與在美一方嘮嗑，胡扯，周末快樂

前言：發現這個也能騙分，Me2 一下：在拙文《中國貴族和美國奴才》後面與在美一方網友有如下又臭又長的對話，貼在這裡，作為周末笑料 。

在美一方：

關於終身教授那段著實可樂。full professor 是 associate professor的上司？編得夠絕，別說full professor 不是 associate professor 的上司，他連assistant professor的上司都不要想當，除非他恰恰是系主任+。美國學校里，各級別的professor之間沒有領導被領導的關係。而且，並非是中國人奇怪 地稱副教授是終身教授，美國人才是始作俑者，中國人不過跟著美國人罷了。美國實行tenure制度的大學裡面，tenured的professor一般都 在associate professor的級別上拿到tenure。搞搞清楚再說比較好。

樂子答：

Have you ever been in a position of an assistant or an associate Professor in an American college or university ？If you do, how could you possibly forget that tenured professors (who are tenured associate and full professors--by the way, not all associate and full professors are necessarily tenured) in your department voted on your tenure and promotion applications? The department chair』s vote carries more weight, of course, but all tenured professors who would vote were your boss in that sense. If they were not happy with you, you would be doomed. 說正教授是副教授的「上司」，其實也是調侃之意--源於英文詞「associate" 的本意。此外，美國教授不管是在正式場合或非正式場合，從來不自稱「終身教授」（tenured professor)--您可能是個例外，如果您也是一位教授的話。「終身教授」從來不是，也不應該成為一個正式的Title。你說「美國人才是（這樣稱呼 的）始作俑者」，this accusation is utterly nonsense and baseless. 你見過哪個美國教授的名片上印」tenured professor?" 可能因為中文的「副教授」不如「終身教授」來得好聽吧,　許多無知或故意想蒙人的中國人及媒體，喜歡用「終身教授」來代稱一個tenured associated professor （通常是中國人）。又一個中國特色！

請問這位網友，現在清楚了沒有？

在美一方：

很抱歉，也許您的學校是由tenured professor們集體投票決定某個tenure eligible的assistant professor是否獲得tenure的命運的。我無知，至少我們學校不是由department來決定這位候選tenured prof的命運的，甚至連department 都無權create這個tenure eligible position, 這個position要由school來create，所以不是所有tenured prof都有權決定候任tenure的命運的，所以，不是所有tenured prof都是tenure track的上司。在research oriented的學校，每個PI是每個PI自己的boss，除了向immediate supervisor也就是系主任負責以外。美國的prof with tenure確實不在title上帶這個終身教授的稱呼，是因為幾乎是約定俗成都知道只要沒有associate prof前面有附加說明的比如clinical professor, research professor等等的，在associate prof以上的基本上都有tenure。而中國沒有tenure制度，為了表明associate prof的實質，中國人在稱呼上加個終身，沒有什麼可以嘲笑的，至少這是在說實話，不是吹牛。

請問您自己明白沒有？說出full prof是assist prof的上司這種話，估計是teaching university的吧？呵呵。

樂子答：

I am sorry, but I am afraid so--I mean you ARE ignorant. Go to your "research-oriented" school website and check "policies for tenure and promotion"--make sure you can read. Are you sure "tenure eligible position" is the right term in the official documents? Do me a favor, say these words to any of your American colleagues and see if anyone can understand you: "department 都無權create這個tenure eligible position, 這個position要由school來create，所以不是所有tenured prof都有權決定候任tenure的命運的.「

Hey, thanks to the term "PI" you mentioned, now I understand that you are working in a research function/unit in a university. Excuse me for being a little impolite here (not being disrespectful, though), research professors or research fellows in a college or university--more specifically, in a research unit of the school, where most Chinese work, are not considered primary faculty of the school. They are second-class citizens, so to speak, in a university. They play only very limited roles in most university-level functions. They usually do not teach, because, of many reasons, they can't--English is bad or something. They are working-class; they have to work 5 days a week, they have no regular winter and summer breaks, and most of them receive low pay. Regular professors in academic departments, on the other hand, do both research and teaching. In my article, I was referring to the latter; I was talking about tenure and promotion procedures for those 「real」 college professors. If you don't know much about these real masters in your school, you'd better do some homework quickly now to avoid further embarrassment, which, in my humble opinion, could potentially harm your career.        

Another joke: there are either "research universities" or "teaching universities"; there is no such thing called "research oriented的學校" (the word 「oriented」 is unnecessary), at least not here, in the U.S.

Your last comment: "說出full prof是assist prof的上司這種話，估計是teaching university的吧？" First, I did not say what you "quoted"; I was joking about associate professors being the 「associates」 of full professors--that was truly the original meaning of the word 「associate.」 Secondly, a university professor, self-claimed or whatever kind, made such a great (which sarcastically means 「morally low level"--given that you failed to comprehend the humor in my article, I believe I need to give this explanation) "Chinese-style" comment in otherwise an intellectual exchange of information and opinions--I really have no comment. Well, actually, I have already satisfied your not-so-intellectual curiosity in my article. Your reading comprehension was indeed pretty bad--I would give you an F for that.

I am really sorry I can't help but make some fun of you. It's weekend, time for fun. Isn't it? Please don't take it personally.

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