Gift from the Sea-3

    Lindbergh 說，人們憎恨改變，但 transformation 是生活的一部分。對於人們希望成為唯一被愛的那個，她認為 「it is all right to wish to be loved alone…it is when we desire continuity of being loved alone that we go wrong…There is no one-and-only, there are just one-and-only moments.」  這個說法似乎很容易成為遊戲人間的理論依據，像那個有名的「不在乎天長地久，只在乎曾經擁有」的廣告名言。不過作者接下來的解釋，說明她認為愛情只是生活中的一部分，不能為了愛而忽視生活的其他方面：「The pure relationship is limited, in space and in time.  In its essence it implies exclusion.  It excludes the rest of life, other relationships, other sides of personality, other responsibilities, other possibilities in the future.  It excludes growth.」關於這個魯迅筆下的涓生也反省過，只是為了盲目的愛，而把人生的其他要義全盤疏忽，是不對的。人必須活著，愛才有所附麗——看，中外的道理都是一樣的。

 Lindbergh 認為，不能因為美好太短暫就把它稱為幻影，「duration is not a test of true or false.」她引用Saint-Exupery的名言，Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. 

 她把人際關係比喻為跳舞，認為好的關係有著和舞蹈相同的規律和規則：The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern…To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding…Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it…這講的是收放自如的距離，以及志同才能道和。她從跳舞中還領悟到了「活在當下」的道理：One cannot dance well unless one is completely in time with the music, not leaning back to the last step or pressing forward to the next one, but poised directly on the present step as it comes.

 Lindbergh關於愛情的看法和我正在看的Dr. Dobson 的書中看法高度一致：when you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment.  It is an impossibility…One must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits…One must accept the security of the winged life, of ebb and flow, of intermittency.

結尾處，Lindbergh總結她向大海學到的：Patience---Faith---Openness, is what the sea has to teach.  Simplicity---Solitude---Intermittency.  總體感覺和東方哲學非常相近，容易接受。

 （完）