shopping

剛剛出國時寫的感想文章，歡迎大家指正觀點和表達錯誤
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Every Tuesday I would do some physical exercises which are of both importance and necessity for my health. After finishing my course I have to walk to the supermarket more than a kilometer away from my house to buy a week』s foods and then cross several busy streets to bring them back. According to several months of experiences of competing with and being sympathetically looked at by groups of housewives, I come to some conclusions which now I am willing to share with you.

To achieve a successful shopping, opportunity is very important. Every Tuesday the shops near my house for some reason would give their customers attractive discounts, sometimes even half prices and I could buy plenty of foods with unit prices of 99 yen, which is the very reason why I do not select the other days of the week. But even so, I have to grasp my fate tightly, the housewives are usually better at filling their baskets with fresher and worthier ones before I find them. Furthermore limited to my information and study, I have to accept the fact that sometimes I would miss the chance that special sales are offered on some special days.
  
If you are not always lucky, enough patience might get the same result. Often the prices of some goods will decrease when the close time is coming. So you can just wait until the price labels of some of them are refreshed because they have to be consumed on that day. Consequently, you cannot place them in your refrigerator for a long time if you want to maintain their original high quality.
If you are either seldom considered by Fortune or usually too impatient, money as much as possible should be guaranteed. Then you can purchase almost everything you want anywhere and anytime. Of course there exist some goods which you are not able to buy even with lots of money because they are only on sale for some specific days.
The aforesaid conclusion comes from very little aspects of the everyday life. But when we think it over, isn』t it the same to pursue a girl friend, to seek a good job or to live a happy life?

Probably you should try to write shorter sentences. For example:

The last sentence in the first paragraph "According to several months of experiences of competing with and being sympathetically looked at by groups of housewives, I come to some conclusions which now I am willing to share with you."

may be replaced with

"I have had a good experience and learned from other shoppers. Here is a few I will share with you."

And the first sentence in the second paragraph "To achieve a successful shopping, opportunity is very important."

may be replaced with

"[First,] you need to shop smartly."

about the first sentence advised to be shortened by Adelyn, i think the original sentence is better, because the long and maybe some "tedious" sentence can show the "diligent" work for getting the conclusion. And the second sentence, i don't think "opportunity" is equal to "smart". but i am sorry that i can't explain more because that's just my feeling.

原創，加精鼓勵一下~~

I am waiting for a response like yours! I agree with you fully. The new text I suggested is arbitrary (don't put flames on me for this). Indeed, they are shorter, but they do not translate into the original. Actually, it was not for "writing short" but for "promoting" another often-used saying "first say what you are going to say and then say it". This was the first thing that came to my mind at the time of reading. Alhough somehow related, I thought it off the topic and decided not to mention. However, it does have a huge benefit to use a shorter, simpler sentence to start a paragraph. You will have plenty of space to fill in the details, which will help you to come up with a good structure.

The only thing not as good is that I suddenly realized the same old rule applies equally well to me: I should have told what I didn't say (see above) in the first place. (Mmm, seemingly I've just stepped on my own tail. Ouch!).

u are waiting for my response?
first say what i am going to say and then say it!
hehe, ok, just say thank you!
after reading about what you have written, i think you have a good sense of humor, and on the meanwhile, you are good at collecting beautiful English sentences. So you are a smart and diligent English student.
not flattering you, it's what i conclude. hehe, keep on ? zai jie zai li, how to say that?
good good study, day day up!

"Every Tuesday I would do some physical exercises which are of both importance and necessity for my health."

it sounds like chinese-english. what about this as below:

every tuesday i exercise for my health.

I am very glad to see so many comments. I think I might have decided to write an essay more than a diary at that time. This is the reason I used many long sentences in the text.
However it seems quite difficult for me now to write short sentences especially when I write a paper.

tried hard to follw chkou for 1st paragraph.

i exercise for my health every tuesday. how? let me tell you my story. i usually go shopping after classes once a week, on tuesday. a supermarket  is over a kilometer away from my house. i have to walk across several heavy streets and carry all grocery back on my own. housewives around have been sympathetically watching my exercise for several months. i could see question marks when i looked into their eyes. however, shopping does give me an opportunity to understand something distinguished from what we have learnt in china that i would like to share with you.

ok, it doesn't matter, keep improving. at least, you have already written down so long and logical English "essay" by yourself. and i think it's good. i will study that from you!

