楊立勇

https://big5.backchina.com/?330999

捉姦未必在床上

作者：楊立勇於 2012-11-6 07:54 發表於最熱鬧的華人社交網路--貝殼村

通用分類:音樂欣賞

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt naked, banging on the bathroom floor
捉姦不一定在床。自己和鄰家出牆紅杏在洗手間地板上肉搏被抓個正著，還敢抵賴你沒有？
How could I forget that I had
Given her an extra key
All this time she was standing there
She never took her eyes off me
男女私情總是千慮必有一失，可自家房門鑰匙給過誰都忘了，就活該被逮個現行！
But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)
廚房案台上，沙發上，淋浴間里，隨處翻雲覆雨到了入港處，被偷窺偷拍都不知道。鐵證如山還矢口否認說你沒有？

She saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn't me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)
Heard the scream geting louder (It wasn't me)
She stayed until it was over
脖子上的吻痕，卿卿我我的絮絮情話，顛鸞倒鳳的叫床聲，……被人家從頭到尾耳聞目睹，你還好意思說你沒有？
（這是Shaggy一首老歌《It wasn』t Me》裡面頗為露骨的歌詞，描述一個被老婆捉姦的偷情漢子百般抵賴的潑皮嘴臉。Shaggy那口獨特的牙買加口音來詮釋這種無賴歌曲，尤其傳神！
偷情的一大特點就是迫不及待，隨時隨地都可以肉帛相見：洗手間，廚房案台，沙發，汽車後座，甚至辦公室門后。這種飢不擇食的選址方法其實很誤導。聽起來頗為浪漫，實際操作未必奏效。廚房案台上的油鹽醬醋瓶瓶罐罐刀叉碗碟一大堆，容易造成不必要的傷害。洗手間地面洗髮水沐浴露的殘餘加上水漬又滑又涼，一不小心摔斷骨盆。汽車後座空間窄小，難以伸縮自如，再加上輪胎彈力造成「車震」景觀，安全係數太低。其實，做愛的最佳首選地點還是經典的大床！
所以，別信那些所謂最佳做愛地點的鬼話！
還有，想和鄰家那娘們兒偷情，千萬記得先把門鎖換掉！）