It took me this long to realize that I AM a jerk and I have prescribed myself a cure.
Suffocating from the bored feeling in life, I was tempted to forge stories in my blog. Being a first-timer, I went through the inevitable toddler stages, trying to get attention from people, hoping to discover a Shangri-La in my heart, or finding a purpose via writing.
Before long, I was intrigued or provoked to another form of writing: sarcasm and criticism, which eventually spat me with the understanding that I was a fool to fight people, almost as shallow as throwing my kisses all over their asses.
I did find out about one thing: life is really simple. There is really no need to fancy or argue about it. We work in order to put food on the table, then take a dump and go out to work again. To accomplish and continue this simple cycle designed by the Great God, we are allowed a variety of activities including education, mating, and raising some offspring. You can feel amazed by any of those things for as long as you want, but the pendulum of life holds only 1 pendular swing.
God did not try to be mean. We are allowed to dream. We read, we travel, and we go to movies. For most people programmed to dig deeper into reality, it is impossible to share the idea that life means to dream away from reality, into a more beautiful realm called virtual reality. I have obstinately drawn the conclusion that virtual reality (VR) is the only reality for me, after satisfaction of the basics of living, of course. That already discussed, I needed a focus for my journey. I have found and recently consolidated the focusing point: I am going to watch 1,000 Hollywood movies as the plan for this lifetime.
After watching a few movies in a row, I encountered the 『sound barrier』. It became just as boring as life itself again. Fortunately I came from within the prison of life, and already knew this was the only exit. So I stubbornly persisted, holding on to the determination that my journey of this lifetime is travelling. Travelling used to mean tours around the globe, or reading for a lifetime. Now I have narrowed it down a bit, to watching movies. I really like the visual part of it and do appreciate its form of simplicity. Each day, I lie leisurely against my pillows, hop in the disk and try to enjoy the rest of the ride. No struggling through reading, no forced memorizing and no soul-sucking writing.
To achieve something in life, not only I have to give up everything else, I need to abandon any purpose or motivation behind the project as well. For instance, I believe that I am not getting anything from this project. It has to be a wash, a total waste of everything.
a) There is no meaning in watching movies, only pains and responsibilities;
b) Reject everything else in life;
c) The only binding string of watching movies is to collect 4 x 6 photo prints that I』d make from a downloaded picture(DVD cover) for each movie I watched.
d) It is cheap to make 4 x 6 prints at Wal-Mart, the most popular size of photos. Quite like the hobby of philately, except that each print I collect indicates a movie I had watched.
There we go, I have totally gone insane, shut down my senses plus all links to the outside world.
I needed to write to my own heart like this, so I chose to use the language of English in writing.