倍可親

慶祝國際三八婦女節

作者:fanlaifuqu  於 2012-3-8 05:03 發表於 最熱鬧的華人社交網路--貝殼村

作者分類:分享|通用分類:熱點雜談|已有27評論

北京已經三八了,我們正緊跟著。
村裡一片慶祝歡笑,我也獻上一些收集的猛料,未必條條精彩,你能笑上一笑,或氣憤得砸我一磚(只能一磚)也就目的達到了!

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Angry wife to her husband

An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:

"Where d Hell Are You ...?"

Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)

Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!

Husband: I『m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop

A Special Package for Business Men.

An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free.

After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.

All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."Which Trip?"

Husband was seriously ill

Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don』t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don』t demand new clothes & gold jewels,

Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.

On the way home.. Husband: what did the doc say ?

Wife:- .No chance for u to survive

An intelligent wife

''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much

That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

New SIM to surprise her husband

Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"

The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..

Wife treats husband

A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..

At The Club: Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?

Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?

Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football with Him

Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?

Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything, He's On the Darts Team in My Local

Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim

Do You Crave Special Again?

The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..

Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy, You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."

Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday

Cool message by a wife

Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

Sweet demand by kid

A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came n asked - what happen son?

Kid said-I can』t adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own.

Lion bounced on wife

In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.

WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!

SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera..

Throwing knives on wife's picture

Husband was throwing knives on wife』s picture. All were missing the target!

Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what r u doing?"

His honest reply, "MISSING U"

I will think about it

When a married man says "I'll think about it",

What he really means that, He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet..

Habbit of talking in sleep

A Lady to Doctor:

My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what shud i give him to cure?

Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake

Part & Art of living

Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...

But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.

Head & Neck of the family

It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the Neck of the family & the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Husband: Sure, what are my choices?

Wife: Yes and no.

What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?

What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?

A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.

Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

I look at your picture and the problem disappears

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

Wife: honey what r u looking 4?

Wife: honey, what r u looking 4?

Husband: nothing

Wife: why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour?

Husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date

Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...

Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

WIFE says: No darling, it means:

With Idiot For Ever

Wife wish 2 be a newspaper

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in ur hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that u were a newspaper so I could have a new one every day.

Can I make a call to my wife?

A man in Hell asked Devil:

Can I make a call to my Wife?

After making call he asked how much to pay.

Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Husband, wife & spare tyre

HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further

Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE....

Similarity between chewing gum & begum

What's the similarity between chewing gum & begum (wife) ??

Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd...

Too late for garbage

Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:

Am I Too Late For The Garbage?

Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.

Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.

What if you don't see me for 2 days?

A man came home late at night after a party.

His wife yelled:

"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"

The man couldn』t believe his luck: 'that would be great'!

Monday passed and he didn』t see her......

Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....

On Thursday his swelling became better

And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.

Who is guilty (Husband / Wife)?

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"

Why women starts with W

You know why women starts with 'W'...

because all questions start with "W".. !

Who ?

Why ?

What ?

When ?

Which ?

Whom ?

Where ?

&

Finally Wife..!!!

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN

Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches How to choose a Wife,

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

Difference between Friend & Wife

Difference between Friend & Wife

U can Tell ur Friend "U r my Best Friend"

But Do u have courage to tell to ur Wife "U r my Best Wife?"

Dream of receiving jewellery & cloths

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes!

Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!!

Recently fired stock trader

A recently fired stock trader said ...

"This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything and I still have my wife..."

Message of the year

Message of the year:-

Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!

Why? Very simple...

A woman does not have a wife..!!!

Your husband needs rest

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you.!!

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發表評論 評論 (27 個評論)

回復 卉櫻果 2012-3-8 05:09
SF
回復 卉櫻果 2012-3-8 05:19
笑壞了,只有一個看不懂,翻老能解釋下么?
What if you don't see me for 2 days?
回復 mosville 2012-3-8 05:21
節日快樂!雖然已經多年不過這個節了。
回復 fanlaifuqu 2012-3-8 05:21
卉櫻果: 笑壞了,只有一個看不懂,翻老能解釋下么?
What if you don't see me for 2 days?
我理解成太太打得他眼腫了。
這個差點。
抱歉,多為損人的。
回復 卉櫻果 2012-3-8 05:25
fanlaifuqu: 我理解成太太打得他眼腫了。
這個差點。
抱歉,多為損人的。
再讀一遍,明白了,可憐
雖說是損人,但是英語中有那麼多關於wife的小文字,應該是來源於實際生活的吧
回復 fanlaifuqu 2012-3-8 05:28
卉櫻果: 再讀一遍,明白了,可憐
雖說是損人,但是英語中有那麼多關於wife的小文字,應該是來源於實際生活的吧
所以沒法翻譯。
回復 瑋哥 2012-3-8 05:32
WIFE好像都蠻三八的,當心磚哦
想起10多年俺家LD就要請客LAP DANCING, 到現在還沒成行
回復 酸柚子 2012-3-8 06:35
too long to read.  time to go home la
回復 liuxiaoyu 2012-3-8 06:44
哈哈,我今天也收到好幾條搞笑祝福簡訊,發出來怕貝殼村的男同胞拍磚~~~所以就一個人偷樂了
回復 卉櫻果 2012-3-8 08:03
瑋哥: WIFE好像都蠻三八的,當心磚哦
想起10多年俺家LD就要請客LAP DANCING, 到現在還沒成行
你太厲害了
回復 元悟愚翁 2012-3-8 08:56
哈哈,俺英文水平差了點。
回復 石竹苑 2012-3-8 09:02
三月七號是啥節?
回復 甜,不甜 2012-3-8 09:36
       .....
回復 雪的煙花 2012-3-8 10:32
多謝!同快樂!
回復 fanlaifuqu 2012-3-8 10:34
甜,不甜:           .....
還是有那麼幾句踩痛你了!
回復 無為村姑 2012-3-8 10:57
Hell to hell is Free.
----------------------
哈哈哈      怪不得西方不過三八節~
回復 老地雷 2012-3-8 11:39
       我的天哪,笑死我了,後面有幾個好像中文有的,是中國人偷西洋人的還是西洋人偷中國人的?不管怎樣,都好笑,謝謝。
回復 yulinw 2012-3-8 11:45
   那麼多,沒耐心,直接google,亂78糟看不懂,乖乖回來一條條看了~~
回復 dwqdaniel 2012-3-8 12:07
  
回復 宜修 2012-3-8 12:35
fanlaifuqu: 我理解成太太打得他眼腫了。
這個差點。
抱歉,多為損人的。
都夠壞的! 樓主跟作者有一拼吧?!
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