英文情色簡訊

1.GIRL:I'm like a radio,my mouth is a speaker,left breast tuner,right breast volume...
  MAN:can I touch?   
  After touching the breast,he says:why no sound?
  GIRL:you didn't plug in!

2.It's slippery when wet,greasy when it's in.It moves so easy. When it flops out ,it struggles to get back in. Obviously it's a fish,but i like the way you think.

3.Seven nude men standing in a row with their erected penis. Seeing them, a guy asked:are you all advertising for a condom?
  They replied:no ,for 7-up!

4.A lady goes to a clinic,the doctor says:u look so weak and exhausted,r u having 3 meals a day as I advidsed?
  Lady(confused):doctor,I thought u said 3 males a day!

5. A new wife has 3 qualities:economist in kitchen,artist at home,devil in bed.
   After a few years,she is artist in kitchen, devil at home and economist in bed!

6.Women's 7 top lies:1.ILU,2.I'M VIRGIN,3.I HATE SEX,4.U R FIRST WHO TOUCHED ME,5.OH IT'S TOO BIG,NEVER SEEN,6.I HATE SUCKING,7.OK,ONCE ONLY.

7.Sardar pays money to a prostitute and she runs away.He puts ad in the papers:anyone finds a blonde named Suzy,height 5'3" ,green eyes...fuck her--she's prepaid!

8.Recipe for making love cake:spread legs,squeeze and massage milk pots,check with mid finger,add banana,work in/out till creamed. Cake done when banana is soft.

9.why u didn't reply my msgs sir?police have found one dead body,his dick is cut and ass is busted,balls are smashed,sir i m worried about u ,thanks.

10.Women are like hurricane.
   When they come,the are wet and wild,and when they go they take away ur money,house and health.

11.An army guy got married. On 1st night realized wife having period.
   He telegrams to HQ: Red Alert on front,extend leave.   
   Reply from HQ:Attack from back & report.

12:One Taliban member commiting suicide,Someone asked the reason.
   He said: my wife ran away with my friend and I can't live without my friend.

13. What is the difference between good secretary and best secretary?
    Good secretary says Good Morning Sir.
    And best secretary says It is morning Sir......

14. A man to shop keeper: give me one black condom.
    But why black,sir?
    Coz I'm going for condolence to my neighbour widow.

15. Ganguly to wife during sexITCH is dry, grass not cut,slow outfield.
    Wife replies:Nonsense! Inzamaam scored century on the same pitch!

16.Geographic definition of FUCK: It is an Action performed by POLELAND in HOLELAND between THIGHLAND.

17.It's a time of modern era, girl puts a mobile into her pussy in a vibration mode and ask her boyfriend to ring the mobile.   

   This is called E-FUCKING.

18. A man was carrying 3 babies in a train. A lady next to him asked: are they your babies?
    NO, the man said,I work in a condom factory, and these are CUSTOMER'S COMPLAINTS!

19. Meanning of WIFE & HUSBAND:
    W-Wonderful
    I-Item
    F-For
    E-Entertainment

    H-Handsome
    U-Useful
    S-Smart
    B-But
    A-At
    N-Night
    D-Dangerous

20. Four nuns que to confess. 1st nun:Father,I saw a penis. Father: Don't wory,my child,wash your eyes with holy water.
    2nd nun: I touched it. Father: wash your hands with holy water.
    4th nun rushes to holy water pot. Father: hey,where are you going?
    4th nun:I want to gargle with holy water before sister(3rd nun)puts her ass in it!

21. Boy: can i touch your software?
    Girl:first show me your hardware.
    Boy: should I install it in your system?
    Girl: cover it with anti-virus and then install.

22. 語文老師在黑板上寫出漢語拼音:M,A,Y,D,B,要同學們念,同學們大聲念道:摸阿姨的波!

（呵呵，這個不算英文，但有英文字母阿！）

[:801:]

Seven nude men standing in a row with their erected penis. Seeing them, a guy asked:are you all advertising for a condom?
They replied:no ,for 7-up!
.....
......
.......
哈哈~

A man was carrying 3 babies in a train. A lady next to him asked: are they your babies?
NO, the man said,I work in a concom factory, and these are CUSTOMER'S COMPLAINTS!

這裡有錯誤...是 condom factory...不是concom...

不過很搞笑~哈 [:431:]  [:431:]

哦，謝謝九月。
TYPING ERROR,我好像編輯了，怎麼沒有改過來阿？