小木耳和貝殼村的「不聰明女孩」

一個不聰明的女孩     

A 「not-so-smart」 girl 

小的時候，我就覺得自己是一個不聰明的女孩。我們家四朵金花， 我是老二。最能幹的是大姐，最勤奮的是四妹，最聰明的是三妹，我充其量算是個最文靜的。媽媽最喜歡四妹，她很乖巧又很勤奮，學習最好，自然很受媽媽的賞 識。三妹最聰明，說話伶牙俐齒，再加上幽默風趣，儘管學習一塌糊塗，卻常能逗的爸媽捧腹大笑。大姐常幫媽媽幹活，所以媽媽最疼的就是她，連對象都是媽媽親 自給她挑選的。我很「文靜」的意思就是話很少，在家基本上沒有什麼發言權，加上長期住校，所以在家不得不以「文靜」的「面貌」展示給爸媽。我的「文靜」還 有一層意思就是「不聰明」，因為從表面上看，我不愛說話，給人的感覺就是反應遲鈍，反應遲鈍就是「不聰明」的表現。儘管我學習比三妹不知要好多少倍，可爸 媽還是覺得她比我要聰明。

Ever since I was little, I always felt that I was not so smart. There were four girls in our family, and I was the second eldest. The most capable was my oldest sister, while the hardest working was my youngest sister and the smartest was my other younger sister. I could pass off as the quietest out of the four. My mom loved my youngest sister because she was clever, obedient, and hardworking. Naturally, my mother appreciated her the most. My other younger sister was the smartest, had a slick tongue, and was very humorous, so despite the fact that her studies were a mess, she could always make our parents laugh. My oldest sister is the one that helps mom with chores around the house, thus my mom cares about her the most. She even picked her husband for her. When I say I』m 「quiet」, I mean that I spoke very little and had almost no speaking rights in the family. Plus, I was often away at boarding school, so I had to put my 「quiet」 demeanor on display to my parents. Another layer to my 「quietness」 was the fact that I was 「not very bright」. This was because on the surface, I seemed very quiet and did not like to talk, giving the impression that I was slow, and being slow was a display of someone who was 「not very smart」. Thus, no matter how much better I was at my studies than my second-youngest sister, mom and dad always thought she was smarter than me.

在學校里，我從來沒當過學習文員、數學課代表、物理課代表，那些 屬於聰明孩子才能當的幹部。我總是當文藝委員，宣傳委員什麼的。班裡或學校里出版報了，搞文藝活動什麼的都有我一份。但我一直認為那些不是聰明孩子乾的 事。在我眼裡，聰明孩子不需要蹦蹦跳跳，只要數理化好就特牛。除了數理化突出，男孩子還要體育棒才更酷。上高二的時候，老師把我和一個男同學分在同桌。我 至今還記得他的名字-----符祥干。我心裡特高興。知道為什麼嗎？ 他是我們班的班長兼學習委員再兼數學課代表。不用說你也知道，他是很優秀的學生。不僅學習好，他的體育也特別棒，長跑、短跑全校第一，籃球、排球、乒乓球 通通打得好。他雖然個子不高，但彈跳非常高，投球和扣球的姿勢也特別標準。在打比賽時他總是得分最多的選手。他的字也寫的非常漂亮，在我們班的男生中，恐 怕只有他會書法，基本上屬於十項全能型的人。因為他的字也寫得很好，所以老師把我跟他排在同座，目的是要我們倆個一起定期為班級和學校出黑板報。

At school, I was never any sort of teacher』s assistant, math class monitor, physics class monitor, or any of those jobs that smart kids signed up to be. I was always on the art and writing committees or the communications committee. Whenever the class or the school published a newsletter for some sort of art or writing event, I would always have an article. However, I always felt that it was not something that smart kids did. In my eyes, smart kids did not need to jump around. They just needed to be good at math and science and they were set. For male students, being good at sports made them even cooler. During the second year of high school, my teacher put me at the same table as a boy named Fu, Xiang Gan. I was very happy, because he was the class president as well as class math monitor. Thus, you can tell he was a very strong student. However, he also excelled in sports, being the best in the school at short and long distance running. He also played basketball, volleyball, and ping pong. Although he wasn』t very tall, he had extremely high vertical leap and had beautiful form on his shots and smashes. Whenever there was a game, he would score the highest. His handwriting was also very beautiful. Out of all the boys in the class, he was perhaps the only one who knew calligraphy. He was basically what you would call a renaissance man. The teacher put us together because we both had great handwriting and she wanted us to put together a class bulletin every once in a while on the chalkboard.

