人生重要的一課

Love vs. Infatuation 

 愛與迷戀

Love is …

       ---- Friendship that caught fire

       ---- Grows one day at a time

       ---- Real

       ---- Trust

       ---- Calm

       ---- Secure

       ---- Unthreatende

       ---- Based on whole person

       ----「Other centered」

       ---- Deep commitment to one person

       ---- Upper

       ---- Heart + Head

       ---- Stays

愛是....

 Infatuation is ……

      ----  Instant desire

      ----  Insecurity

      ----  Nagging doubts

      ----  Unanswered questions

      ----  Lacks confidencet

      ----  Worry about 「cheating」

      ----  Based on emotion

      ----  Self-centered

      ----  Out of touch with reality

      ----  Jealous & possessive

      ----  Downer

      ----  Heart only

      ----  Gose

迷戀是....

  ---- 一時的衝動

  ---- 沒有安全感

  ---- 沒完沒了的懷疑

  ---- 有很多沒有答案的疑問

  ---- 缺乏自信

  ---- 總擔心「欺騙」

  ---- 感情用事

  ---- 自我中心

  ---- 不切實際

  ---- 嫉妒與佔有慾

  ---- 令人消沉

  ---- 只用心

  ---- 不穩定

Mature vs. Immature Relationship

成熟與不成熟的關係

  A relationship is MATURE if:

   ---- Caring about the other person is just a little more important than having   

           the other person care for you.

   ---- The relationship makes both partners feel better.

   ---- Parters are playful and affectionate.

   ---- Having time apart as well as together is important and accepted.

   ---- There is some give and take; partners do not try to control or manipulate   

           each other.

   ---- Life is viewed with a sense of humor.

   ---- Partner's appreciate each other's ideas.

   ---- Neither partners to frequently ask "Do you love me?"

   ---- There is open, honest communication.

   ---- As individuals, each person feels proud of who he or she is and each has

           respect and admiration for his or her partner.

   ---- Partners are senstive to each other's needs. 

成熟關係的標誌是：

---- 關心對方多於要求對方關心你；

---- 這份關係令雙方都很愉快；

---- 彼此愉悅，彼此關愛；

---- 樂意花時間在一起，也同樣願意有些分開獨處的時間；

---- 有給予也有索取，不試圖控制操縱對方；

---- 以幽默的心態看待生活；

---- 欣賞對方的觀點和思想；

---- 任何一方都不會總問：「你愛不愛我？」

---- 彼此間有誠實、開放的溝通；

---- 作為個人，欣賞自己也尊重對方；

---- 彼此了解對方的需要。

A relationship is IMMATURE if:

---- It is more important to have the other person care for you than for you to care

        for the other person.

---- The relationship may feel like a burden.

---- It frequently involves more taking than giving.

---- Jealousy, bickering, meanness and apologies may prevail.

---- One or both partners pay a lot of attention to things outside their relationship

        and very little to the relationship, or partners ignore all other responsbilities

        and just want to spend time with each other - they can't stand to be apart.

---- One person always calls the shots and the other person jutst goes along.

---- Violence may be a part of the relationship - hurting each other physically or

        verbal abuse like putting the other person down or shouting at each other.

---- One or both of the partners keeps expecting things to get better.

---- Many promises are made but not kept.

不成熟關係的標誌是：

---- 要對方關心自己多於自己關心對方；

---- 有時覺得這份關係是種負擔；

---- 索取常常多於給予；

---- 常常吃醋、拌嘴、惡語相向又不住道歉；

---- 一方或雙方不注重彼此的關係而注重雙方關係以外其它的事情；

     或者置其它的一切於不顧，只想在一起，不能忍受分離；

---- 一方總是比較主動而另一方則顯得被動。

---- 可能會動粗：在身體上或語言上彼此傷害；

---- 一方或雙方總在期望事情會有轉機，會好起來；

---- 常常許諾卻很少履行。

  這些條文里所包含的內容是非常深刻的，有的甚至是我們需要走過一生大半的道路才能領會到的。我不知道這些孩子們能領受多少，但能在尚未踏進生活之前得到這樣的指點，我不能不說是一種福氣，但願他們能珍惜！！

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