与数学家约会 后果自负

白露为霜注：汤雅·科凡诺娃(Tanya Khovanova)是一位来自俄国的女数学家，现在在MIT工作。如果你家里有孩子是RSI(Research Science Institute)级别的书虫，他多半知道Khovanova，因为她在RSI协调和指导学生的研究工作。科凡诺娃还是很罕见的女子奥数冠军。1975、76年，她代表苏联队出战，获得国际奥数银牌和金牌各一枚(当年苏联是奥数的霸主，科凡诺娃的成绩是全队最高的)。当不做数学研究的时候，科凡诺娃还写一个数学的博客。我常去她那里浏览一下，不但是因为博客提供的独特视角，也是喜欢她的文风。

假如你有机会，愿意同数学家约会吗？情人节到了，将科凡诺娃的一篇博文翻译成中文。愿天下所有的数学家都能找到爱他们的，他们也爱的人。情人节快乐！

你应该同数学家约会吗？

汤雅·科凡诺娃 翻译：白露为霜

格雷厄姆·马斯特(Graham Masterton)的经典《如何让你的男人在床上狂野》(How to Drive Your Man Wild in Bed)里有一章讲解如何选择一个恋人。它标出男人身上你需要谨慎对待的“红旗”(red flag)。他将这些潜在的不良苗头列成很长的一个表，其中包括前一星期没洗澡以及说话时只谈他自己。

不好的特征的列表还包括哪些职业要避免。你能猜出排在名单上的第一位的职业吗？ OK，我想你应该能够猜出，因为是我在写这件事。在书的第64页赫然列出：

“避免，作为群体，数学家......”(Avoid, on the whole, mathematicians…)

我算是不听这一劝告的专家了：事实上，我已经同三个数学家结过婚，并同X个数学家约会过。这并不一定是因为我就这么喜欢数学家，我只是没遇上其他人。

当我还是一个学生时候，我有一个理论：数学家同物理学家是不同的。理论是基于我连续参加的两个数学物理会议。第一个是针对数学的而第二个是物理的。第一个是非常安静，而第二个则是豪饮和派对。所以我做出判断，数学家内向而物理学家则外向。我敢肯定，我的第二任丈夫选择了一个错误的专业，因为他喜欢喝酒和聚会。

到如今，很多年之后，我遇到了更多的数学家，而且我要告诉你，他们是多种多样的。说数学家是一种类型是不准确和不公平的描述。我知道的一个数学家甚至成为色情电影的明星。我写这篇文章是为了那些对同数学家约会感兴趣的女孩。我不是在谈论数学专业的学生，我说的是做严肃的研究工作的数学家。我的忠告是什么呢？

我也有几句提醒的话。但请保持在脑子里，它们并不一定适用于所有的数学家。

第一，许多数学家，像我的第一任丈夫，都非常热爱数学。我很佩服这种奉献，但这意味着，他们计划在星期六晚上做数学，宁愿在自己的办公桌上渡过假期。如果他们日程表里每年只能安排一次音乐会，这对我来说是不够的。当然，这一条适用于任何痴迷于他的工作的人。

第二，有些数学家认为他们非常聪明，比其他许多人更聪明。他们将自信从数学扩大到其他领域。他们以专家的姿态开始进入生物、政治、个人关系，等等，其实他们真的不知道自己在说啥。

第三，有些数学家只关注数学世界，以至于他们看不到周围的一切。关于这类数学家有个笑话：

“外向的数学家和内向的数学家的区别是什么？外向的看着你的鞋子，而不是他自己的鞋”。

的确，我遇到过很多这样的数学家。你认为他们的妻子是在抱怨丈夫没有注意到自己的新发型？这种琐碎的事情是不值得一提。他们的妻子抱怨的是自己的丈夫没有注意到，家里的家具被拿去抵债了，或者，宠物猫已经死了，取而代之的是一条狗。我的第三任丈夫就是如此。在我们的婚姻的某个时期，我发现他根本不知道我的眼睛是啥颜色。他也不知道他自己的眼睛是啥颜色。他不是色盲，只是无动于衷。于是我请求他帮我做件事：在心里记住我的眼睛的颜色，他做到了。我的朋友艾琳甚至提出为这样的数学家的妻子们建立一个支持小组(support group)。