聽說當時我們班不少女生都暗戀過他。這事兒是我上大學以後才聽說的。當時我卻比較木訥，要知道，我是一個不 聰明的女孩。有時也想向他請教怎麼學好數理化，可又不好意思跟他說話。因為那時的男生和女生是不說話的。跟他同桌以後，問問題確實方便了許多。開始他利用 下課的時間給我講解老師剛上完的內容，後來他乾脆用遞紙條的方式在上課時給我講解，再後來還利用出黑板報剩下的時間講。也許是同齡人的緣故，我覺得他比老 師都講得好、講得透徹。比如一道題他可以用三四種方法來解。每一道題的幾種解題的思路都十分清楚。那段時間，我的數學成績突飛猛進。不僅數學，其它科目也 學得很有起色。尤其是我的作文，經常受到老師的表揚。高二期末考試結束了，我心裡特別感激他，於是送給了他一個很漂亮的日記本，裡面還寫了一句話：「謝謝 你，班長兼學習委員再兼數學課代表。」 他接過日記本，感激的對我說：「這是第一次別人送給我禮物而且還是這麼漂亮的禮物」。當看到裡面我寫的那句話，他大笑不止。過了一會兒，他疑惑的問：「難 道…我就 只是班長，學習文員和數學課代表呀？」我說：「當然了。」於是兩人四目相對，都會心的笑了。過了一會兒，他也從褲兜里掏出了一本「高中數學公式全集」遞給 我，並誠懇的說：「拿著吧，高三會有用的。」

I heard a lot of girls in our class all had a secret crush on him. This was something I only heard when I was in college. At that time I was relatively naïve and shy because as you know, I am not an intelligent girl. Sometimes I wanted to ask him how to learn physics and chemistry, but was embarrassed to talk to him. Back then, the boys and girls did not talk during school. Sitting at the same table with him made asking questions much easier. At first he took time after class to explain what my teacher had taught in class, then he simply passed me notes as a way to explain to me the content in class. Later on, he also used the blackboard as a tool for tutoring me. Perhaps it was because we were peers, but I thought he taught me better than the teacher and explained the solutions very thoroughly. For a given question, he could find three or four solutions, all showing very clear thought processes. During that time, my math scores improved greatly. My improvement was not only in mathematics, but also reflected in my grades in other classes. This is especially true of my writing, often praised by teachers. When the Sophomore final exams were over, I was very grateful to him and bought him a very nice diary, which also wrote the words: "Thank you, class president, student council member, and math class monitors." He took over diary this, grateful to me said: "This is the first time someone gave me a gift, and it is also such a nice gift." When he inside I wrote the sentence, he was laughing. After a while, he asked me: "Am I just class president, student council member and math monitor?" I said: "Of course." As the two of us stood face to face, we both gave a knowing smile. Later, he took out from his pants pocket the 「Comprehensive Book of High School Math Functions" and gave it to me. He said, "take it, it will be useful in junior year."

我們同桌了一年，直到高三他選了理科我選了文科，我們分班上課了才沒在一座。不過他還是經常問我有沒有問題。 有問題的時候，我也會經常找他。因為我們還經常在一起出黑板報，而且上數學課時我們還在一個班，由同一個老師給我們講課。高三下半期開學的時候，他沒來上 學，聽老師說他轉到貴州讀書去了。

After we sat at the same table for a year, he chose to major in math and science during Junior year while I chose the humanities. We were not in many of the same classes and thus no longer sat together. However, he still frequently checked in on me to see how I was doing and I would ask him for help whenever I needed any. Because we still published the blackboard bulletin together and had math class together, I still got to see him. After the spring term of Junior year, he left our school. The teacher said he transferred to a school in Gui Zhou Province.

我 突然想起來了，符祥乾的家並不在湖南而是在貴州的一個小山村。這件事還是一次我們出版報的時候他告訴我的。記得那是高二的期末考試之前的最後一次出黑板 報，下午我們放學之後，我把事先排好的版面和選好的文章交給他時，突然發現他的眼圈紅紅的，問他發生了什麼不愉快的事。開始他一直不肯說，在我再三追問 下，他告訴我，他的家在貴州的一個小山村，媽媽長期卧病在床，爸爸與媽媽在他4歲的時候就離婚了，從那以後他就跟姐姐一家在長沙生活。他的姐姐大學畢業后，在一家設計院工作，當時她的工 資並不高，還要養活弟弟，真是很不容易。難怪符祥干學習這麼勤奮，這麼努力，又這麼善解人意。那天他告訴我，他媽媽中風了。當時我不知道「中風」是什麼意 思，就問他這是什麼病。他模稜兩可的告訴我，「就是生活不能自理」。他還說，有時候覺得很累很累，早上不到五點就得起床，除了要預習當天的功課，還得給姐 姐一家做早飯，有時還要送姐姐的孩子去幼兒園。晚上五點半放學，回家后得先給姐姐一家做晚飯。吃完飯洗完碗筷，他才能坐下來學習。每天都要十二點以後才能 睡覺。現在媽媽病了，他又不能回去看她，心裡特別難過，說著說著眼淚不停的滾落下來。見此情景，我把兜里的手絹遞給他，並安慰他：「別難過，等你以後上了 大學，掙了錢，就有能力照顧你媽媽，也能報答你姐姐的養育之恩。」我這麼一安慰，他越發哭得厲害了，都哭出聲了。他一邊哭一邊點頭，說「謝謝！謝謝！謝謝……」那天真的把我嚇壞了，都不知 道怎麼安慰他。也忘記了他什麼時候才停止哭泣的。

