, a majestic peak 
downing the color of snow white 
the color of mourning in silence 
That was the moment when I recalled you 
the unknown chief who I've never met 
Except I had a stamp bearing your portrait 
Never before that stamp had I seen 
so much kindness in one face

At once did you remind me of my grandpa 
a gentleman of millennia in the making 
Thus you become my chief, my nameless chief 
At once you bring back thousands of years 
of hunting and hurting 
of famine and festivity 
of tribal war and co-existence 
of avalanche and bonfire 
of drought and flood 
of death and birth 
of adversity and humanity 
of wisdom and tolerance 
and of this green earth 
Thousands of years have cut out 
a magnanimity that is as wide as the ocean 
and as far-gazing as the mountain 
a trait that could never be matched 
by any race for the rest of time

I could never fathom a sadness so spectacular 
How could you have no idea, my beloved chief 
how small other hearts really were 
The harshness of life brought you wisdom 
That has become part of your stupidity 
and eventually your demise

I can't even speak too loudly in your presence 
how could I scream across the corridor of time -- 
there are times a virtuous man can't afford virtue 
When dealing with low lives a gentlemen's kindness 
becomes his vulnerability and his peril 
You were badly outnumbered by low lives, my Chief

Rumor says that you were ignorant, uneducated 
You'd devoted too many years to feelings 
Generations of you trickled into a weird meditation 
and a strong conviction of harmlessness 
You had converted hateful and unruly hearts into love 
rough-edged love that would outlast time itself 
But that love could never rescue you 
from that final avalanche 
Tolerance is not an original impulse 
but a great tradition of awakening. 
Silence has been perfected into an art form 
You are the first ever to have reached humanity 
in its original sense.  In silence 
and now in blankness

Devotion can be joy and pain at the same time 
It shows on your face, you have an expression 
that forever reminds me of my grandpa 
It's this resemblance that captures me 
and makes you my Chief, my chief sadness

Life does not repeat itself so we can never 
have the same splendor and misery again and again 
Chief is a life time recognition 
Because of you, my wound is forever wider than the sky 
a sadness is so unbearably spectacular 
How could anyone justify that thousands of years 
of self-perfection, maturation and wisdom 
only ended up as a stamp ... my Chief 
How could a mountain ever disappear 
from the face of this god-damn earth 
How could wisdom of millennia be wasted 
so completely on a stamp?  How ...

Looking at the postmarks so rude 
My muscle spasm tells me 
that you are dead 
killed, murdered, extinct 
In death you become my beloved Chief 
Deader than death itself 
Thus you make me tremble 
You make me think of jungle 
and its many animals of venom 
uncivilized mannerism in the name 
of civilization and the so-called education

October, 2000

• [05/06]驚濤拍岸 （Spindrifts of Big Sur）
• [05/10]四月蓮花
• [05/24]邂逅千年 (Millennium in the Making)
• [05/27]北加州，春之晨
• [06/07]【散文旁白】珍惜春光 Precious Spring
• [06/13] My Chief：我的首領
• [06/15]【誰主沉浮】我們的星球還在燃燒
• [06/19]惠陳部落 -- Huichin Tribe
• [06/22]【大河之歌】哦，大河
• [06/29]稀有動物：海象 (elephant seals)
• [07/03]感謝龐德，並感謝費諾魯薩夫婦
• [07/06]山裡六月，積雪甚多
• [07/13]夏天的顏色

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