標題: How to make real friends? (2) [列印本頁] 作者: cwjjzhou 時間: 2005-11-5 18:04 標題: How to make real friends? (2) click the link to go back:[/COLOR] [thread=265341]Can Men and Women be "Just friends" ? [/thread][/FONT]
[I][U]Open your heart[/U][/I]
Zuleica, who lives in Italy, recall: 「When I was younger, I was shy, and I found it hard to make friends. But I knew that if we want to have friends, we have to take initiative, make ourselves known, and get to know others.」 Yes, to have real friends, we must open up to others-let them get to know how who we really are. Such communication and sharing than having good looks and a charismatic personality. 「 People with deep and lasting friendships may be introverts, extroverts, young, old, dull, intelligent, homely, good-looking; but the one characteristic they always have in common is openness.」 Observes counselor Dr.Alan Loy McGinnis. 「They have a certain transparency, allowing people to see what is in their hearts.」
This doesn』t mean wearing your heart on your sleeve or revealing your innermost secrets to people you don』t feel comfortable with. But it does mean selectively and progressively revealing your true thoughts and feelings to others. Michela, from Italy, says: 「At first, I had to make changes, to try to manifest my feelings more, in order for my friends to understand what I was feeling and to feel closer to me.」
Even if you are naturally gregarious, however, it still takes time and shared experiences for mutual trust to develop between friends. In the meantime, try not to be overly anxious about what others may think of you. Elisa, in Italy, recalls:」 My problem was that every time I wanted to say something, I was it wasn』t going to come out right. Then I thought, 『f people really are my friends, they will understand.』 So if something came out wrong, I just laughed at myself, and everyone laughed with me.」
Therefore, relax! Just be yourself. Putting on an act doesn』t help. 「No one can be more attractive than by being his or her sincere, best self,」 Wrote family counselor F.Alexander Magoun. People who are truly to impress others. Only by being genuine can we enjoy genuine friendship. Likewise, we need to let others be themselves. Happy people accept others as they are, not fretting over minor foibles. They don』t feel the need to remake their friends to conform to their own preconceived ideas. Work to be that type of happy, no critical person.
[I][U][I]To have a friend, be a friend[/I][/U][/I]
There is an even more important factor-the most fundamental one. Nearly 2,000 yrs ago, Jesus showed that the key to success in all human relations is unselfish love. He taught: 「 Just as you want men to do to you, do the same way to them.」 This teaching has come to be known as the Golden Rule. Yes, the only way to have real friends is to be an unselfish, giving friends yourself. In other words, friendship must be more about giving than about getting. We must be prepared to put our friend』s needs ahead of our own preferences and convenience. As a saying goes well, 「A friend in need is a friend indeed.」
Manuela, quoted previously, notes: 「Just as Jesus said it would, true happiness comes from giving. The person receiving is happy, but the giver is even happier. We can give simply by sincerely asking how our friends are, by trying to understand their problems, and by doing all we can without waiting for them to ask.」 So reach out to others, including the friends you already have. Strengthen your relationships. Do not sacrifice friendship for less noble and less-fulfilling pursuits. Friends deserve time and attention. Ruben, in Italy, comments: 「Taking time is fundamental to finding and keeping friends. First of all, it takes time to be a good listener. We can all improve in listening and in showing our interest in what others say by not interrupting.」
[U][I]Show Respect for Others[/I][/U]
Another key element of happy, long-term friendships is mutual respect. This includes showing consideration for other』s feelings. You want your friends to be tactful and discreet when their tastes or opinions differ from yours, don』t you? Shouldn』t you treat them the same?
Another way we show respect is by not smothering our friends. Real friends are neither jealous nor possessive. 「Love is not jealous.」 So guard against the tendency to want your friends all to yourself. If they confide in others, do not take offense and perhaps even shun them. Learn that we all need to widen out in our relationships. Allow your friends to develop other friendships too.
Consider also your friend』s need for privacy. Individuals, as well as married couples. Need time for themselves. While you should not hesitate to reach out to others, be balanced and thoughtful, and do not wear out your welcome with your friends. The Bible cautions, 「 make your foot rare at the house of your fellowman, that he may not have his sufficiency of you.」
[I][U]Do not demand perfection[/U][/I]
Of course, when people get to know each other, they become more aware of the other』s weaknesses as well as strengths. Still, we should not let this hold us back from making friends. 「 Some expect a bit too much from potential friends,」 Comments pacome, in France. 「 They want them to have only good qualities, but that』s not possible.」 Not one of us has perfection to offer, and we do not have the right to demand it of others. We hope our friends will accept us despite our imperfection to offer, and we do not have the right to demand if of others. We hope our friends will accept us despite our imperfections and make allowances for us. Shouldn』t we try to overlook our friends』 shortcomings too, by not imagining or over-emphasizing them? Author Dennis Prager reminds us:」 Flawless friends (i.e., those who never complain, are always loving, never have moods, are fixated on us, and never disappoint us) are known as pets.」 If we don』t want to end up with pets as our closest friends, we need to heed the apostle Peter』s advice to let 「love cover a multitude of sins.」
It has been said that friendship doubles our joys and halves our sorrows. However, to be realistic, we cannot expect our friends to fill all needs or solve all our problems. That is a selfish view of friendship.