Then I suddenly remembered that Fu』s family was not from Hunan but rather a small village in Gui Zhou. This was something he first told me when we were working on a bulletin. I remember that it was the last one before the Sophomore final exams. When we got out of class that afternoon, I gave him the articles and layout. Then I found that his eyes were red. I asked him what had happened. At first he was reluctant to answer, but after I pressed him, I found out that his family was from Gui Zhou. His mom was constantly sick and his parents divorced when he was four. Then he moved to Changsha with his sister, who worked at a design firm after graduating college. Her salary was not high at the time and it was quite difficult raising a little brother. Now I knew why Fu worked so hard and was so understanding. He told me that day that his mom had suffered a stroke. I did not know what it was at the time, so when I asked him, he cryptically said that it was when one could no longer manage their own day-to-day lives. He also said that sometimes he felt very tired. He had to wake up before five every morning. Not only did he have to prep for classes, but also cook breakfast for his sister. When school was dismissed at 5:30 PM, he had to go home and cook dinner for his sister. Only after cooking and cleaning the dishes could he began to start studying. He slept after midnight almost every night. Now that his mom was sick and he could not go back to see her, he felt very sad. As he spoke, tears began rushing down on his face. Seeing this, I gave him my handkerchief and tried to comfort him, saying 「Don』t be sad, after you finish college, you can make money to take care of your mom repay your sister for raising you. After that, he cried even louder. But he began to nod his head and thank me profusely. That day I was very scared and did not know how to comfort him. I forgot when he stopped crying.

那次出完黑板報之後，我心情一直很抑鬱。好久都沒跟他說話，主要 是不敢問他家裡的事，也不知道怎樣安慰他。我知道，我不是一個聰明的女孩，不知道怎樣對一個生活在苦難中的男孩說一些暖心的話，只有默默的在心裡為他祈 禱，希望上帝能給他帶來好運氣，別再讓他經歷苦難，別再讓他哭泣。儘管當時還不懂「上帝」指的是什麼。知道他的身世以後，我變了很多，覺得自己很幸運，爸 媽都在大學里教書，自己在城市裡長大，生活相對要優越許多。所以，每當自己感到不如意的時候總是想起他，想起他的多才多藝，想起他的心地善良，還想起他那 悲慟的哭泣…..

After that bulletin, I became very emotionally perturbed for a while. I could not speak to him for a while because I was afraid of asking about his family. I also did not know how to comfort him. I knew that I was not a very smart girl and did not know how to say some heartwarming words to a boy living a tough life. I could only pray for him silently and hope that god would bring him some good luck and save him from further hardship. At the time, I did not even know what exactly God was either. At the same time, after hearing Fu』s story, I changed a lot. I felt that I was very lucky. Both my parents taught in college, I grew up in the city, and life had been much better to me comparatively than to him. Thus, whenever I feel unhappy, I always think of him: his many talents, his kindness, and his sorrowful tears.

在上 大一的時候，我收到了他的一封來信。信的內容已經記不太清了，大概意思是他已經考取了清華大學的物理系並且已有出國的打算。他還希望我能常給他寫信。可惜 當時我們相隔太遠，學習壓力又很大，就沒有多給他去信。後來我們也就失去了聯繫。

When I was in freshman year in college, I received a letter from him. I don』t remember much of the contents, but the gist of it was that he was attending Tsinghua University for Physics and had plans to leave the country to go abroad. He also hoped that I would write frequently to him. Regrettably, we were too far apart at the time and the pressures of school were very high. I did not write him a lot, and we eventually lost contact.

不知怎麼的憶起了往事，懷念起過去的純情。也時常感到，應該以 一顆感恩的心來回報曾經幫助過自己的人。多年過去了，我這個不聰明的女孩還時常在想：他後來出國了嗎？生活的怎麼樣？

I don』t know how I recalled these events of my youth or how I became nostalgic for the innocence of the past. I sometimes feel that one should repay people who once helped them with a thankful heart. Many years have passed and I, this not-so-smart girl, wonder: Was he able to go abroad? How is his life?

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