I strongly suggest chkou and chemgirl to read what vhalitluos wrote, study it, and remember it (to be able to recite it). You will not  have a gift like this often. If I were you, I would feel really grateful.

thx to Adelyn.

let's come together. here is the try to match the 2nd paragraph.

how to get a good deal when you shop? it depends but the chances are always there. the supermarket at my area keeps its customers by giving them deep discount, upto 50% off on tuesday. believe or not, i did pay only 99 yen(japanese yen?) for a big load of food. so, i call tuesday a red tap day, a happy day. shopping appears like playing a game. i often lost  to fulltime housewives even though i played hard. they are smarter. they filled up their basket quicker and their picks were always fresher and cheaper. worse, i missed a lot special sales due to limited information on advertisement and unfit schedule. i was a loser in term of shopping, unfortunately.

again, the 3rd.

we all wait for something. we believe patience would bring us good luck one day if not as always. i have come to notice that grocery store drops the price of various goods when it is about to close. it makes sense that some goods have to be sold fresh. so why don't you sit back and wait until new lables turn out? for similar reason, don't keep raw items purchased this way in a refrigerator too long if you really want good food. of course, you can get anything, from anywhere and at anytime if you are rich enough except for some seasonal supplies which are only available for special days.

ok, the last.

our days of life are telling the truth. it makes us think over. can we get a good job, a pretty girlfriend, or even a happy life by the same way?



chkou and chemgirl would be happy to answer YES. why not?

Appendix: A partial vocabulary of the diary "Shopping" as revised by vhalitluos


-exercise (for health, to keep [my body] slim)

-go (shopping: pick up a dictionary and go for this word. you'll have a lot of fun in the going.)

-once a week (similar: twice a day)

-over (above, over a mile: more than a mile)

-away (apart: the store is over a mile away from my apartment.)

-have to (to be used in the place of "must", try it!)

-across (a street, a river: he threw the ball across the room, through the open window on the opposite side, to the playing ground outside the building)

-heavy street (a street with heavy traffic)

-on my own ("I can't do this on my own. I need your help!")

-housewives around (near by: He visited around.)

-have been watching ... for several months (to emphasize an action began some time ago and is still in progress at this moment)

-look into their eyes (to learn what their true feeling is :-)

-an opportunity (for something: "See an opportunity and seize it" is a general attitude of a society that emphasizes individualism and considers life as a game of survival.)

-distinguished (clearly and significantly different, standing out)

-get a good deal (e.g., Don't forget to bargain for a good deal!)

-it depends (You begin your reply with this to indicate that the request would invoke multiple choices for the answer.)

-The chances are always there. (in plural)

-off (minus, 50% off: taking 50% out from the original price)

-a big load of (something heavy in weight)

-a red tape day (i.e., a happy day, or a day for which you don't have much to do in the office)

-appear (predicative: shopping appears like playing a game.)

-lost to (I lost to him in the poker game last night.)

-their picks (things that they pick)

-worse (short for "what I've just mentioned is bad but now I am going to tell you something even worse")

-miss (an often-used word, whenever you didn't do something well, you say "I missed [it]" and then you begin to raise all the excuses to divert the blames :-)

-due to limited information on advertisement and unfit schedule (a compact sentence, note: due to, on, limited, unfit)

-I am a loser in terms of shopping (reading: the fact is that I have lost in the game of "who's the smartest shopper")

-We all wait for something. (a good sentence to remember!!!)

-We believe patience would bring us good luck one day if not as always. (!!!)

-come (arrive, have come to notice: have noticed, arrived at the end/conclusion of an observation)

-drop (the price of: lower the price of)

-sold fresh (sold when it is still fresh)

-sit back (and relax, it's no hurry as the time is still early.)

-turn out (produce, appear as a result)

-keep raw items you purchased this way in a refrigerator... (keep...in; this way: when it was sold in discount in the last minute before close)

-except for (bring to attention something that does not fit in the general pattern that was mentioned)

-seasonal supplies which are only available for special days (The clause explains.)

yes, your writing looks much easier and humorous. whereas chkou's looks much faithful and sincere. hehe, and both are your own fruits, respectively. well, i have no much more spare time thinking it over, but i will say both of you---vhalitluos and chkou deserve me to study from.  and Adelyn, maybe he devoted himself to English study, that's not an easy thing. ok, we study English, just for using it. if you can use it freely, you master it. that's what i want to achieve, but now, there is still a long distance between my level and that goal.

Ithink you can tell us more funny experince one year later.try to think and say like a locol person.thank you.

good
!!!

Language is for communication. Either way of saying it does express the same idea. how you say it is a matter of personal preferrence. Beauty is on the eyes of beholder.

學到了很多，感覺vhalitluos的英文功底很好，謝謝！
有幾個問題：
1）第一句中的how改為how come是不是更好？
2）第一段中gocery改為goceris是不是更好？
3）第二段第二句but引導賓語從句？（奇怪，沒見過這種用法）