罵人也是一件藝術活

（楊老師讀書筆記： Nancy Mcphee》《The Book of Insults Ancient & Modern》 ）

罵人也是件藝術活

這本《古今罵人集》 ，居然是一名女士編寫的！真是行行出狀元啊！

富有諷刺意味的是，社會越進步，罵人的藝術越退化，罵人的格調也越低俗。現在，用一個F詞足矣。它已經可以包羅萬象，放之四海而皆準。比如下面這段話：

If you give a f**k at all about f**king amazing English language, you would stop f**king around and study the word f**k.

When your friends start f**king with you just tell them to shut the f**k up and to go f**k themselves, because you need to f**king study.

 Don』t be a f**k up. Instead of getting f**ked up at bars like a dumbf**k trying to f**k another alcoholic f**k, be a cheapf**k and stay at home and learn to use the word f**k. So when someone asks you, 「What the f**k does that mean?」 You don』t have to answer, 「I don』t f**king know.」

上面短短這段話，用了17個F詞，而且囊括各種詞性語法，聽起來的確夠鏗鏘有力，但乏味粗鄙至極，毫無藝術含量。

反觀古代，上至文豪下至草民，罵起人來格調高雅，表述豐富多彩，咒罵起人來那叫一個蕩氣迴腸，令人嘆為觀止：

莎士比亞：I would thou didth itch from head to foot and I had the scratching of thee. 

（我讓你從頭到腳奇癢難忍，由我來撓你痒痒。） 

馬克吐溫：Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? 

你幹嘛像一個沒有地址的信封一樣坐在那裡？

悉尼史密斯：I like him and his wife. He is so ladylike, and she is such a perfect gentleman. 

（我喜歡他和他太太。他很有閨秀風範，她則是一名完美無缺的紳士。）

看看各地民俗里的咒語： 

印度南部托達部落儀式上的咒語：

Die, may he: Tiger, catch him; Snake, bite him; Steep hill, fall down on him; River, flow over him; Wild boar, bite him.

讓他死去；老虎，抓他；毒蛇，咬他；險峰，傾塌下來壓住他；河流，淹過他；野豬，咬他。

(Ceremonial curse of the Todas of India)

斐濟島上的咒語：

May you dig up your father by moonlight and make soup of his bones.

讓你乘著月色挖出你的老爹，用他的骨頭熬湯喝。

(Fiji Islands)

阿拉伯咒語：

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

讓一千頭駱駝身上的跳蚤都鑽到你的腋窩下。

(Arab curse)

May your left ear wither and fall into your right pocket.

讓你的左耳萎縮脫落到你的右口袋裡。

(Arab curse)

愛爾蘭咒語：

May you melt off the earth like snow off the ditch.

讓你從地球上消融，就像溝渠里的雪那樣消融。

(Irish curse)

May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope.

讓瑪麗瑪隆的詛咒和她九個瞎眼的私生子追你遠至詛咒之山上，連上帝拿著望遠鏡都找不著你。

(Irish curse)

看了南茜麥克菲女士的罵人藝術大全，我也開始留意一下如何把人罵得心花怒放，聽完還幫你數錢的招數：

Everybody has the right to be ugly. Undoubtedly , you seem to have abused that privilege ! 

誰都有長得丑的權利。而您無疑是濫用了這項特權了！

Not only must have you fallen out of the ugly tree , you must have hit every branch on the way down. 

你不僅是從丑之樹掉下來的，一路下來還撞到每一枝樹丫了吧！

You have a very unusual face. If I'd one like that, I'd consider taking my parents to court. 

你這個臉蛋不尋常。我要是有這麼一張臉，我會考慮把我父母告上法庭的。

Aren't you supposed to have a licence to be that ugly ? 

您不是需要領一張許可證才讓長得這麼丑的么？

If you look at my face , you'll see i don't care. And if you look at your own face, you'll see that God didn't care much either. 

您瞧我的臉，會發現我不在乎。您瞧您自己的臉，會發現上帝當時也不大在乎。

而下面這一個最刻薄：

After a night of drink, drug and wild sex Dave woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he'd made it home safely last night. 

經過一宿的酒精毒品亂性以後，戴維第二天早上醒來，發現躺在一名醜女人身邊，他才恍然想起來：昨天晚上竟然安然回到自己家中。