「他給名人的讀品比好萊塢毒販給的毒品還多」（書評）

我們被台上那些大牌笑星的妙語連珠逗得捧腹大笑的時候，可能沒想到，其實那些妙語並非那些大牌的原創，而是出自幕後一批默默無聞的「影子寫手」（Ghost writers）之手。

Bruce Vilanch就是這樣的影子寫手。

他服務過的明星包括：Bette Midler, Whoopi Goldberg, Lily Tomlin, Billy Crystal, Rosie O』Donnell, Paul Reiser, Kelsey Grammer, 等等等等。

他獲過艾美獎。

他還是個同性戀。

讀過幾位同性戀者的文字，不得不承認：同性戀心細如棉的敏感不僅僅限於七情六慾，還反映在觀察力和駕馭文字的功力方面。

像另一名同性戀藝術家Simon Doonan一樣，Bruce Vilanch的文字洗鍊，用詞精準，意象鮮活，觀點銳利，處處彰顯同性戀者那種剛從長期被歧視中解放出來后的揚眉吐氣和對傳統異性戀世界陳規陋習的不屑，還有一種深入骨髓的幽默感：

對同性戀自豪大遊行的描述：「Gay pride』s bustin』 out all over. By the time you read this, there will have been lavish parades replete with drag queens, porn stars, local politicians, Motown-has-beens, hordes of lesbian gynecologists marching in locksteps, buffed numbers snaking out of their Speedos as they dance with abandon high atop papier-marche representations of the Emerald City.」

對「影子寫手」內幕的描寫：「The fact is that everything you hear on Monday』s Oscar-cast has been written, rewritten, re-rewritten, fretted over, spelled out phonetically, garbled in a fax, left in a tuxedo jacket, cleared by an expensive legal team, delivered by bonded couriers with scripts handcuffed to their arms, smeared with aloe vera, chewed by the Abyssinian kitten, dropped in the pool, laughed at by valet parkers, obliterated by canasta scores, shredded during a shrill custody battle outside Gymboree, and inadvertently tucked under the bottom of the Norwegian blue』s cage.」

對Bette Midler如何受歡迎的描述：「How to be very, very popular: Walk into a gay bar in Winnipeg, Canada, with a fistful of free Bette Midler tickets. You will be experiencing the divine with lightning speed.」

描述他自己去看Mel Gibson的《勇敢之心》：  「Off I trundled to the mall in my trench coat, babushka, and sunglasses, looking like Elizabeth Taylor checking into the Betty Ford Centre---if Elizabeth Taylor were blonde with a beard, in which case she would be Shelley Winters. I shucked my  picket-deflecting disguise, dropped one hand into my popcorn, and hunkered down for two hours and fifty-seven minutes of love, honors, and dismemberment called Braveheart.」

描述他參與同性戀社會活動：「I have just come home from my 435th gay/lesbian/AIDS/political/humanitarian/transgendered/joyfully/empowered/fundraising/consciousness-raising/awareness-raising/barn-raising/toe-tapping/chicken-chomping benefit this year.」

這種文風絕對不是一般異性戀寫手可以望其項背的(not literally speaking)。

難怪Nathan Lane這麼誇他：「Bruce Vilanch has given more lines to celebrities than a Hollywood coke dealer.」（他給名人的讀品比好萊塢毒販子給的毒品還多。）

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