(To be continued…)
click the link to continue:[/COLOR] [thread=269526]How to make real friends? (3)[/thread][/FONT]作者: GhostCatcher 時間: 2005-11-7 09:00
It's really nice, thank you for teaching me!!!作者: cwjjzhou 時間: 2005-11-7 09:38
You're so nice. I feel so guilty because it is not my masterpiece. I just transfered it here. Thanks for the person who wrote originally.作者: GhostCatcher 時間: 2005-11-7 11:27
oh....but thank you anyway, cuz if it's not u, I won't be able to see this!作者: jzhou5 時間: 2005-11-7 12:11
Thanks anyway.作者: cwjjzhou 時間: 2005-11-7 18:15
May everybody find his or her friends as soon as possible.作者: Adelyn 時間: 2005-11-7 20:09
[B]"Just as you want men to do to you, do the same way to them." [/B]
to be open to let others know your feeling and thought.
try to be easy along with, and not demanding for perfection from, others.
show your respect by listening carefully and considering others' privacy.作者: cwjjzhou 時間: 2005-11-8 12:00
Very good suggestion. I will try my best to follow that.作者: applesweet 時間: 2005-11-11 05:01
very glad to read your post, I really want to know how to make real friends.
actually, I don't have many freinds around me. It's difficult for me to find out
a real freind, especially confident.
anyway, I learned it a lot and trying to open my heart to others.
Thanks a lot!作者: nozone 時間: 2005-11-11 11:24
I met her and became best friends for almost 3 years.I don't know what am I to her,but to me,she's the best friend I have ever had. I have never been so devoted to a friend,whom I consider as a sister,a colleague even as family.But one day when she stopped talking to me,seeing me w/o leaving a reason...then I could not help but wonder,what's going on there? I asked myself millions of times,i could have hurt everyone but never her because she's my best friend.However,the friendship sank,like the Titanic.Titanic sank but left for us a touching love story,my friendship with her sank with a huge question mark...作者: Adelyn 時間: 2005-11-11 14:35
i don't know what exactly happened between you and her. among the millions of possibilities, one stands out in my mind at the moment.
the following is totally a hypothesis. [:487:]
suppose both of you are not married and could have dated each other if it was not a relation just between a brother and a sister. then the possibility arises: what if she was waiting for you but decided that it was no longer a game she could afford to play with no matter how much she liked you?
[:792:]作者: nozone 時間: 2005-11-11 15:17
Hi Adelyn,thanks for your comment.Sorry I forgot to mention that I am also a girl.
I live in a city where it's far from my own family and friends.And I treasure the new friends I met.We did not talk to each other on MSN as usual.But then onece i called her asking what's happened to us.She said there's no need for her to explain? Strange,isn't it?作者: Adelyn 時間: 2005-11-11 15:51
yeah. that could be suspicious. what she said is "it's no need to explain." i suppose she meant you should know it but you actually don't. if i were you, i would press on: "i don't know anything. for God's sake, please don't leave me in the dark. talk to me, please. just say a word...if it is my fault, i will apologize..." but in a hindsight, i suspect it could be for a different reason. just because you are so close to each other, she might suspect you had become her rival in such a matter as...作者: cwjjzhou 時間: 2005-11-11 15:56
You already did your best to her. and I believe you have a clear conscience. So walk your own way, let other people talk in their ways. You good intention will get rewarded one day.作者: nozone 時間: 2005-11-11 16:03
Thanks both!Actually the main reason I called her is I need to know what I did wrong if i really did something wrong.This friendship died,okay,I have to accept it.But if there's anything that's wrong about me,I need to know.I do not want to hurt any of my friends in future,do not want to repeat the same mistake (if there's any) on another friend of mine.
What hurts is,I always think of her because we used to have so much fun together.作者: Adelyn 時間: 2005-11-11 16:09
nozone, think about this: call her at a time you think is good. just be straight to tell her that you missed her and thought about the time you two spent together.
and you are right that if it was your fault (though i suspect it equally could be her at fault), you should know it. just tell her that it would be good for you to know and you need her help for this.作者: nozone 時間: 2005-11-11 16:21
Hi Adelyn,You are right but I do not have the nerve to do this.The self-esteem thing is ruling me! There must be some misunderstandings which I think should be easily solved between two good friends,but it turned out to be "no need to explain".Then it must be something which could not be cured.We have mutual friends but according to them,they said there's something serious which she did not want to mention.
My idea is,you sentenced someone to death,you have to at least tell her/him the reason.
Hi, nozone. If I could help you feel better, I'd like do whatever you want me to. In my opinion, Time could heal any "wounds", You will find the real friend who cares you very soon.