1. Before prom, your parents had
stern words for your date:
2. On vacations,
your parents took photos like this:
You laughed, rolled
your eyes, but years later you realize you should've taken more photos of them.
3. They did this at
the fruit aisle:
4. And ordered hot
water at restaurants.
5. They coached you
on starving before a buffet and gorging only on rib eye and lobsters.
Seafood-phobes were deadweight in buffet Olympics.
6. When the bill
came, older relatives fought, i.e., yelled and screamed in the middle of the
restaurant, for the right to pay.
7. Some distant
cousin or family friend's son/daughter is always being trotted out as a paragon
of perfection that you're falling short of.
8. When you got
sick, your parents fed you bitter herbal brews, or sent you to weird bruising
traditional treatments:
It didn't actually
hurt, but you were always afraid someone would report you to Child Services
when you changed for gym.
9. Your mom's
always convinced it's too cold without a jacket outside.
And you would never,
ever, leave the fan on when you're sleeping.
10. Your relatives
stuffed you with awesome food. And they didn't hesitate to comment when your
waistline ballooned.
Expert food trolls,
those Asian aunts.
11. You ate savory
breakfasts littered with jarred pickles. Rice was always involved.
12. When they
visited you, they always crashed on some relative's couch, or kicked you out of
your own bed.
They were convinced
hotels were a rip-off.
13. The remote
control is wrapped in plastic wrap.
14. For a household
that was low on luxury, there were a lot of foot massagers, back massagers,
massage hammers, and massage accessories.
15. Your mom put
fluffy dried pork into your sandwiches, and your friends said it looked like
hair.
Scarred for life.
16. Your fridge was
packed with jars whose labels never matched the food within.
You also saved every
jar to store pickled stuff.
17. You only had
bowls. No plates.
18. The dishwasher
was used only as a drying rack.
19. In the drawers
were free napkins, cups, utensils, and mini shampoo bottles your parents
hoarded from hotels.
Also shower caps,
though no one in your family has ever used one before.
20. Saturdays, you
studied your parents' native tongues. Sundays, you practiced an instrument.
Your dad was rad if he let you pick the guitar.
21. Your friends
were always wondering why your parents were arguing. That's just how they
speak.
22. Everyone was
your aunt or uncle, but you had no idea if they were actually related to you.
Also your parents
called each other Mom and Dad instead of their first names. In fact, you didn't
even know adults had first names.
23. You know what
durians smell like.
24. People always
assume that you're related to another Lee/Chung/Nguyen/Hong/Kim that they know.
25. Nothing will
stop your aunts from trying to set you up with royal bores with Ivy League
degrees.
"Mom, we have
nothing in common." "But she's a doctor from Harvard!"
26. Every year, you
got money in red envelopes on New Year's.
27. Finally: Your
parents gave you everything they had and spent nothing on themselves. They know
firsthand the dangers of the world, and their work isn't done until they see
you settled and safe.
Their clothes are 20
years old, but they sent you to college. They may be too stoic to say, "I
love you," but you know they do, and you wouldn't change anything! Thanks,
Mom and Dad!