当然你对这些特点需要注意，数学家还是有让我喜欢的地方。许多数学家的确非常聪明。这意味着，与他们交谈很有趣。另外，我喜欢能够被某件事情所驱动的人，因为它显示了激情的容量(capacity for passion)。

数学家往往是公开和直接的。许多数学家，像我一样，说假话说不来。就因为这个原因，我不玩Mafia了(白露为霜注：一种源于苏联时代的游戏)。我更喜欢那些有话直说，不躲躲藏藏的人。

有一些数学家有一种无辜纯洁的气质，那让我想起普希金的诗剧“莫扎特和萨列里”(Mozart and Salieri)中莫扎特的角色的话语：天才和邪恶是不相容的两件事，不是吗？ - 我觉得这可以延伸到数学家。许多数学家忙于探索数学的奥秘，他们对策划和玩“游戏”不感兴趣。

年轻时的科凡诺娃 (照片来自她的博客)

Should You Date a Mathematician?

The book “How to Drive Your Man Wildin Bed" by Graham Masterton has a chapter on how to choose a lover. It highlights red flags for men who need to be approached with caution. There is a whole list of potentially bad signs, including neglecting to shower in the previous week and talking only about himself.

The list of bad features also includes professions to avoid. Can you guess the first profession on the list? OK, I think you should be able to meta-guess given the fact that I am writing about it. Indeed, the list on page 64 starts:

“Avoid, on the whole, mathematicians…”

I am an expert on NOT avoiding mathematicians: in fact, I’ve married three of them and dated x number of them. That isn’t necessarily because I like mathematicians so much; I just do not meet anyone else.

When I was a student I had a theory that mathematicians are different from physicists. My theory was based on two conferences on mathematical physics I attended in a row. The first one was targeted for mathematicians and the second for physicists. The first one was very quiet, and the second one was all boozing and partying. So I decided that mathematicians are introverts and physicists are extroverts. I was sure then that my second husband chose a wrong field, because he liked booze and parties.

By now, years later, I’ve met many more mathematicians, and I have to tell you that they are varied. It is impossible and unfair to describe mathematicians as a type. One mathematician even became the star of an erotic movie. I write this essay for girls who are interested in dating mathematicians. I am not talking about math majors here, I am talking about mathematicians who do serious research. Do I have a word of advice?

 I do have several words of caution. While they don’t apply to all mathematicians, it’s worth keeping them in mind.

First, there are many mathematicians who, like my first husband, are very devoted to mathematics. I admire that devotion, but it means that they plan to do mathematics on Saturday nights and prefer to spend vacation at their desks. If they can only fit in one music concert per year, it is not enough for me. Of course, this applies to anyone who is obsessed by his work.

Second, there are mathematicians who believe that they are very smart. Smarter than many other people. They expand their credibility in math to other fields. They start going into biology, politics and relationships with the charisma of an expert, when in fact they do not have a clue what they are talking about.

Third, there are mathematicians who enjoy their math world so much that they do not see much else around them. The jokes are made about this type of mathematician:

“What is the difference between an extroverted mathematician and an introverted one? The extroverted one looks at your shoes, rather than at his own shoes.”

Yes, I have met a lot of mathematicians like that. Do you think that their wives complain that their husbands do not notice their new haircuts? No. Such triviality is not worth mentioning. Their wives complain that their husbands didn’t notice that the furniture was repossessed or that their old cat died and was replaced by a dog. My third husband was like that. At some point in my marriage I discovered that he didn’t know the color of my eyes. He didn’t know the color of his eyes either. He wasn’t color-blind: he was just indifferent. I asked him as a personal favor to learn the color of my eyes by heart and he did. My friend Irene even suggested creating a support group for the wives of such mathematicians.

While you need to watch out for those traits, there are also things I like about mathematicians. Many mathematicians are indeed very smart. That means it is interesting to talk to them. Also, I like when people are driven by something, for it shows a capacity for passion.

Mathematicians are often open and direct. Many mathematicians, like me, have trouble making false statements. I stopped playing —Mafia— because of that. I prefer people who say what they think and do not hold back.

There is a certain innocence among some mathematicians, and that reminds me of the words of the Mozart character in Pushkin’s poetic drama, Mozart and Salieri: —And genius and villainy are two things incompatible, aren’t they?— I feel this relates to mathematicians as well. Many mathematicians are so busy understanding mathematics, they are not interested in plotting and playing games.